Got conditional approval
Not sure what it means but at least it's not flat out rejection.
Unfortunately I had to enlist my wealthy narcissistic tendency family member to help. They payed a chunk of my credit card to boost my credit score and agreed to co-sign.
The downside is the WNF is traveling and can't turn their documents in and playing the blame game ("well if you would have turned your app in sooner I could have turned my docs in before traveling" "um look, I work two jobs and I turned my docs in as soon as they were requested")
Im seriously grey rock method ing for anyone displaying narcissistic behavior
Anyways I'm probably going to grab some wine and relax once this skid goes to his mothers house. Hope he goes back at a reasonable hour so I can unwind from the bs and prep for work tomorrow.
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Hoping for the best
Fingers crossed.
Conditionally accepted
Means you passed the prequal but they still need to do background, work history, etc check. Make sure you don't put down on your app that you are "going for a fresh start" or "separating." The hair on the back of the neck goes up for most landlords.
It sounds like OP is looking
It sounds like OP is looking to buy.. not rent.. so hopefully a landlord is not the issue right now.
But.. if I were OP ... with the amount of toxicity being in this relationship.. I wouldn't be trying to buy right now. i would rent.
For a variety of reasons
1. No need for narc relative to cosign a loan.
2. Ease and relative quickness to move.. an apartment is often quicker and easier to get into a vacancy.
3. Not a "permanent" choice. Right now OP is acting out of a place of stress and that is putting pressure. The likelihood that she will make a poor choice is high.. she will buy something that isn't suitable.. is too expensive for her to afford.. something she will regret.
4. A rental provides her a lot more flexibility. Maybe once the dust settles she decides she wants to relocate.. rental.. great.. just wait for that lease to expire... then move across the country! a house? you have to sell it and if you chose a less desirable place.. or timed it in a less beneficial market.. you could be upside down when you factor in the cost of reselling.
5. Home ownership is NOT for everyone.. it is NOT the only way that you can invest and build wealth. Her lifestyle and financial resources might make it not a great option.. does she want to spend hours mowing the grass and doing maintenance on a home each week? Does she have resources to fix major house systems like heat if they go out? Rentals are great in that all that risk is on the owner.. not the renter. And.. again... renting isn't "throwing away money".. you have to pay to live.. the tax breaks for home ownership are actually not always going to be huge (since our standard deductions are now so large.. many people don't need to itemize at all.. so even renters get a good healthy deduction). The benefits of not being out thousands to repair and the interest paid.. again.. home ownereship may not be the ultimate goal that some think it should be.. and even then... if you do believe it's worthwhile to reach that goal.. it still may not be right at certain times in your life.. this could be one of those times for OP.
These are rental apartments
These are rental apartments in a very nice area
I would have liked to do a house but for reasons 2-5 it's probably better for me to rent right now. I don't think I'm going to live in this city (way too much crime, high cost of living) and if I bought a house I'd have to either settle living in a city I have outgrown or figure out how to rent it out.
Unfortunately I would not be able to afford to move so quickly and to a much safer area without my narc tendency relative.
At least I'll be at the beck n Call of WNF (no seggs) vs cheap Disneyland dad being expected to be like a bang maid and free live in nanny.
This apartment is only for a year then I will be back to doing my own thing on my terms
I guess one frying pan is less hot than the other.
That's good news then.. it
That's good news then.. it sounds like a conditional approval means you will be approved pending final vetting of your credentials.
They may need to do a background check (for criminal activity for example).
They will also confirm the financials you and your cosigner are providing.
I'm glad you are looking at renting.. it will give you time to think about a full relocation.. maybe even somewhere more affordable.. or better fit for y our lifestyle!
Best not to rush into buying unless it's a last resort really.. good luck with the paperwork!
Great news.
Keep working the steps in your plan. Before long... you are on to your baggage free new life adventure.
Keep focusing on living well and exacting that as your revenge.
Take care of you.
It's really amazing that a
It's really amazing that a family member stepped in ready to help! Admirations, not many people would do it! Hopefully this will speed up the process and soon you'll be stephell free.
Have you found an actual home
Have you found an actual home to purchase? or is this just the prequal situation so you can start looking? A conditional approval ususally means that all the documentation has to be verified.. that underwriting needs to fully vet the purchase including ensuring that the value of the property is sufficient to back up the loan. There would be inspections.. probably requests for more info.. there will be an appraisal etc.. It also can set conditions under which they will CONSIDER loaning you money.. inculding possible downpayments.. total value they are willing to lend.. /monthly payment they will allow you to make... etc.. it's guard rails if you haven't found a home to not look outside your budget.. or to allow you to look higher than you thought you could afford.
but caveat.. no matter what they say they will approve you for.. don't buy into something you don't feel comfortable making that payment for decades.
Bigger thing is to
Keep "dude" away. He not going to let you go so easily, it's hard to find Awoman who will put up with his crap. You know long term "dude" may be great but his kids will always be there. 18 yo is going to mean nothing.. You have to find someone who you can enjoy life with. Romantic weekends, away, concerts, adventures.. Then if you warn to start a family, there will not be SK destroying everything. Fighting for attention from the baby. What is not a pretty sight
Good point Harry
Good point Harry
When we first got engaged and decided to move in together (before his ex wife decided to perform her remote destruction tactics using her spawns) .... we talked about having our own kid.
I know (that if he was fully healed from his divorce) that he could have been a good father if we ever progressed that far.
But those skids and that ex-wife most likely would sabbotage it. And I could sense I'd probably end up one of those married single mothers.
I can only hope I meet someone who has the same good qualities I saw in him (the companionship/cheezy couples stuff/family oriented/etc minus the nutjob ex wife and overly demanding extra clingy dependents) before he let his failed first family ruin what we could have had.
I've read stories on here how dudes could not move on from their 'failed first family' and sabotaged their new famiies (made their new wives miserable) by doing so.
Oh well.....it's over now.
Lilly... I have found during my life and relationships that
the next partner has all of the best qualities of the last one, few of their undesirable qualities, plus several great qualities of their own.
Live well, when you are not looking and least expect it... the right one will arrive.
Enjoy the adventure and take care of you!
Never settle, never give up, never give in. Commit to you.