RIP to my relationship

My family decided to offer to help me buy a house since I've been "power sulking" like a untrained step kid for several months about living with Disneyland dad and being very unsatisfied.

Of course the house will be in MY name only

Disneyland dad decided after we moved in together, agreed to rent for only a year...

that *I* would buy a house and put both of our names on it - um no!
that he wanted to rent longer than a year because he realized I wasn't going to coddle/enable/emasculate him and he would have to do the work to improve his financial standing
that he wanted custody of his kids (specifically his son) and quietly expected me to do the child rearing while he was at work.....didn't want to pay his ex child support and wasn't gonna pay me either so I said NO I don't want custody of your son unless you/your exwife is paying child support for him being here.

I am finally going to see some freedom soon. I never should have agreed to move in with him knowing I did not want a man with dependent kids and a man who was unable/unwilling to provide to my standards.

Plus I think im borderline asexual (or maybe im just not sexually attracted to him) and he's overly sexual and it's causing problems ontop of the ones we already have.

I just refuse to bust it open frequently and risk pregnancy for someone I don't believe has the resources to raise a kid they way I envision.

In addition I deeply believe I should marry someone who is more financially independent so that I no longer need my family to bail me out of problems like this one. Ugh!!!!

Anyways I'm glad it all be over soon and I can have my space my peace and my ph balance back to myself.

But I am sad. He's a decent dude .... for someone else. I should have just kept him as a friend only or a boy toy but he looked at me with these doe eyes and convinced me that he'd be the man I needed, failed to meet the standard, and the reality is we are just not compatible in important areas

RIP to my relationship It still hurts knowing that if he was just more cooperative, more ambitious, more empathetic that I wouldn't be here ranting and wanting to leave him

I feel like he's unhealed from the baggage with his exwife. Used to arguing with her and told himself he would never let a woman push him around and now I got the militant version of him.

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I plan for either at 2 br

I plan for either at 2 br condo or a 3 br house (room for me, my kid, and my home office/gym)....

there will not be room for him or his kids who constantly disrespected my more than reasonable rules.

Im glad I won't have to deal with the following anymore

hassling a grown man to take pride in his home (if you don't want/can't afford the maintenance you shouldn't get a house)
having my weekends ruined when his disruptive kids come over feeling entitled to disregard my household rules, talk loudly indoors, etc
being on edge every other month wondering if this dude is gonna say "I'm getting custody of my kids to hell with what you think"
having sex when I'm not in the mood
feeling like I'm the man in the relationship - dude expecting me to procure our next home, drive him around on dates because my car is better and he ran his Bitch Beck and Call service all week is out of gas and miles so now I have to drive, thinking that simply paying my share of the rent is the gold standard of providing for a woman, come up with solutions for his baby mama drama/struggles, paying more bills than I want because he still paying his exwifes car (that she never takes the kids around in)/paying her child support when he does more than 50% of the work; being a better protector than him; and more
having freedom to work from home without being hassled
being able to have privacy
Not having to consult with anyone
not being obligated to him, his son, his daughter, his ex wife, his family and no more guilt trips
Eventually going back to self employed (so I can have time freedom) without being obligated to him/his kids because now I'm free during weekdays and I'll be the evil step mother if I don't want to use my free time to be at his/his kids beck and call
being able to travel on weekends without being guilted about avoiding him/his kids
having weekends free to do wtf I want
sleeping alone without anyone farting in bed, answering calls from mini spouses at inappropriate times
and so much more

I hope he doesn't give you

I hope he doesn't give you the "doe eyes" but if he does, at least you have this point form list to look at to remind you why you're leaving. And my worst nightmare happened (and probably many stepparents' worst nightmare too) - my DH signed papers to get full custody of my autistic SS4 starting next year. I'm praying for a miracle that somehow we don't get full custody so I haven't posted on here about it. I've only been married over a year too. You are so lucky you're not married and tied down and can pack your things and go! I wish I was walking towards peace and freedom like you are. When SS is here, there's no peace in my home, my life, or my marriage. When he's gone to his mom's, life is bliss lol. Your posts are too funny :)

Smart move. Good luck with

Smart move. Good luck with your new exciting life.

And I commend you for being independent and not getting yourself into a position of dependence. Too many women are stuck in bad marriage and relationships because they are unable to survive on their own. It sends such a bad message to everyone that women cannot be on their own and need a man to manage their lives. They absolutely can live on their own or they need to change how they live their lives so they stop being dependent

By the way we own 3 bedroom condo/townhome. It's a size of a house but no need to worry about roof or pavement on driveway etc Best of two worlds

Sounds good!

I know you cant wait!

We all mourn the "what ifs" and regret our poor decisions. But you learned a lot about yourself during this journey. Your life is getting ready to take a good, new turn.

Stay safe during the breakup. Unpredictable things can happen as I found out to my surprise.

Safety is one of my main

Safety is one of my main concerns.

I wish I could have a mature discussion, be honest with him, we both decide to mutually end it, and move on....but I think he may guilt trip me or worse (that one thing that makes me so sad about it the anxiety and fear but I'm keeping my eyes on the prize - peace and freedom).....

so being discreet is the key here

Kudos to you for realizing

Kudos to you for realizing this relationship is not for you! I've always said partners should be sexually compatible. Even if you have low sex drive, having a partner with a high sex drive can be problematic.

Ani, you’ve written ~ Even if

Ani, you’ve written ~ Even if you have low sex drive, having a partner with a high sex drive can be problematic. ~ and you are oh, so right. My first husband, an oversexed psychopath and serial cheater, expected sex several times a day whereas I’m fine with a fraction of that number. As my hatred for the pig increased, my distaste for sex with him reached the point where his touch made me almost nauseous.

At the end of our relationship, I reacted to his conjugal demands with the suggestion that he visit his girlfriend, the town pump, rather than constantly pestering me. When I caught him enjoying vigorous sex with my best friend, in the driveway of our home at 3.00 A.M. (while I was babysitting her two daughters), I gave him the toss that I’d been forestalling for the majority of our miserable marriage. The loss of my best friend hurt me more than divorcing the pig!

Lillywy00, I’ve gotten a kick out of your posts and have admired both your sass and your independence. It’s a rare woman who is so self-aware and unwilling to tolerate the intolerable. My hat’s off to you, Hon, and I wish you all the best in your future, free life.

Please stick with us as your insights are solid and your humour is refreshing.

Girl, you are awesome.

Good for you! I can tell by

Good for you! I can tell by your posts that you're miserable. Maybe you will stay single or maybe you will meet a child-free man and start your own family. Trust me, being a mom is nothing like being a stepmom. Going forward, whether it's single and free, living the DINK life with another child-free man, or having your own family, YOU be the main character in YOUR life! Disneyland dad, your STBX, was not ready to be (to quote Rags) an equity life partner. There is nothing you can do when your partner is not capable of being a full partner. Let him move on and get things straight with his kids and ex. That's his journey. You are on yours, and it's not to be a supporting role in someone else's tragedy!

Thank you for sharing your inspiring journey.

I am happy for you that you have initiated ending being the sacrifice to him, his poor choices, and his baggage.

Please stay and help guide others in being confident and focusing on living their own best lives.

It is decidedly unsexy to be

It is decidedly unsexy to be a Disney dad. Hard to get hot for someone taking advantage of you. I am sure your libido will perk right back up when you drop this anchor!

Sorry for your relationship going down

Sounds like you are seeing life for what it is. How it's going to go down the road. If SO can't support financially your relationship, what are you going to do. Plaid for raising his kids, and not have a family of your own? Your going to have anger against SO for not having a family with you.
You are going to be eating dog food and his kiss will hate you in the end

Bravo!! It takes courage.

My XH2 and I bought a house together after a few months of dating (stupid!! I know). It took less than a year after we were married to see that he was using me financially and was abusive on many different levels.

I left our house for a hotel when he displayed behavior that was frightenting to my adult daughter (staying with us temporarily). He had problems with her (because she saw through his facade) presence in the house despite me having to live with his late teen/adult sons - his sons being FAR worse than my daughter.

A day after I walked out, I put a contract on a house. A month later, I settled on that house. I moved back in with my XH2 for 3 weeks until I could settle on my new house. I told him I was buying my own house, but he didn't believe me. I moved into the spare bedroom and there were all kinds of shenanigans for those 3 weeks. There were pity ploys, bursts of anger and love bombing. It wasn't until I took a day off work about a week or two before settlement to hire movers to put all of my stuff into storage PODS while he was at work, that he FINALLY realized I wasn't faking. I had really bought a house and was leaving him. He imploded and tore through the house piling up anything I had brought into the house. He was big mad. LOL

That was in April of 2018. He filed for divorce in August and we were divorced by November.

Moving out and into MY own house was deliciously liberating. I know the joy you'll feel when you're in your OWN home without your soon to be ex and his miscreant children. I'm so happy for you!!

Indeed, dulce,

Who could forget those awful triplet teens! I recall them having devoured the specialty meals that your daughter spent hours preparing; heaven forbid that they should ask before helping themselves. They were such unapologetic slobs that it's a wonder you lasted as long as you did. It gives me a lot of satisfaction, reading about your newfound peace and happiness.

Your SO looks like he needs a Mother

Not a wife. You are feeling guilty of leaving a man who is not capable of taking care of himself. And not capable of raising kids. It's not your responsibility or problem, He's kind of adult, He has to learn to live in this world

Good for you!

I'm sure it wasn't easy, but it definitely was the RIGHT thing to do for you. He wants someone to take care of him and his kid and that's not what a partner is.

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