place to stay. I however think it is RATHER ODD that apparently both previous places wanted to track her and her whereabouts and that is why she ended up leaving those places to stay. I read your first blog on this and I don't remember if you said WHY they wanted to track her. It just seems weird to me that both households wanted to track her every move.

I totally do understand wanting to give her a couple of days before asking the hard questions or setting any expectations, but I would think before a week has concluded at her staying with you that it might be a good idea to ask these questions, get timelines, etc. or you might be stuck with a forever house guest not wanting to leave. 

I know certain states have laws on when a house guest becomes a "tenant" and you cannot just simply ask them to leave so I looked it up for California and apparently after 30 days as a house guest, that person can claim to be a tenant. Not saying that your niece would stay for 30 days and then refuse to leave because she is now legally a tenant, but also letting you know that it could happen too.

She can't work?  Really?  If she can it would probably be the best thing for her. 

I don't know. I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt with my last comment but... even then I had some doubts. I see some red flags. It doesn't sit right with me that she "cant work". Maybe so, but I don't test it. Others have tried her as a house guest and failed... and yeah why would both demand to track her unless they had suspicions she was up to no good. Not to mention, it IS an invasion of privacy and space and she's a family member which means anything that goes on in your house could potentially get back around to the family... 

My honest opinion... no. I wouldn't do it.

"SHN has heart issues, diabeties etc, but I guess shes not disabled enough. Shes working with people in social security to get the SSI figured out."

If SHN has previously worked, she should be applying for SSDI. If she's never really worked (like my Autistic son) she would apply for SSI. My son was denied and I think I appealed twice. The 2nd time I hired an attorney who wouldn't charge a fee if we didn't win. We won and his fee came out of the back SSI my son was owed.

I did learn a few things about SSI which may apply to SSDI. If you decide to let her live with you, you will need to have a lease with her and a promissory note to repay the room and board she owes you.

The rent should be reasonable for the area if you rented it to a stranger. I charge my son $550 a month which is slightly below the going rate because his SSI is only $948 a month. He also gets food stamps.

So to recap, she has to have actual expenses like room and board. Otherwise, she's living with a relative who is paying her way and "doesn't need SSI." At least that's how they looked at it when my son was living with me.

I don't feel bad about charging him rent because the house will go to him in the event of my death.

You can't do this for her. So please resist your inclination to rescue and people please. And you must have excellent boundaries. Your current arrangement is going to sour pretty soon. Please direct her to local churches or agencies who can assist her with housing and employment.

Her weight, diabetes and heart issues don't sound like enough to qualify for SSDI, if you ask me.

It's not wrong of you to ask her to find employment in the next 2 weeks. You don't have to throw ANY expectations out the window.

All you had to say was some dude swindled 250k from her?!? Wtf. 
 

I don't advocate violence but I see why people end up on snapped episodes. 
 

Yeah I'm at the point I am so against any roommates especially non paying ones that I feel your pain. 
 

When I told this dude here I didn't want his kids living here after 18 as possible non paying permanent residents I told him I was going to install multiple stripper poles, prance around a$$ hole naked (give his now adult kids more of a show then he ever got) and blast Mexican strip club music all day AND night and disturb their quality of life more then they disturb mine and they'd be begging their mother to live there or get their own place as they should. 
 

At least your neice has some home training and is polite to you. That makes it a bit more tolerable. Maybe help her find some resources for income and living arrangements 

Idk. You are so nice and want to have that family connection so bad, i am afraid you may be getting into something not good for you. It's very odd that the last 2 places she stayed wanted to track her. It's odd that $250k was atolen by shady people. Do you have details of this? Was there a police report? Are you sure she didn't, like, lose it gambling or blow it? Tread carefully. There's a reason she keeps bouncing from house to house. She isn't your niece, right? She's DH's? And she has been "coached" by BM, meaning she has a relationship with her? Why invite this into your home on a permanent basis? You have given her a short term place to stay. Maybe even make it a little longer but with an end date? This smells fishy. 

Please be careful - there are many red flags here. I know you want to take care of people and I know you want that family connection, but please make sure you aren't getting yourself into another bad situation. One of my concerns would be her bringing bad people into your life. Is she completely done with shady dude? Are you sure the tracking wasn't because they were concerned she was hanging with bad people or doing something that wasn't good for her or something or someone that would follow her home?

If she is willilng to accept "coaching" from BM, they must have some sort of a relationship. Are you sure there is no way that she is going to bring BM into your life in some way?

Shady dude got 250k after a 3 night romance?! Holy wah! SHN must be incredibly naive. Understandable why anyone would be concerned.

I know you were all antsy waiting to see my opinion (I know she wasn't, humor me please) The whole thing makes me hinky. I'd need to ask question of those who pulled out the welcome mat for her then ripped it away. 

1. how did she financially help while living w/ them?

2. The big one, I put it second because we all know it's what I'd ask, WHY TRACKING??????????

I'd ask both places that felt the need to track her. There has to be a reason. Does she disappear? Does she disappear their things?

3. What, if any, rules were put down for her? 

There's a story here and it's something serious and w/out those answers the couch would be closed in 5 full days. 

I think you, like me, have a helper gene. We didn't get treated well as youngsters and we react by adopting everyone who needs us (we think). Then we get hurt. Then we wonder why anyone would hurt us when we were just trying to help. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. 

And yes, I get it. I'm exactly the same but I tend to adopt the elderly and take care of them. I'm not allowed to anymore. I think your heart is 100% in the right place but I also think this young lady is going to implode your home. Ask question, ask for proof from her. Ask askaskask ask. And make no promises. There's something off kilter w/ this young lady. 

I feel for you CLove. I'm also a rescuer and have housed a few lost souls over the years. I don't regret it because in each case, it provided a needed bridge for the person to move to their next stage.  I've always told my own children that I'll never charge them rent as long as they're working toward their next step (like going to school, actively saving for a house). Your situation is tricky becayse of the "shady" past. I think it's reasonable to have a direct conversation with the neice about boundaries and expectations. You don't have to hold it over her head, but it's okay ti point out that having her there is inconvenient and that you don't mind a little inconvenience if it helps her. But also that you need her to respect that inconvenience and not take advantage of the situation. I also agree that the tracking is concerning. And her not wanting you to speak to her previous hosts, Back to that direct conversation: I'm not going to inconvenience myself and our lives if you're hiding things from us. If you're not hiding things, there's no reason for us not to contact the previous hosts and understand what ended those arrangements.

Is taking up way too much mind space in your head.  Disengaging from her,, is the  only way to go.  You must understand,  there nothing you can do, say, show, tell, is going to change her.  Her life is either great or it's a matter of substance.  Or nothing is her fault .   She is a taker, she will survive somehow,   There are a lot of ex convicts looking for woman. 

I didn't read everyone's comments but here is my honest opinion with the little info...

Her obesity is the cause of all her health problems. She is CHOOSING not to work and loose weight. She is trying to scam the system by getting disability because of her lifestyle CHOICES. She left her sisters because she didn't like the rules... aka she is CHOOSING to continue an unhealthy lifestyle.

I can keep going...

Clove... kick her out. Not your problem. 

SHN is not a sweet heart. Re-read her past. Sadly, she is par for the course for her gene pool.

Take care of you CLove.  Do not facilitate another parasite from DH's shit puddle family in your life.