I'd give a sarcastic "have fun with that"... and likely make remarks about he and his wife having a good time on their trip. The bigger question- what 18 y/old young adult wants to vacation with their parent? Is she another one with no friends/life of her own outside of daaadee?

I'd be annoyed by the fact that he is making passive aggressive comments. What's his problem? Won't you be paying for your daughter to fly home? 

I don't know on one hand a one on one trip doesn't seem that bad. But the way it's phrased is that "you are not allowed to come" and that sounds quite rude opposed to we want a trip the 2 of us. I would be irked about that and if that's the case it's incredibly insensitive the way it sounds and is phrased

Also bothersome about his little dig comments at your kid.. I would tell him point blank that you get he doesn't like it but he can keep the comments to himself 

I think they are different because SD specifically requested you to NOT go. Moving is different from a vacation. 

Say "bon voyage" and let it go. Doubt he will have a fun time anyway. There is no way in h3ll DH would voluntarily go on a trip solely with SD14. Too much drama. They can't sit at the dinner table for 30 minutes without arguing, let alone a whole weekend! 

Let your DH see for himself that the grass isn't greener. 

Without knowing more about your situation, I'd say it sounds fair. You want to take your daughter, not just to drop her off, but also to see the sites and show her around and get her all settled in. You will probably make a bit of a vacation of it. There will be lovely lunches and dinners together, lots of chatting, getting to know her new world. You don't want your husband there because you don't want him messing up the weekend.

The 18 year old is also about to fledge the nest soon. And this is a perfect opportunity for her and her dad to have some one on one time, doing very much what you're doing. Having some dinners and lunches together, sharing some sites.

do you want to be on vacation with them? In a family where vacation days are usually treasured, the divide and conquer seems perfect. You each get a little one on one time with your child, without the other parent throwing a monkey wrench in it. SD doesn't seem to want you there, and you made it very clear that you don't want your husband there. You can't say that your feelings and your daughters reactions are valid, but theirs aren't. 

I hope you both enjoy this unusual event, and come back afterwards with good memories.

Will she get the going to college setting in trip.?   Think it's more that SD requesting a daddddy and daughter inky trip.  That's not being part of the family.   Also i think you should let DH go with you and your DD to college trip. But he must behave or else . That trip is 26 hours of driving one way or else flying , car rental, food is going to cost a lot.   Who wants to drive back 26 hours alone 

I say enjoy your time without your DH and SD. They sound like jerks.

My DH recently went on vacation with SD26. He came back with all sorts of problems. (see my recent blog) I don't think he'll be in a hurry to do that again anytime soon.

I did also go on my own trip to visit my family and I had a great time.

I wasn't happy about his choice to cater to SD but each of us going on our own trip seemed like a fair compromise.

The thing that is concerning to me about your DH is that he is giddy about going away without you. That feels contemptuous and would make me concerned about the overall health of the relationship.

Thats what came to mind. Not so much that big daddio goes on his vacay with his 18 yr old. well maybe a little to alot . Its more because they both have a  mini spouse problemo.

Dh goes on vacay with the mini wife, how sweeet.

Your DH sounds like a dick TBH. 

Id be taking your DD out for some nice meals etc, since you share financials. 

Is the mini wife going to college? Does she live close by?

Let him enjoy his mini wife. Id neglect your wifey duties like in no help with packing etc.

I think in general, a parent taking a one-on-one vacation with their child isn't weird and actually probably a good thing. I've done this with each of my own parents on multiple occasions over the past 15 years or so. I've also taken DD and the SDs on several one-on-one trips, as has my XH. It's always been a good experience for everyone involved.

That being said, in the context of the situation you describe, him being hostile towards your daughter, being rude about telling you that you're not invited, and being openly happy about going without you, I think it seems like a red flag. He's definitely acting like a jerk and I don't blame you for being annoyed by it. 

Mini-wife and Side Piece. Guess which one you are and guess which one SD is.

I read your post, got one kind of impression, read the comments and got another kind of impression.

1. Your DD is going away to college. That is admirable and to be respected! Thats HUGE! Dont let him ruin it with his snottyness. Enjoy the time with your bio. Be the proud momma.

2. He prefers mini wife because its all fun. Sd acts adoring, he acts adoring and happy like hes in love. She gives him the happy vibes, because theres non of the real work involved. No rules, no expectations. Isnt it awesome? Then along comes you with reality. Work. Feelings that need discussions. Problems. Issues.

3. I recomend therapy and a visit to a lawyer, because this doesnt magically fix itself and often with this level of enmeshment and mini-spouse behavior (she wants dadee all to herself and is conciously excluding YOU, and hes "giddy" about that?) it gets worse over time. It happens with both men and women bio parents. Spousification of their children, enmeshment, etc. This is bordering on emotional incest. 

Im sorry you are being treated like this.

he has had a bit of an attitude about how far away she's going and makes passive aggressive comments.  He complains about how this is now gonna cost him more money to fly her back and forth now and for me to go visit her.
 

Yeah he's being petty IMO

If you have decent credit all expenses can be run through a travel rewards credit card paid off every month which can generate reward points that can be used to procure travel arrangements so essentially trips can be free or low cost. 

I was at first a bit freaked out my bio wanted to traipse halfway across the country to pursue higher education but then I realize the frequent flyer miles and travel rewards credit cards can cut down on the out of pocket travel expenses 

Hes rude for using money (or his lack thereof) to be mean to you and your daughter 

IMHO  there is only one way to feel and only one answer. FUCK NO!

These coddled failed family spawn need absolute firm input that a spouse trumps a kid every time.  I would instruct DH to reply. "No, my wife and I will be on the trip or.. you won't be on the trip kid."  

I would say that you and DH do two trips. One with his spawn, and one with yours.  If SD won't agree to that, then the three of you (DH, you, and our DD) do an over the top vacation and make sure to rub SD's nose in the stench of her choice not to participate.

Have fun!

A move in trip and a vacation are two very different things.  DH is either willfully delusional or an idiot. Maybe both. Only you know which. Your should not be on the move in trip for your and DD.  He will ruin it without a doubt. Keep his nose scrubbed in his own toxic shit so when he plays the excuse card and the "its different" card you can enjoy his suffering when  you bare his ass. 

Which I would absolutely do if I were you.\

Congrats on DD's new adventure!