Venting and tapping out
So I have been needing to vent a lot lately regarding steplife. I found myself reacting a lot more than usual due to post partum hormones, but I am slowly getting back to my normal self. Hence when bad behaviour happens from the skids I shut it down and make them accountable. Ooh they hate it but, I just have no effs and stand up for myself and my small children in my home. DH has my back, but he also wants to put his head in the sand sometimes which I have zero tolerance with.
SS11 has his phone up and running again, he tried to change his passcode and forgot it and locked himself out.. all because DH confronted him on the content on his phone. He abused a boy at school with a text containing filthy language, and he's been exposed to mature content thanks to BM having no parental control in place. He found out we can see his location and disabled it. SD10 the same on her phone, mature content yes including porn, she was 9 at the time, own TikTok account and Snapchat, YouTube, no parental monitoring or control. So she stopped bringing her phone over to ours and also disabled her location so DH can't see her tracking anymore either. I'm curious to see if SS brings his phone over next week.
At the moment they have unlimited screen time at BMs, stay up till midnight on school nights scrolling, Snapchat, TikTok, YouTube, ps4. They both have 'bfs and gfs' at school. Found out SD is best friends with SS's gf and BM allows her to sleep over their house. Given to the overwhelming sexual content they have been exposed to, there is no way no how I would allow that in our home. They are allowed to stay at home by themselves including overnight. I saw screenshots in SD phone on how to walk herself to a random house from BMs and have seen her be at that house in random hours of the morning and night. They live with BM's brother who swears, drinks, illicit drugs, and has no parental fibre in his being. He lives in BMs garage. BM is single again so she's out every weekend drinking. Hence why DH is taking her to court. Their home life is so detrimental and I honestly think the damage is done.. but there may be light.
When they are at our house they morph into people trying to be someone they are not. It's getting more prominent as they are getting older. Their true colours seep out and I nip things in the bud. My doctor and psychologist both told me, if you feel (like an adult in your home) supervising children and it's in their best interest to correct them, do it. So I do, as I have a 3 year old and 8 month old to protect too. They go back and tell BM how god awful I am when really I am being a normal parent who is installing respect and kindness into a home.
Anyway my friend suggested I make a fake TikTok account and follow them on TikTok as they have it on public to get followers, and what not. So I have found SS and SD and she does a lot of reposting of other users posts. But the posts are really concerning. If I was a parent that cares about what my primary school aged children follow (BM follows her and seems to approve it so that's what is also disgusting) I would be beside myself with worry! Shes posting how much she loves her BF. So very boyfriend crazy. There is mental health posts though like how she is unhappy with herself, an overthinker, crying, body shaming, ect.
There is a repost of 'that one girl' and emojis of her in a car running 'that girl' over dead. Saying she's crazy jealous. Being 'the eldest daughter and having things her way'. Skanky girls dancing, and a post saying 'oh your family is so nice' then the next slide says 'you don't know f*k about my family'. In summary I see a 10 year old girl making a 10 year old boy her entire life, jealous, insecure, sadistic, and depressed.
Another girl she follows from her school posts pictures of the beach, holiday destinations, funny child content, but nothing like what SD does. I am super conflicted as I have tried to be there for SD. Sit her down with DH and have the 'are you ok chat, we love you, your beautiful, we will buy you things you enjoy so you can feel happy at our house' and everytime she balls her eyes out and it's just not a normal reaction. She seriously needs to see a child psychologist. I think she's a victim of BM narcissistic parenting, manipulation, and so when we do nice things for her, BM shuts it down and she's conflicted.
So I'm at the point now where her behaviour to me is rude, guarded and mean girl basically. I have now chosen to throw the towel in and told DH he is on his own. I have stopped doing the things I would normally do. Clean their linen, make their beds, wash their clothes, tell them to shower, make them food. I'm checking out 100%... again! I engage and disengage all the time but it's because I'm a nice and caring person at heart I want to engage but all I do is get shat on basically. DH is home with them 24/7 now so he can do it all.
I'm now telling DH either he or they can wash their clothes, fold them, ect. I'm done. SS is a narcissist and SD is seriously.. twisted and unstable.. the more I try to help her, the more damage I clearly think I'm doing and BM would be cheering to hear it as now SD is there to fulfil her ego 100%. Super super toxic. She is just a walking red flag every time I see her. Teenage years she will most likely a victim of rape, or suicide and I'm seriously concerned for her and DH has to tackle it as my mental health is starting to get affected.
I'm just going to protect my children as much as I can from it but it's hard when they both love them so much, yet SD and SS both have toxic traits thanks to BM.
- floralsm's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Sadly, 10 is not too young to get knocked up or knock someone up
Be ready for that. IMHO, it is a forgone conclusion with this kid, maybe with her brother as well.
Good luck with the custody suit.
But, be careful what you wish for. The law of unintended consequences will always collect.
Yes definitely being careful
Yes definitely being careful what we wish for. I hope the judge just signs off on a court order that we want and hope we don't get them full time. But before BM REFUSES to do mediation or act live a mature human being it's come to a decision now that's out of both DH and her hands. Fingers crossed and watch this space I guess.
the more I try to help her,
sometimes with skids the more you do for them the more it backfires.
For me when I was with the Disneyland dad I disengaged from that train wreck parenting operation him and his beastly breeder had in operation.
They were so lackadaisical (raising lazy bumps on logs who did nothing but beg for toys they would break shortly after purchase, beg for money, or beg to be taken all around the city to shop for them or entertain them) that i didn't want their influence to rub off on my bio who is an honor student, elite athlete, hard worker, college bound philanthropist so I would "disappear" every weekend and every holiday during his sh*tshow parenting time
I refused to expend hella energy and resources getting those skids up to par because I knew it would be like dragging filthy wild bobcats in for a bath, knew they'd resent me for trying to "change" them (even if change for the better), knew the moment the went back to their breeder the positive changes would revert, and simply the ROI wasn't enough for me to do all that work with nothing in return to show for it
Not understanding how your DH is home with them but not parenting them and leaving you to stress about the new kids AND his rambunctious kids.
Grr yes! I definitely plan
Grr yes! I definitely plan just to be conveniently not at home but it's hard as DH is FIFO working which means when he's home the skids are there and I don't get much time with him otherwise as when the skids go,, he goes back to work.
But on the other hand.. Oh yes I get frustrated at DH too, we have had our heated words where I tell him I'm sick to death of the skids coming to ME when they're biological FATHER is literally on the couch and they walk straight past him to ask a question. I also feel a bit annoyed when I do 100% of the work on our two small children and he's 100% attention on watching tv on the couch with the skids, and it's obvious in that moment I could really appreciate a bit of his 'help' with his two small children. Seriously I don't need to ask can you please get DD3 out of the bath while I feed and put down our 9 month old?! But lord give me strength I do and the look the skids have on their faces that I make DH help me instead of letting him hang out with them pisses me off even more.
it's the lack of respect and DH is just ignorant of it sometimes and it drives me nuts. Then other times he does see it.
Keep doing it and at the same
Keep doing it and at the same time remind him that he has other children who need him too.
Btw the adult content is very
Btw the adult content is very hard to eliminate completely. Should be illegal how easy it is to access.
As soon as those kids go to bed, unlock their phones and turn the location back on and tell them if they dare touch the settings ... they don't want to eff around and find out why happens next.
When she was middle school age, I caught my kid searching "how do I remove parental settings" .... I told mine she dare override my parental settings she will draw back some nubs lol ...
She probably found a workaround to access the content but I did strike the fear in her and made it harder to find.
I also told mine as long as I pay this bill this phone is MINE (just letting you use it) and I will check it whenever I decide to do so.
Kids want total privacy then they can get jobs, get their own home, and pay their own bill and then have as much privacy as they desire....until then, my dependents I'm responsible for/my money then my rules!
Bravo!
Yeah totally agree. But now
Yeah totally agree. But now they don't bring their phones to our house (BM supplied it to them so I guess she may have said to keep them at hers too) because that is exactly what we do. They are not allowed to have them in their bedrooms at nighttime when they sleep. They have to have parent control in place and locations are turned on. Plus at school they have to keep their phones at ours too. SS has a SIM card but never any credit as BM refuses to top it up and SD has no sim but uses wifi to speak with people.
When they realised we monitor the things they look at and do, BM told them we are violating their privacy and not respecting them. So we are horrible people and they can disrespect DH by turning their location off because BM told them too and only have it on for her, and basically don't take their phones at our house. Whatever, we got enough evidence out of their phones to take BM down In court anyway so the damage is done and I now have accepted it's something I can't control and just monitor their TikTok's which they have no clue about and think we have no idea how to navigate it.
At ages 10 and 11 you cannot
At ages 10 and 11 you cannot violate their phone/Internet privacy because, at that age, they have none.
Sadly when it comes to a
Sadly when it comes to a toxic blended family opposition, you can't fix stupid. Particularly when they are clueless to the fact that they are stupid.
My dd turns 10 in August
and I can't imagine parenting like your BM does. I just can not!!!!!!!!!!
But I know how you feel because I was once you. I have two SD's. I loved them very very much and SD24 actually turned out ok. I'm shocked as SH*T. I REALLY came to this site because of her but I did just as you did. I parented until I couldn't parent anymore and you know what? I think it actually took hold in her cause she's graduating from Ocupational Therapy school and she is a decent person. She survived North Korea has a mother.
SD22 who turns 23 next month is a little lost lamb. I pretty much expect her to die any day now. She is a sex worker with neck tattoos that are almost up to her face with gross plastic surgery. She is a mess and she's not a nice person. So North Korea ruined her. Sh*tty parenting can ruin a child. I had to disengage because it became too painful. I haven't seen or spoken to SD22 in years now. But she was oversexualized as a child with very poor self esteem from having a narcissitic mother. I feel for you. I lived it. It's hard. You do have to protect your own children from it. I don't let DD9 around SD22.
Oh no that's awful. Thank you
Oh no that's awful. Thank you for understanding though and know what I'm going through it's really refreshing to hear I'm not alone and people have also experienced first hand what it's like. Yeah I can imagine SD being a victim of something sinister as she thinks she can handle herself but she really can't and is just desperate for attention. Narcissistic parenting really does screw up kids and they grow up to be dependant and insecure adults even though SD thinks she's so independent now. I plan to live on rural property with DH when the children flock the nest and one of the reasons is so we don't get them on our doorstep wanting to live back with us.. they won't want a home life with no internet and living in the sticks, and have DH grand kids at our door step exepected to be baby sat. That will definitely not be us. Well fingers crossed.
No need to cross fingers,
No need to cross fingers, make this your line in the sand. If your dh decides he wants to babysit, it has to be in THEIR home not yours.
Good for you. Take no sh!t.
Good for you. Take no sh!t. They are old enough to do their own wash and clean after themselves. My kids have done theirs since starting middle school at age 11. It's your house. Your rules.
Bravo!!!
Haha SS can't even figure out
Haha SS can't even figure out how to line a bin liner, my DD3 showed him how to do it. He's going to cry his eyes out when I tell him to do his own washing.
Make sure to post that video
Make sure to post that video to YouTube.
It’s just amazing how people don’t parent
It's your phone, you are paying for it. Beside tge kids are minors. You just tell the kids if they want to use those phones. Location is turned on, and you can check there phones. Minors reaction with other minors. You can get and kiddy porn.. is a real thing. You know where the FBI gets involved. Second choice. Phone stays home turn off
unfortunately today you can communicate with so many things.
Yeah it's bad.. we tell them
Yeah it's bad.. we tell them they are still by law children and we are responsible for them but they are so brain washed they still believe we are horrible people for even monitoring their phones. Unfortunately because we told them phones stay home when they are at school, they are turned off and not in their bedrooms over night, location is enabled and parental control on.. they now don't bring them at all to our house. So they must hate going cold turkey for 6 days without it but the damage is done, we have seen what they do and got enough evidence out of those phones to slam BM in court.
Do you have a friend in law
Do you have a friend in law enforcement who could give them a talk about the real risks of the Internet? My father was a policeman and one day he explained to my friend (we were about 8-9 at the time) exactly and in graphic detail why we couldn't walk home alone after an evening event at the youth centre. Her eyes were like saucers but she got the message.
No I wish I did, that sounds
No I wish I did, that sounds like a really good idea.