This is in response to Lulumay91blog post entitled, When a step child leaves.

But here’s the rub—how many skids are willing to face the harsh reality that one of their biological parents, the donor of half their genes, is manipulative and self-serving? It's a bitter pill to swallow, especially for a child who naturally craves love and approval from both parents. Admitting that one of them doesn’t have their best interests at heart goes against every instinct they have. The alienating parent uses that bond to their advantage, twisting the child’s loyalty and feeding them a false narrative that’s easier to believe than the uncomfortable truth.

This is a cautionary tale to any stepparent and anyone who decides to breed in the future. It's much simpler for the skid to embrace the victim role, blaming the more stable parent rather than confronting the idea that their other parent—someone they might idolize—could be the real villain in their life.

My YSD started high school on a decent note, full of potential, but being Crazy’s ‘savage’ daughter through and through, she managed to sabotage her own experience. Laziness had already set in like a disease a long time ago—she had zero interest in working for her grades. The teachers, already worn down by her antics, eventually gave her what I call the 'get-the-hell-out-of-my-class' C’s. Those grades weren’t earned; they were handed to her just so the teachers wouldn’t have to deal with her nonsense for another semester or year. It was easier for them to push her along than to try to inspire any kind of ambition or discipline.

Being Crazy’s ‘savage’ daughter, YSD, like OSD, followed in her mother’s footsteps, becoming as promiscuous as you’d expect from someone raised by an egg donor who promotes a lifestyle of drugs, sex, and rock-n-roll. It wasn’t surprising, really—last year, YSD and her latest boy-toy (and let’s be honest, YSD doesn’t have relationships—she has ‘relationshits’) were caught making out in the back of a language class. No boundaries, no respect for the teacher or the rest of the students, there trying to learn, just indulging in whatever temporary thrill was in front of her.

This is a cautionary tale for any unsuspecting woman who ties herself to a man with baggage. Whatever role the man played in his 'first failed family system'—like in my DH’s case, where he was the full-time nanny, 'Daddyeee-ATM,' and still holding down a full-time job—will inevitably become your burden, too. Crazy BM just worked, came home, and expected DH to wait on her and the skids hand and foot. When I went into the picture, guess what? I was expected to step right into that role—waiting on the skids as if it were my duty, no questions asked. And what did it get DH and me?

Crazy never had to do any actual parenting; her strategy was much more calculated. First, she’d prompt the skids to complain about us—just enough to get them talking. Once they started, she knew exactly what to do. She launched a campaign where she blew their minor complaints out of proportion, twisting every situation to place a negative spin on our actions. What might have been a normal interaction with us became fodder for her manipulation, reframing everything to make us seem like the villains in their lives.

Once they started venting, she knew exactly what to do—amplify their grievances and reframe their experiences to make us look like the villains.

For instance, DH always went above and beyond to provide the best for the skids—for their lunches: organic meats, artisan bread, fresh fruit, and even organic yogurt cups. But in one text exchange between OSD and her "egg donor," Crazy completely flipped the narrative. She wrote, “I’ll give you Goldfish for snack. We will go to McDonald’s for lunch. You don’t want all that crap. It’s abusive. I should call Child Protective Services on your father for giving you that.”

In Crazy’s twisted world, everything was upside down. ‘Healthy’ became unhealthy; blue skies were red, and up was down. She didn’t need to parent these brainwashed skids—manipulation was all she had to do. In your case, it might be the same.

I can’t stand when people act like their crotch droppings are perfect little angels, incapable of doing any wrong. Like they don’t have free will or responsibility for their actions, it’s always the parents' fault, never the kids'. Hell no! In my book, every person comes into this world with a good side that knows right from wrong and a bad side that’s tempted by all the wrong things. Kids aren’t blank slates; they have a dual nature from the start. It all depends on which side gets nurtured—their upbringing determines which side dominates.

With a mother like our kids have, the next step in her alienation campaign is predictable—she offers them the liberties they want, even if those liberties aren’t in their best interest long-term. She frames these indulgences to make the other parent, DH, seem like the villain, holding them back from what they desire.

Take OSD, for example. Crazy encouraged her to keep secrets from DH. “Don’t tell your father you’re dating ‘Loser.’ He wouldn’t like it,” she told her. Well, no kidding, DH wouldn’t like it. Who in their right mind would be okay with their daughter dating a guy planning to drop out of high school, convincing OSD to live with him, making porn videos, and running an illegal puppy mill to support themselves?

Crazy knew precisely what she was doing—making DH look like the bad guy for wanting to protect his daughter from a disastrous life path while she pretended to be the "understanding" and "cool" parent. For context, what father would want their thirteen or fourteen-year-old daughter to go into movie theaters and give Loser BJs? What about underage sex, sex texting, drinking, and drugs? I’ll tell you would; Crazy would and did!

Crazy got to play the 'protective' parent role, swooping in to 'save' the skids from their "evil" father who just wanted to guide them down a better path. She framed DH as the controlling one, trying to impose his will on them, while she positioned herself as the hero, granting them the freedom they craved.

When YSD got the chance to ‘start over’ at a new high school with Crazy, she jumped at it. It was a golden opportunity to leave behind her bad reputation. Of course, this "fresh start" conveniently aligned with Crazy losing child support—something that rarely happens in a court system that overwhelmingly favors mothers. But, somehow, Crazy managed to fumble that, too.

This is a cautionary tale for stepmothers in particular because regardless of what kind of good person you are, irrespective of how much better of a mother you are to your skids, “blood is ALWAYS thicker than water” when it concerns a personality disordered manipulative bioparent with free access to his or her crotch droppings.

Think of the Garden of Eden, where the serpent offered Adam and Eve the forbidden fruit. The first thing that cunning snake did was figure out where Eve stood regarding what she'd been told. Then, it reframed and undermined that information, twisting the truth to suit its purpose. The serpent played the role of the "rescuer," casting Eve as the "victim" and God as the "villain" for imposing limitations on humanity. By claiming to be "saving" Eve from the oppressive restrictions of God, the serpent laid the groundwork for his deception. It’s manipulation at its most insidious. The serpent’s deception could only work if Eve decided she was indeed a ‘victim.’

Parental alienation works in the same way. The alienating parent steps into the role of the "rescuer," positioning the child as the "victim" and the other parent as the "villain." Through subtle or overt manipulation, they convince the child that the other parent is a source of harm while portraying themselves as the one protecting the child’s best interests. But just like in Eden, the key to the alienator's success lies in the child's own acceptance of that victim role. Without the child's willing participation, the alienator's efforts fall flat. It's a cruel dance of deception, where the truth is twisted, and the child’s perception is manipulated until the lie becomes their reality.

However, there’s a way out—if the child can recognize the alienating parent for what they truly are: a snake in disguise. The key lies in resisting the temptation to bite into the forbidden fruit of one's own narcissistic desires. For that to happen, the child must learn to deal with hardship, develop emotional resilience, and understand that not every challenge requires immediate satisfaction. It's about denying the seductive lure of instant gratification, standing firm in the face of manipulation, and realizing that the easy way out often comes at a steep price. True strength comes from learning that love, discipline, and sometimes difficult boundaries are not forms of oppression but are, in fact, acts of care.  The snake's power only lasts if its victim believes the lie. Once the child sees through the deception, they have the power to break free.

But here’s the rub: How many skids are willing to admit that the donors of half their genes are manipulative, self-serving people who don’t have their best interests in mind?