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Quick and simple. Saw this on a Clip

Rags's picture

Tips to coparenting with a high conflict parent.

1.  Get a CO and follow it like it is  your bible.

2. Conversate over text message ONLY, so everything is in writing and can be used if needed.

3. Do not conversate about anything other than your child.  Do not entertain or respond to any other topic.

These are BOUNDARIES, do not overstep your own boundaries and don't let them step over them.  Keep control of your peace.

Drinks

ESMOD's picture

I would probably adjust and add.

2. conversate over text .. or parenting app or email.

4.  Keep communication directly between bio parents.  Do not allow or ask spouses to communicate on your behalf. 

 

Rags's picture

Yep, I agree.  Keep it simple and document, document, document.  No surrogates in communicating with the X, except an attorney if it gets to that point.  For sure, don't use the kids.

ESMOD's picture

The only thing I would have kids relay is their own scheduling issues.. like.. dad.. here is my volleyball schedule... or when you get me after school on friday I will be at the gym finishing my practice kind of stuff.

back and forth about.. "and tell your worthless dad to pay his child support.. or " tell your stepmother that what you do is none of her business".. etc.. kids should not be roped in

Harry's picture

That your new SO does not want you talking to your old lover and parent of your child.  Once lovers you can never go back to being friends.  That the important thing to understand.  Your SO trying to justify their relationship with the ex as we are just fr

tryingjusttrying's picture

Learned 1. the hard way, but that is crucial for sanity. Dh struggled with 3, and still does though less so. He doesn't want to appear like he's interjecting bad vibes unnecessarily, so he gets sucked into "innocent" conversations and activities with BM. Her goals include getting us to take SS more than the CO states (which is also SS's goal),and to get dh to do her bidding (so that she can prove that her charms still have power over him and to show me who's boss). But thankfully, that's finally starting to diminish.

Rags's picture

We had this at some level from SpermGrandHag. Trying to charm anyone and everyone including the Judge(s), DW, me, SS, etc.... When facts shut her down, she got nasty.  The same cycle repeatedly.

We had a CO, the Hag hated it.  There was zero evidence that she or the Spermidiot ever read it.  She claimed to have listened to the Judge when the CO was stipulated in court at the end of the final custody/visitation hearing and knew "damned well what it says.".  After that, it was "You can't dp that!". "The retired Judge I keep house for says you can't do that!","Someone I know who knows someone blah, blah, blah, who knows says you can't do that."  We knew the CO pat. We also knew the supplemental county rules and State regulations pat. 

They never forced any issues back to court because they knew that they would get smacked by a Judge.

We did not interfere in their visitation. We even paid for their travel costs several times over the years when it had been a year or more since they took any visitation with SS.  However, we did leverage their ignorance to our advantage on a number of occiassions.  

*pardon*