Thankful for having found this site!  A little history: My husband and I have been together for 43y, married happily for 42y, and I made the decision long ago that children were not in my future.  His daughter is 52yo now, I'm 62yo.  Her parents divorced when she was 4yo (her mom's choice) - my hubby got divorce parents while at sea in the Navy.  Her mom remarried 6mos later.  Nice huh!  Oh and she's on her 7th marriage, and is a Christian marriage counselor.  Plus mental illness runs in her real mom's family.

SD was 9yo when she came into my life and I really loved her and cared for her.  She lived with us as a teenager because her mom couldn't handle her.  Typical teenager (I remembered rebellion) that didn't like our rules, thwarted me at every turn, hated me with a passion, manipulated her dad, and made my life hell.  I'm a pretty strong women then and now so I did not/do not put up with BS.  She wanted to return to her mom which she did.  We have always supported her - paid for college until she broke our simple request of keeping her GPA about 3.00 then she was on her own.  I have watched her treat her dad terribly, she lies then forgets what she has said - I have a rare form of memory/recall where I rarely forget anything (conversations, reading material, etc.) so this has been interesting watching her go through life, and just muck it up.  Fast Forward, we have helped with cars, rent, deposits, health care, food, clothes, etc., until she met then married a "permanent student" with a master's in poetry and no ambition - brings lazy to a new level.  Yeah, how are you going to support her and a family - total clown car.  They had 2 daughters which over the years, we have seen little of due to our jobs and living on the east coast where they are opposite.  We have always visited and been asked "are we doing the grandparent thing" which means buy them clothes, coats, shoes, food, toys, etc.  Let's just say that every time my married SD contacted us it was because they needed rent, car payments, health care, food, this emergency/that emergency, and we've been there.  Fast forward, it took my SD almost 10y of being separated from this no load to divorce him - we helped with that too.  Plus during separation and divorce, we continued to be financial support while she made bad decisions listening to well meaning friends and not us even when she asked us.  We stopped offering counsel long ago.

My SD ignores her wonderful dad - never a birthday card or call, never a father's day card, never a Christmas card.  He might get a text several days later when she remembers.  We have never forgotten her or the girls'  on their birthdays, Christmas, etc.  We moved to be closer to them, 1h away, my hubby's memory is on the decline, and I wanted him to know his grandchildren before it is too late.  What we have discovered is that the two girls could care less about us unless we are footing the bill, and his daughter never calls, never invites us to visit as just don't show up, her dad does all the calling until lately.  There is so much more to tell but I'd be here all day.  We had T'Giving together in 2022, and I hatched a plan - let's see how long it takes for her to make contact without him doing it first.  Well, we have a record - almost a year!  We weren't even invited to the oldest granddaughter's HS graduation yet a gift was expected.  My SD put the onus on the graduate who didn't send any notices, etc., to anyone.

So the long and short is that I am done!  I told my husband that I hope he can have a relationship with her, but I will not.  I've had enough and will not engage with my SD or her teen daughters ever again.  I am about compassion, kindness, courtesy, thoughfulness and I see none of these traits in these women.  For my own mental health, I can no longer support them in any way.  I grew up in a loving home but I worked hard for everything I ever got - college, work, our life - and I never, ever asked for help from anyone.  My wonderful husband has also seen the light and just yesterday he told me that he, too, is done.  He's tired of being hurt, ignored and just has to let go.  I applaud him and we will be happy without them.  I know our SD thinks she & her daughters are inheriting all of our antiques, artwork, jewelry, house & money when her dad or I pass - she actually said this to me.  Nope, not 1 dime.  We amended our wills - I get everything when my hubby passes (same if I die before him), and when I go, everything is being sold and goes to 4 global charities.  Not exactly revenge, but rewarding being ignored for almost 30+ years takes a toll.  We've decided to be happy, travel, enjoy our hard work and live the best life possible.  Thank you for giving me a place to vent - it feels good as I've kept this inside for so long!  I'm free finally.