DH's poor choices and the biggest idiot in all the land (BM, not DH) ;)
DH told me that he gave SS18 his old expired Driver's license when he dropped SS off at college. Why. WHY? I said Really?? Why would you do that? DH said "Everyone has them". I said yes, but not from their parents. Like Seriously, if I have to explain this to you DH. Whatever. Also, the DL was cracked down the middle, and SS does not look like a 44 year old man. It's like he's actively trying to get him in trouble. Not my problem. I just keep repeating, SS is gone, SS is gone...
Yesterday we got a second message from Crazy demanding that DH buy bras for SD because hers no longer fit. Again...WHY would DH be the one buying bras for a teen girl, especially when she needs to try and find her size?? I was irritated that we were doing it because we were giving in to Crazy's demands, but also SD was walking around in bras that were visibly too small, and we knew Crazy would not buy any for her. But, SD goes shopping with friends and has her own money from working, so she could have easily just bought a new bra herself. But apparently logic is hard, and we didn't want her going to school looking ridiculous, so I measured her before we left and we figured out her size so she wasn't just grasping at straws to find her size in the store. We went in, she tried some on, bam, done. Ironically, I also was the one who bought her training bras, after having her ask Crazy to buy her some first, and SD telling me Crazy wouldn't buy them for her. So SD asked me to take her. Later, we received a message from Crazy saying "TrueNorth doesn't buy bras for SD, I am her mom, I buy the bras". Ha, OK!
Anyway, SD has her driving permit (only for about a month), so she asked if she could drive to the store. DH said yes, and for reasons I will never understand, he has been letting her back his truck out of the garage. So i'm in the backseat, she gets in, throws the truck into DRIVE instead of reverse, looks behind her like she's backing up, hits the gas, and drives forward, right over a bike she had left laying in the garage and straight into our 3rd garage door on the other side- denting DH's bumper, damaging the bike, and denting the garage door. DH and I are yelling, "STOP!! Put your foot on the brake!". So what does she do? Puts her foot on the GAS, giving it more gas and running it into the garage door more. DH said she looked like she was about to cry, but when I looked at her she looked completely unbothered. Not one peep of apology or exclamations of disbelief that she did that. Calm as a cucumber. DH puts the truck into park and tells her to slowly back it out of the garage. I said No- the truck is now crooked in the garage, aimed towards the workbench and all of the things along the wall- she is absolutely going to hit something, DH, you back it out. So he did. But he let her drive it to the city we were going to, on the highway, and it became glaringly clear she is not ready for that. It was terrifying. I made him switch with her before we got to the city so he was driving. He agreed this would not happen again for quite a while, she is so unsure of herself and would very easily have crashed on the highway. Even after we got to the store and DH had been driving for a while my heart was racing from being so terrified. He did ream her out for not taking driving seriously- she is just so blase about it all.
At least she is being decent, we even went to dinner and for the first time in years it wasn't miserable. She wanted to share food with me, try what I was trying, and is practically a different person. I really believe SS being gone has been fantastic for both of us. I still have my guard up and am not doing for her like I used to, but I at least feel ok being pleasant again, as opposed to ignoring each other like what has been happening for the past month or so.
Crazy sent DH a message saying she "might go visit SS in FL Labor day wknd and wants to take SD", but since it's our wknd asked if she could take SD. DH said that's fine. Last night SD came down complaining about her mom and said there is no way they are going to FL, her mom just says these things to make it look good, but then will say flights are too expensive, as a way to act like she tried but had no choice. This was exactly what DH said when he got the message from Crazy, so it was interesting that SD is onto her tactics as well. SD also said that Crazy and her bf are "toxic", break up every wknd, and SS and SD have both told her she needs to end it for good. SD said Crazy made SD start coming back to our house because "SD was ruining her relationship". Crazy couldn't sleep over at her BF's house when SD was there. Just a truly horrible person. DH was not impressed with SD telling us that, since she once again stated how she was "forced" to come back here, and that she wanted to stay with mother of the year, despite the emotional abuse and toxicity happening there.
We are going on vacay next month so per ROFR, DH sent Crazy a message with the days we will be gone and asked if she wanted SD, then sent the proposed days we would make up the time (He arranged it for a week I will be gone for work- woohoo! He even suggested it, he's like you won't even be here, let's just knock it out that week so you don't have to deal with it. I said, Well I'm not gonna argue... :P). Now remember, we are asking Crazy to take OUR days, but also making them up. She responds, "I had SD for 5 months (no), you should just take my days". UM....there are no freaking days of yours to take, you complete and absolute idiot! DH responded and said, I am going to ask you to read my message again and really think about this.... LOL. Literally the dumbest person I have ever encountered in my life. And we come full circle to DH's poor choices.
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I have to disagree - DH is both the biggest idiot and makes the
I'm sorry - I have to disagree - DH is both the biggest idiot and makes the poorest choices. Why would he give his kid his expired ID? Everyone takes underage drinking a lot more serious than they used to, and DH basically told SS it was ok for him to do it.
While it was very nice of you to help SD buy her bras - the next time she needs a different size have her go to a department store or a Victoria's Secret and they will have someone who can take measurements and make sure she gets the right size.
So sorry to hear about your driving experience! I remember when my niece was learning and I accidently had her get on the highway instead of the frontage road, in the dark! She actually did better than I thought she would, but we were both pretty scared until she figured it out.
Good to hear SD is acting better, even better to hear that you still have your guard up!
I tend to agree
I was being kind to DH- he is an absolute idiot for giving SS his ID. I am still Sooo irritated by it, but that will get me nowhere. And DH gave SS a big lecture to go along with it, about being safe and not driving and blah blah blah, but SS is an idiot- I can already see that he was driving home from somewhere at 10:45pm the other night. He's been going to Frat parties. Do we think he wasn't drinking? Highly doubt it. He doesn't need any help making poor choices. It's DH wanting to be a friend. Absolutely ridiculous.
Here's to hoping SD's behavior continues. We have new counseling in the works.
So your DH is okay with his
So your DH is okay with his son drinking and driving and potentially killing someone?
The "talk"
Well, see, DH has "Talked" to SS about being responsible with alcohol, so therefore SS won't do anything stupid. Insert eyeroll. That's what is so maddening about it all. SS doesn't listen to a f'ng thing either of us say. Ever. To be fair, That ID isn't what's going to make SS drink and drive. I would be shocked if it actually worked. It is literally almost snapped in half and expired and SS does not look anywhere close to 44. Plus he is going to Frat parties where the alcohol is there already. But still, it sends the wrong message, and SS doesn't need help making idiotic decisions. He is not a mature 18yr old. DH knows this and knows it was a stupid thing to do, he just couldn't resist being a SS's friend for a minute, in a very stupid way. DH won't even let SS have 1 drink at home with us, and then he goes and gives him a fake ID at college??? Gah, I just can't.
This is just mind-blowing.
This is just mind-blowing. Does your idiot husband realise that, if his son tries to use his expired ID, he will be held responsible? Does he understand exactly what that could cost him?
Huge risk of finanial
Huge risk of finanial destruction if SS gets in a wreck and hurts or kills someone or destroys property while under the influence. Daddy giving the kid his expired ID is idiocy beyond measure. You are at risk as well as your life is comingled with the dumbass daddy's.
As for the idiot driver SD facilitated by idiot daddy, par for the course on this guys parenting performance. We did not get on the road behind the wheel until we had spent countless hours driving off road after riding motorcycles for countless years. We drove tractors, go carts, dune buggies, and motorcycles so we had understanding of how vehicles work and the muscle memory to control them. Most importantly, we knew the alphabet well enough to discern between D and R. We also were driving vehicles with manual transmissions long before we ever drove an automatic.
My dad also taught all of his GKs to drive using the USMC grandpa model. Countless hours in parking lots backing up, pulling forward, hours reversing dozens upon dozens of miles on remote farm roads. The kids all laugh about learding to drive with their grandfather. Fortunately no one was hurt in this SD driving incident. If she does nto pull her head out of her ass, that trent may not continue. Just hope she does not hurt or kill some random person on the street. Better to run over a family member than hurt someone else. Not that she should be hurting anyone. Vehicles are big weapons in teh hands of people who have no business driving.
My estimator brain puts the bill on SD's D vs R oops in the $5K-$8K range. I would not allow one cent of joint funds to pay for those repairs if I were you.
Crazy seems to be reasonable and a quality parent in comparison do daddy.
Take care of you
SO set a draft kings account
SO set a draft kings account up for SS19 when he was 17 to get it "out of his system" so he would lose money and see it wasn't worth it...I don't remember why he originally did it with SS17 and how it came up but.. I explained to him how completely f'n stupid that was because now SS17 can place bets for his friends and if the friends parents find out etc...
He agreed and took it off SSs phone.
I could 100% see DH doing
I could 100% see DH doing something like this for SS. SS was online gambling for years somehow and him and DH would talk about it because DH likes gambling also. DH never discouraged him. It boggles the mind.
What a peach your DH is.
Fake IDs, online betting,
Fake IDs, online betting, what's next, a membership to a "massage parlor" and a beginner's marijuana growing kit?! These guys are unbelievable. Can't 100% blame crazy BMs when they make these kinds of decisions.
Fake IDs, online betting,
ahahaha
you know how these Disneyland dads be doing - no rules, no consequence, live in fantasy land
There is a famous rapper who was plastered across the internet with people outraged that he bought his 14 year old son some str!ppers as a rite of passage
whats next?!? .... day trip to a local trap house (all the d.rugs one can buy) .... what fun is h00kers of you can't indulge in c0ke and hard liquor ... even more fun when it's all totally illegal
Typically if the school
Typically if the school catches him underage drinking they will send him to mandatory counseling and if they catch him a second time, he gets kicked out. You should check their policy.
I will
I know it is strictly forbidden in the dorms. And SS has already applied to be an RA. He had better watch himself or he will not be making it.
These "party schools" are
These "party schools" are very lax on underage drinking.
As long as you're not plowing people over in a vehicle or waltzing around with beer bottles out in the open heavily publicly intoxicated .... and you maintain the GPA and keep mommy/daddy's money coming in to pay that tuition
.... these party schools are gonna turn a blind eye - their job is not to babysit mischievous overgrown kids with enabler Disney parents
Ha
What's ironic is this is NOT a party school. At all. lol. It's a STEM school, with a bunch of nerds that come from all over the world to go for...well, nerdy majors. But even at these schools, kids party. SS's first choice of college WAS a party school, but we wouldn't let him go there because it was too expensive. He managed to find his way into the party group (frats) at this school. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut. Most of it happens off-campus.
Too true. Though I chose a
Too true. Though I chose a school in a state that still had a drinking age of 19. I graduated HS at 19 so part of my school choice was to avoid MIP tickets.
I had been traveling alone internationally all through HS with many several day layovers in Europe so I had some experience with alcohol in countries with no drinking age.
The state upped the drinking age to 21 at the beginning of the second semester of my Freshman year. However, anyone already 19 was grandfathered so it made no difference other than to those who were still 18.
Fortunatley I am not and never have been a big drinker. A few incidents of overindulging as a teen broke me of any tendencies to over imbibe.
Later in my University career I had a classmate who made a ton of money making and selling fake IDs. He had a friend who worked at the PO who stole a case of the license lamination covers from a Mid West state that had the state seal on them. He paid an artist to paint a drivers license from that state on a human size board. Both front and back versions of the license. He mounted the board on a wall and would stand his customers in front of it, take their picture, then laminate that with the official state laminating sleeves. The sections of the license that had script he would put stickers to get the right name and to change up the license number. I was shocked at how effective that method was. He had teens lined up for days to get his product.
I found out about it when I dated a young woman I met at a club who had one of his IDs. I was gun shy from my recent divorce and did not want to risk hooking up with underage individuals so if I suspected a woman was underage, I asked to see ID. She came to a party at my apartment one weekend and my friend pulled me aside to inform me that she had a fake ID and was not of age. I had seen her ID and had no idea it was fake. I was late 20s. She was 16. I ended it.
Not that I have a problem with younger women. A few years later I married an 18yo. But, she was legal. Though not to drink. I tease my incredible bride of 30 years that I married my mid life crisis. The funny thing was that on our wedding night we went to a show at a casino and she drank blue hawaiians like crazy. They carded her, she gave them her legit ID and her marriage license so they carded me and they served her.
Dh isn't the brightest giving
Dh isn't the brightest giving his son a fake ID... WTF. He's as crazy as crazy .
I had put it out of my mind
I had put it out of my mind and then I came back here and now I'm riled up about it again. Lol. You're not wrong, it is absolutely ludicrous. And to think he has never once allowed SS to have a drink at home with us, even when I was like, well do we let him have a drink at his graduation party...? DH: NO! Make it make sense.
I've never heard of a parent
I've never heard of a parent giving their kid a fake id for boozing. I have heard of parents allowing their kids to drink with them and that sort of thing but actually giving a kid an ID basically telling them to lie to get into bars and buy booze is just plain nuts to me. Like saying outright it's ok to break the law to do something illegal. And encouraging it.
Yes he’s a idiot
Parenting is trying to keep your kids safe. Not give them way to drink underage. They should figure that out themselves. Bars either care abd will check the age or don't care and a McDonald receipt would work.''
Then he should of taken his DD to a empty parking lot and practice driving there. Going up and down the rows. Turning, backing up. Three pint turn So you can't hit anything
Not my problem. I just keep
SS is gone AND he will not be bailed out of jail on dui, disorderly conduct, public intoxication, none of it
Is what I would insist if I were in the situation
Yep
This is my mantra. We are too far away, I am going to focus on the "this is not my problem" part of it all.
Your husband sounds like he's
Your husband sounds like he's trying to "make a man" out of his son by allowing him to do things adults do but not realizing (or caring) the age limitations are there for a reason.
Let his son self destruct because his father allowing him to make poor decisions.....let them both know off the top that you're not the "clean up crew/fixer" nor will your resources be going to any "bail outs"/warehousing anyone with criminal records