I understand your feelings, but they are concerning.

It seems that even though you're working and would have trouble taking time off, and the SD is a PITA, and you don't really want to spend time seeing the BM at a promotion ceremony, you're still hurt for not being "included."

First, the kid only got 3 tickets so unless she could have gotten more and chose not to, you're not really being excluded.

And please don't get upset with your husband for being "indifferent". It's going to be a boring ceremony and it's not really a graduation. I'm sure he's proud of his daughter, but most likely would rather not go.

FOMO is a real thing - fear of missing out (or being excluded).

This is a case where you should WANT to miss out. SD, by her behavior, has already excluded you on a regular basis. You are also excluded by BM. Your DH probably thinks it's a favor to you that you can't go.

Then, if you don't already see a therapist, I recommend seeing one because I've been where you are and worried about people I don't like and who don't treat me well excluding me. Therapy has freed me to focus only on people who choose me and include me. And I no longer get upset when unsavory or toxic people exclude me. I'm grateful that they do.

Tell them about your family. I am sure there exter tickets. To be had .

all you need is one exter,,     School don't want to hold back students.  There no space if they hold back all the kids that Need it.  They just push them along right out of high school.  Into someone else's problems 

Is the school offering a website so you can watch a live stream of the event?  If you really feel the need to?

Stepgrandson finished grade 8 last year. There was a ceremony (not graduation).SD texted us that he only got two tickets, but they were live streaming it and we could watch.
We did watch. It was a lovely ceremony in a half filled auditorium. 

What SD didn't realize is that we knew he got 4 tickets. It was on the school website. And it said if you needed more to ask. 

In our case, I know that if they could have invited just DH they would. DH is no longer driving and I would need to drive him there.

SD had her 8th grade step up in 2021. Only 2 people were allowed ago. Over the 3 years SD was in middle school I think BM maybe spent 20 hours with her....Over 3 year... I just looked at my notes.. 

It bothered me that I didn't get to go and she was able to pretend... but everyone knows the truth.. it's just a show.. I honestly don't even remember mine.

Don't think too much about it. 

In the end, I think you got what you want.. not having to go.. deal with BM ETC....

Your DH probably was not too upset knowing you would have to work so he didn't want to make a big deal.. have a ticket procured and then find out you couldn't go.. because of your job..  

I am sure most parents don't really want to attend these things..haha.

DH is still waiting to hear from YSD18 about her HS graduation plans. In three weeks. Not one word. An no, she didn't show up this weekend either.

When SD25 Feral Forger graduated high school (barely), she tried that game too. "I only have x amount of tickets, and I invited x amount of people" which basically meant no ticket for Clove. This was when we were semi ok, but barely. Husband and I were still newish at 2ish years and not yet married and Toxic Troll was not with Tweedle Dum anymore. I think she said something like "I only have 10 tickets and invited 10 people..."

The drama hit the fan (not from me) and husband told FF that he would not go if I cannot go (darn! was so hoping to NOT have to go) and then Aunties told him they would reliquish a ticket for me (double darn!).

The next day, FF came up to me with "I hope you go, I had to stand in line for a really long time to get this..."

I took half day off no pay.

I sat on a cold hard bench in the hot sun for 3 hours, forgot to bring water. 

No thank yous, nothing.

I get the mixed emotions, but at the end of the day, you dont really want to be there and shes not worthy of your time and attention and that energy. Its not even high school or college...

So enjoy your day away from her toxic sludge.

Been there, done that. Par the course for Stepworld and for valid Reasons.. Not that it always makes things any easier sometimes. However, if this was something that you know deep down you didnt feel comfortable with attending, then I would dare to say that You might have dodged a bullet. There was a time when I would have been insulted in your situation ( and rightfully so)  Now, over time, I got to to this place where it wouldnt bother me as much as it used to. Learned to not feel so guilty either  Knowing that SD and BM  arent  really the kind of people I really want to go out of my way to spend time with and avoid it as much as humanly possible, which has gotten easier now that we are ALL adults now. . So I really dont feel like I am missing out on much honestly. 

FOMO has morphed into JOMO ( Joy of Missing out!). I would take that as win if DH isnt pressuring you to go. Sometimes, that is the best you can hope for. 

ALSO: Refraining from being FB friends or on any social media is always a good call! 

Sounds like bullshit to me.  My money is on the liklihood that BM is PASing and manipulating and SD is either fully on board with that or just attempting to survive yet another BM manipulation.  Hopefully the later.

I think in that case, if I were daddy and you, I would reach out to families who may not use all of their seats and buy some extras then show up together loud, proud, fully present and be locked at the hip of BM and her new breeding partner making sure to be radiant, happy, and very in their faces about being there whether they wanted us there or not.  There are ways to defeat these pathetic manipulative attempts.

Do what it takes to win and do it in a way that the opposition is blindsided and disrupted as much as possible.  They are being toxic and manipulative. Your side is just trying to be present for the kid's celebration.. .and to send a very pointed very public message.

Even is DH and you choose not go, get his ticket so BM cannot use it.  

I'd take it as a blessing but I'm way into this StepHell journey so take what I say with a grain of salt. I can see why you have mixed emotions. 

Still....you are not the "bad" person in this mess yet you are being treated as such. Definitely NO card or gift. Send your congrats via your DH and on that particular time, plan something special for yourself.

I get your feelings. You don't even want to go, but it's the insult. It's easier said than done to disengage with disordered people who continue to impact your life. The best thing to do is to focus on the positives in your life and ignore them, but, easier said. I read your most recent blog about the dance/getting ready, etc. That may be something you CAN control. Minimizing BM coming by unnecessarily. You can't make someone do something like invite you or respect you, but you can set boundaries about what happens in your home and in your yard (if BM wants to hang out while SD gets ready. Just no.)