This is a toughie for me. All 3 boys, 2 mine-1his, had the option of lving here again as long as 1. it was needed, 2. they were working, 3. it was a set time, 4. they payed a small amount of rent/utilities/food. My two took us up on it, his didn't need to. But even though they were mine, they weren't a big burden. 

Like anything else in step-landia, it can work if the circumstances are right. Just because they're steps doesn't mean they're not loved and wanted or helped. 

Thankfully you are leaving so it’s not going to be a concern for you.  I think it would be different if you had a partner who loved and respected you and who actually parented their children and had realistic expectations of their kids.  DH and I were in agreement that any of the kids (including Spawn) could stay living with us as long as they were productive, either with school or a job.   

A good kid is one you recognize when you see one.

A POS kid is one that the idiot parent has to continually labor to ignore their shit.

Sure, a kid who needs additional time and support can be a good kid.  The litmus test is does shit kid behavior have to be ignored to maintain a delusional facade that they are just a misunderstood "good" kid.

The answer is not anything but yes or no.

My kid was one who needed more time.  We made him earn that extra time every second of every extra day.

The other side of the coin and more critical is when the kid is unquestionably a POS and parents are willfully licking  The Emporer's New Clothes virus and bury their head in the litter box of POS kid stench and do not solve the problem.

It is not only SKids.  It is not only blended family member adults.  

I'm with Rumple and her comment above. I've had multiple young adults live with us for short times, all good reasons and DH and I were happy to help them out because ALL were wonderful guests, helping in the house and yard, being respectful and polite.

DHs kids can never live here because, as kids/teens, they came here, did nothing, disrespected everyone in the home, rarely spoke to me, caused drama, etc. They carried those behaviors into adulthood which is why I'm now completely disengaged from DHs kids and have zero contact with them.

It's nothing about them being SKs...it's all about them being such disrespectful and nasty human beings. 

I am 100% on board with this! I know this can be controversial because today in this age people think "kids just need to figure it out in their 20's and not rush growing up and rely on their parents to give them the room, support and resources to figure it out."

I think this can only really apply to kids that are actually TRYING and not just expecting their parents to do everything for them and put up with laziness and complacency. 

I told my DH that if SD12 is not doing at least ONE of the following that she's out at 18, luckily he agrees and is on board:

1.) Working FULL time and diligently saving for her own place.

2. Going to college FULL time AND getting good grades.

3.) Going to college part time AND working part time while saving and getting good grades.

I refuse to enable laziness and low effort. I don't have high hopes for my SD because she is a total wimp, lazy, low effort, filthy, gets bad grades, immature, can't take any criticism, entirely too soft/sensitive/cries at everything.

Part of me can't wait until we get to that point when she's 18 and inevitably has no real plan and thinks she'll just coast by living under our roof with no real responsibility and then we both say "Nope don't think so. Here are your choices, or leave."

I admit I will certainly get some satisfaction out of it and to see her held accountable and be forced to figure it out will be life changing. Hopefully in a good way for her.

I knew once Ss23 lived with us past 18, and there didn't seem to be a plan to leave, that this was something I couldn't do with Ss18. Ss23 always had excuses for why he couldn't save, he loved to use his mom as an excuse (I never believed him, I think he just never wanted to admit that he partied all his money away). 
He thought that because he paid us 400 a month, it gave him the right  to bring his guy friends over and smoke and drink with them in the basement. He even pretty much moved his gf into the basement without our knowledge. It was excruciating to get him out. 
Ss18 was supposed to finish high school. I told him I'd be open to him staying as long as he either went to college full time, or part time with a part time job. He didn't want to do either. 
Let me add that both of them were very much like bumps on logs. Ss23 knew how to cook a couple things but never really cooked for us regularly, nor did he really help out besides the few hundred we had to force him to give to us. Ss18 refused to learn how to cook. He'd wait until we got home from work, and would wait around to see if I ordered take out or if DH would ask him if he wanted him to cook for him. It used to annoy me that DH would come home from work and cook especially for Ss18, especially because SS cut school a lot and wasn't working, so it's not like he was sooo busy with his day. 
Needless to say, if they had been more useful/helpful or not wanting to steal/get high in the house, it could have worked. 
I've noticed that a lot of parents don't see an issue with a child growing into an adult and doing nothing at home, because like another poster noted, the transition doesn't occur in their brain that it's not a child anymore, it's a whole adult mooching off of you. 
And a lot of these kids seem to know who the weak parent is and tend to want to stay with them. Because they know they can take advantage. 

I fully expect Dd8 to finish High school and then, college. If not, military, or she can take some time to travel. But she sure as hell isn't welcome to stay doing nothing at home. If she wants to stay without getting a real job, she'll have to do our laundry, mop, sweep, vacuum, grocery shopping,  make me breakfast and dinner, and make herself scarce and out of my place when I need intimacy. That's my rules. 
 

Yup.  At any given time every one of my SO's kids lived with him after turning 18.  I was so thankful I had my OWN house.  The BM and step father would always kick them out.  My SO was always saying "I can't let them live out on the STREETS!!!" 

I forbid you to ever get involved with a man with kids again.  You are not SO material.   At least you know it now. And getting out before you destroy your life any more then it has.   It's nothing to be a shame of,  it's more of a revolution.. That you want your life to go in that direction you want it to go in   Someday in future life. Maybe you can have a bio kid and spoil it to death.  Have real fun being a parent.

behaved spawn appropriately to their behavior. As well as appreciating and celebrating well behaved spawn. 

Whether I am related to them in any way... or not.

I have assertively corrected my brothers kids, my IL's kids, the ill behaved spawn of my friends, and my own SS/Son. And even the ill behaved spawn of strangers that pollute public places with their behavioral crap.

Though logically it does pass the smell test that it would be easier to ignore an ill behaved spawn if they were my BK.

Though that test will remain one that never is given.

Totally agree!! I think sometimes it can be a case by case basis. But this totally applies to SD13. She has zero asiprations to go to college. She doesn't clean up after herself and constantly asks for money. No way I would want to live with her after she turns 18. She can get a job, go to beauty school (or whatever), and get a roommate! I'm not going to house a lazy young adult with no plans to launch. 

I think it's totally different if a kid is getting a degree, helping around the house, paying "rent" etc. But this would not be the case for SD13.

DH and I talk about moving to the beach to be closer with family once SD turns 18. Currently, I don't think he's delusional enough to think I would buy a house with her still living with us. Also, I don't think she would want to. When she is at BMs she only texts DH to ask him to order her something off Amazon. Time will Tell I guess! 

I am chuckling at this majorly!

My BS17 will be going to college about 4 hrs from me but only 30 mins from his dad.They don't have freshman dorm requirements so his dad wants him to live with him and SM. Keep in mind that thanks to his dad's disablity with the military, BS will have 0 college costs and dorms will be covered. If he lives with his dad, there would be a monthly stippend instead, but regardless- no cost to live either in an apartment or dorms.

SM DOES NOT want BS17 to live with them. I don't blame her. She has 3 younger kids- middle school to toddler in her house. BS is not known for being clean, no matter how much I try to get him to have a routine, I am always on his butt. The ADD is strong with that one. I full believe that he needs to move out and have the college experience, roommates, other people that he has to deal with! He does not need to live at home or at his dads. 

But it is making me chuckle that exH is pushing for it to the point SM has called me to make sure I am pushing for dorms or apartments lol - seriously can't blame her at all!