You are here

Jealous SD

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 2:50am

SD10 is super jealous of DD3. She is also guarded and secretive and generally growing up to be not a nice person. Fun times! 

SS11 asking DD3 a question out of a game and DD3 responded with a correct answer. Bravo! SS was surprised and praised her, but SD couldn't help herself and immediately ask her.. 'yeah but do you know what 2 plus 2 is?' DD went quiet and stared at her because she obviously doesn't know what plus and minus is yet!! She hasn't even started pre school FFS. 

I saw SD smirk at her and of course said to SD 'Don't ask DD ridiculous questions SD'. Of course I got in trouble by DH for 'spoiling the mood' as she sulked and I glared at DH and said 'I'm not putting up with mean comments at our child because a 10 year old is jealous of the achievement and praise she just received'. 

SD also had a sleep over with friends this weekend and she got annoyed when her friend played with DD3. She also got annoyed when I made the bed they were sleeping on and her friend helped me put the sheets on and tried to tell her friend to stop. Man I kept my cool but I was ready to flip my lid. 

Today, we caught up with the in-laws and they showed DD3 attention as her curls were particularly pretty today with the cold weather and SD pouted and sulked at the table. I also noticed on her TikTok account (yep BM allows her to have a phone and TikTok and Snapchat) she reposted a post of a woman miming a song 'my way and always my way' with  the caption 'eldest daughter'. Like wtf?! Your sister is a 3 year old who absolutely ADORES you. God it's so frustrating to not react sometimes! 

I do alot for SD to make her feel welcome, loved and appreciated in our home. All I ask is she respect me and not play games and be mean. DH being a bloke I swear can't see some of the 'mean school girl' games she does, and makes me look crazy, but then sometimes he sees it. 

We are in the process of a court battle for a court order and custody arrangement may come up where the judge might favour us to have the kids more. We have a lot of documentation of bad behaviour and neglect from BM, leaving the skids at home alone ect. Do you think the behaviour will die down if we have them more as BM influence won't be there as much? I have not much hope but DH is hoping so.. ugh. Shes only 10! Not looking forward for teenagers. 

 

Comments

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 2:55am

Sorry, it sucks and yes, your Mean Girl SD's teen years aren't gonna be pretty.

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 7:18pm

I'm not keen at all! She is already obsessed with boys and not at all interested in acting her age. Her toxic mother is her role model unfortunately and encourages it. 

Stepping Along's picture

Submitted by Stepping Along on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 4:29am

This is all so annoying, but also normal big sister behaviour. Can't handle the attention being on the cuter younger one. Girls, 10-12 are such hard work a they think they know it all and haven't reached high school yet to realise how young theh are. 
Main thing that bothers me with this is your husband correcting you... girls/siblings behaviour might be "normal" but doesn't mean it shouldn't be corrected or shut down - they need to be taught!! Keep doing what your doing and correct DH!! 

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 7:37pm

You are so spot on! I find the rivalry with SD and SS extremely toxic. They are nasty with each other sometimes and plain jerks so I don't want that behaviour to seep into my household.

I have taught DD3 the memory game and she loves it, but she is also learning that she may verse someone and not get as many turns when playing against older people, including myself, so I am teaching her how to still see the fun in the game with the other person is winning. In saying that she plays very well! I'm super proud of her with that. 

When SD plays she's very competitive with DD and SS is the same (he actually throws a royal tantrum and storms off when he loses and he's almost 12!)  I have explained to them that I sometimes help DD find the right card as she's only 3 and it helps encourage her to keep trying.. rather than cheer and act happy when she gets it wrong! I correct SS and SD and say 'Instead of being happy when someone loses, we say Good Try!' Nothing seeps in though. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 9:44am

He should be parenting his DD,  Correcting her.  Stoping her from being not nice to her sister.  Not making excuses for her.   That's why she is this way. DH Allows it to hapoen. And does nothing.  Why will thing change?  They will not.  

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 7:40pm

Yeah I agree. He is getting there but sometimes he drops the ball and it's infuriating. 

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 7:44pm

Yep I'm feeling that is the case. All we want is a concrete court order with DH included in decision making regarding the children. It's up to the judge now in which household to have the skids but if it does for whatever reason go to BM, then unfortunately might be what is best for them in the way they are becoming as human beings. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 3:31pm

This kid's personality and basic character are set. Without extremely well defined standards of behavior and standards of performance, iher behavior will only get worse. She is beyond help regarding her personality and character.  The only way to minimize the negative impact that she is on the rest of the family is to keep a foot on her throat and apply escalating abject misery inducing consequences when she pulls her usual behavioral crap.  She needs to learn that her behaviors have consequences and you need to make sure that she suffers effectively due to those consequences.

10yo is more than old enough to know right from wrong and to have a firm boot up her ass when she chooses wrong behaviors.

As for your DH grousing at you for calling out the toxic 10yo on her pathetic efforts to demean a 3yo, you should have climbed his idiot ass brutally in front of the kids for taking his stand publically.  No tolerance for that crap.  Make sure that DH is clear that if his toxic 10yo spawn is not kept firmly under control that she ill not be in your home when you and your 3yo are present.  His choice. Control her, or leave with her.

He needs to know that if ever disrespects you again in any way, his ass and his toxic spawn are gone and he will get nailed with a shit pile of CS on the kids he shares with you.  This guy is an immature POS.

Nea

I would also suggest that when the toxic 10yo pulls her "2+2" shit with your 3yo that you immediately go into tattooing her as an idiot by asking her things she could not possibly know the answer to. "So, what is the Cos of X?  Wow, are you stupid?" Then ask her how it feels since she seems to enjoy doing it to a 3yo."

As for the 10yo and her getting irritated because her polite friend was helping you make the bed for the sleppover, nope. "Instead of being a little bitchy moron, why don't you take a lesson from your kind and polite friend?  Now, go to that corner, put your nose in it and stay there until I tell you to move." Then, engage the quality friend in conversation, snacks and drinks, a game, etc.. all while the POS 10yo is in the corner where all can see her, she can't see shit, and she can hear the fun conversations everyone else is having.

I have little tolerance for poor character. I have less tolerance for toxic behavior.

This kid would suffer intensly  for pulling that shit if I were  you. DH would rue the day he bred that POS spawn and called you out for confronting her shit. 

floralsm's picture

Submitted by floralsm on Sat, 04/27/2024 - 7:50pm

Yeah I actually just said to DH, (SS just stormed out of his room after losing to SD on the switch and turned DD's show off and started watching a movie he wanted to watch) 'excuse me! If SS wants to act like a 3 year old throwing a tantrum he can be disciplined like one and sit in the corner looking at wall!' DH listened to me and turned the tv back to DD's show, but unfortunately SS is still sitting on the couch sulking and not facing a wall. 
 

Toxic BM is a narcissistic asshole and I'm starting to see some of the traits in SS sometimes. Where everything is a competition and he has to be the best, and if his ego is hurt then he gets hurt and makes it about himself. It's ridiculous. 
 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 04/28/2024 - 4:10pm

At least DH turned the show back to DD's choice instead of catering to his undeveloped overgrown toddler SS.

There may be hope yet.

Take care of you

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Sun, 04/28/2024 - 11:32am

just wait till DD supercedes SD in all things. Beauty brains and sweetness...!