Are sleepovers ok aka needing entertainment?
funny story folks.
SD17in5months18 and I were chatting and talking about scheduling and when she was going to be with us and her social calendar. Im a question asker and shes a big talker so generally conversations are good.
She happens to mention she is dog sitting for Toxic Troll over night due to Toxic Troll having a "Drs appointment" (insert eye roll because TT likely has a dude who is going to play Dr on her) and then when I mentioned her dads family reunion saturday, she casually mentions a sleepover with her 6 person friend group of mixed male/females. I casually ask if she cleared it with whomever. She casually sais "oh yeah sure".
Then her male friend (we think boyfriend, she doesnt call him that but hes always driving her around and buying her food) comes by to pick her up. Hes nice looking and reserved, I go in the other room, while she gets ready and they talk. They leave, and I text husband "so powersulk is dog sitting overnight, then has a sleepover, and will be dropped off for reunion, did you know about sleepover?"
haahaaaaaaa
no he did not.
Did he have the protect thyself talk?
No he did not.
His comment is "well if a baby happens, Ill be a grandpa and thats good for me!"
WTF? What about illness that takes away reproductive abilities? What about college and who will take care of baby?
Well, not my circus not my baby monkees.
I did add that adult priviledges (going and coming whenever and whereever and with whomever) should equal adult responsibilities (contributing to household, having a job, driving a car)
***its bothering me as to her lying to me about it too....
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Comments
Oh wow, that's some
Oh wow, that's some responsible parenting there!
"well if a baby happens,
That is one of the dumbest statements I have ever heard. Good for him? How? Does bragging you are a grandfather override the ways having a baby would derail your child's life?
I do not know
I want to think he was joking because hes not comfortable with the seriousness of it.
He trusts her.
I do not.
WTF???
That is all.
I have always thought your DH somewhat of an idiot, this confirm
I have always thought your DH somewhat of an idiot, this confirms it.
I completely overstepped with my SD when it came to birth control. I talked to her about it, and I took her to Planned Parenthood with only the knowledge of DH. I don't regret it for a second, even with the blowback from BM. She didn't get pregnant until she was in her mid twenties. It is the one time I think steps should overstep and do what they can to prevent a pregnancy.
I'm of the same feelings. I
I'm of the same feelings. I think kids deserve accurate information and someone to talk to about sexual health. Especially so in the USA (not my native country) with the poor sex Ed in most schools.
I have no idea
I have zero idea if shes on any kind pf birthcontrol or whatever.
Im tempted to ask...toxic troll is the one whos all about drs.
Birth control
SD was living with us as a teen. We disussed periods and birth control (somewhat). Flash forward a few years and she had a serious boyfriend. I sensed if they weren't having sex, they would soon but she seemed defensive. So, I focused on the acne-fighting properties of bc pills so was able to get her to my ob.
He's checked out CLove. You
Your DH is checked out CLove. You're right not your monkeys, not your circus. <3 As for the lying good- now you know she lies to you and you'll protect yourself and not believe her...especially if it's something that is going to impact you. She showed you through her actions, believe her.
He is indeed
Hes checked out a long time ago.
Which is REALLY hard to deal with when something comes up.
The skid should be working a job and learning to drive. THEN I would say she earned the privelege of doing whatever.
If he honestly meant that
If he honestly meant that then I don't know how you have an ounce of respect for him. I'm sorry. The girl doesn't work, doesn't have her license is f'n 17 years old and he thinks it would be "good for him" if he became a grandpa...
GTFO. SD16.5 sleeps over friends house and SO has her location. If he EVER found out about a coed sleepover... all hell would rain down on her. She hasn't given SO a reason not to trust her.. she also is honor roll, works, has her license and car soo..
I think
I THINK he was joking, and I THINK its because since he didnt know and didnt clear, that now he has to be the bad guy. Thats between them.
Nope, not your circus and not
Nope, not your circus and not your monkeys. However, when SD17 gets knocked up and your DH gets all into Grampa land, it will be your marital resources that will fund it all.
No pregnant kids in your home, no breeders and GSkids in your home. Make them all live with TT so she can continue her welfare beach living and you and DH do not get stuck with yet another generation of TT's noxious gene pool.
I know
I know - too much space in my head. But her getting pregnant is not something he really worries about, so I think he was joking. Im irked that she is havingher adult priviledges unearned. No job thing and no driving thing is irking me more and more...
But I think Husband would love to have the kid around for as long as possible. Its his culture that they just have as many babies as they can...
But....but - having all these
But....but - having all these babies around will be YOUR problem, not his. He will stay on his fishing boat or in the garage with Barnacle, but he will want them at your house as much as possible. But it won't be HIM doing the work! My SO isn't from the same country but is from the same general region. He LOOVES to have lots of kids around but there's always a woman or an older child tasked with doing the labor. Not gonna be me. And better not be you!
If DH is so into being GPA
So much. He will be out buying everything. Furniture , clothing, money to live on for SD . He must be made it resize that SD getting PG. is not the start of a money train. Also know you are not the built in, fall back, babysitter. When SD wants a fun night with BF. That you maybe babysit when you feel like it but no more than that. If he volunteered to Babysit it's all on him
'But you are Clove. And you will do to much. You all ready are doing too much for SD.
I think
If she got preggers Toxic Troll would teach her how to use the system to get all kinds of money.
Teenagers lie. No, it's not
Teenagers lie. No, it's not cool, but it's not personal.
I really wish we could do more to help you not let this kid and her antics take up space in your head.
If you know what you will do to protect yourself if she gets knocked up and your spouse wants to raise her baby, then let the chips fall where they may.
I really think these conversations are like a mine field for you. You get lulled into a sense of well being with powersulk. Then you find out information that distresses you. It takes up space in your head. You share your concern with your spouse and it causes issues because he won't do a thing.
In your case, I think "ignorance is bliss" is the best approach. I would stop engaging in in-depth conversations with power sulk. Just know what you will do if your spouse tries to move her and her love child into your home. Have a plan and then trust yourself to protect your future.
Yes
I understand that it wasnt that personal. And yes, It does indeed take up too much space in my head, which is why its so great to post - I post, get it out there, and go about my merry way. Headed up the coast to a fun college/surfer beach town that was featured in the 80s film Lost Boys...
But there is that part of me that is really pi$$ed that she has so little consideration that she would just throw out a little lie to get rid of me. And Im also irked that she has all the adult priviledges and zero of the adult responsibilities. She does exactly what she wants, when she wants with whomever, and no accountability. She needs a job. I have little respect for someone who works at being a dependent. So 5 more months of supporting Miss Liarpants, then she needs to step up.
DIS-EN-GAGE.
DIS-EN-GAGE.
None of this is any surprise from all you've shared. Look at the bright side, at least she's not the train wreck (yet) that TT and FF are. There may be hope for her yet. Also, if her hygiene habits aren't good, what guy is going to want to impregnate her? If anything happens, it will probably be a blow job = no babies.
You're setting yourself up for a LOT of pain because I predict you will be supporting Ms. Liarpants for much longer than the next 5 months. Legally, your household might be off the hook but Daddy Crapparent will likely keep subsidizing her. Prepare yourself for it or you're going to be very upset when it happens.
Completely off topic - but I love that movie!
Completely off topic - but I love that movie! It is one I have watched countless times. How cool that you can go to the actual town!
People are strange
AND Im also 80's child
Yes it is in fact as strange and quirky as portrayed, and I used to see the punksters at the Boardwalk ALL the time and they all looked exactly as portrayed. NOW however its more college, families, not as many "vampires", but they still come out at night...