Update to DH's pissy comment..and other things
So, DH definately knew I was pissed about this comment surrounding me being pissy because I was upset that my bench was about to be ruined by him and SD. I'm guessing my one word text responses clued him in.
As I explained when I got home..he took an event that was probably like 1 on the richter scale and made it a 10 with that comment. At no point was I yelling or did I even raise my voice. The fact that he was uncomfortable since he made a mistake with the bag...actually more than one...was not my problem and I had was justified in expressing my displeasure. I have once again reiterated that just because he says "sorry"....doesn't mean that I will get over it in the time frame HE sees as acceptable. I have told him this before and our marriage counselor has told him this as well.
I also point blank told him..look you say and do sh*t like that and it makes me not want to be around you. As in..not talk to you and most certainly not have private time. So..you need to decide on if you want to continue to try and make me the bad guy or do you want to have a relationship. I'm not opposed to walking away from this....and being on my own. I will, however, not put up with that type of behavior anymore.
Now the story on the bag...SD did ask DH to bring it in for her and put the wet clothes in the dryer since she was going to friends house right after work. DH did neither...he left the bag in the car and then didn't put it in the dryer when I handed it to him. So, basically he forgot to do anything with it...got embarassed that he forgot...and then thought he would just make it my issue so he didn't have to deal with the fact he forgot. Smh...that is some mighty eff'ed up stuff there.
What Dh wanted to talk to me about was some stuff that was happening at work. He was having a difficult morning at work and wanted my opinion. AKA he was having a bad day and I was on him for the wet bag nightmare and he decided to take it out on me. Oh..joy.
Update on my job...for the time being I'm staying put. Trying to figure out how to make the best of the situation since the IT employment landscape right now looks like the apocolypse. I have 3 years before I can retire...so I'm going to try and stick that out. Its a challenge though....gotta say.
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Ugh, your DH....
Ugh. Your DH sounds like my DH. Good job in standing up to him. I'm sure he will think twice about opening his dumb pie hole again and saying the wrong thing. LOL.
Lets hope he has learned
to not go below the belt anymore.
I have been trying to get
I have been trying to get time to follow up with you because my DH (ADD) does this too. He simply cannot remember or track details. However, he can learn. But learned laziness is ALSO a thing. He often blames me for getting mad over "small" things - but he doesn't understand that that "small" waterstain on the vintage coffee table will NEVER come out unless it's refinished. Or the spilled coffee/wine/tea on the bedroom carpet will never come out unless it's completely replaced. Break the handle of X thing and the entire thing has to be replaced, etc.
The SDs learned well, nothing was ever their fault. And they never had ramifications. I mean, YSD17 recently broke our toaster, didn't fess up, DH said nothing, just bouught a new toaster. FFS.
Basically I don't put up with it at all. Nope, I didn't cause you to make the choice to put the wet glass on the table instead of using a coaster that's Right There. I didn't make you lost the remote to the TV because you left it in your pants pocket and now I cannot watch the one show I have time to watch. Blah, Blah, Blah is what I think to myself.
I have offered to remain silent and never speak my opinion needs...he doesn't like that idea. HA! Then DH remember I'm human and have feelings and you are a grown adult. Basically if he goes on a rant and I just stare at him or just say, "Ok then." He knows he's on the wrong side of it.
This sounds just like DH and SD
they break everything. I call DH a bull in the china shop because of it. SD breaks and ruins things all the time. Everything is disposable. Side note..they are both ADD.
I've tried staying quiet but that doesn't work. Now I just tell them when I'm pissed. Right now the dog is sick because SD and DH were watching him yesterday and he ate a bunch of napkins. AKA SD was "watching" the dog and he ate the napkins because she was too interested in her phone.
DH didn't even try to manipulate that one...and these days when he does I tell "NO..you don't get to do that. You DO NOT get to make it like I'm needy, too pushy, too pissy or whatever."
Oh my gosh the tv remote. DH
Oh my gosh the tv remote. DH (also ADD) loses it EVERY DAY. Without leaving the room. Without leaving his damn chair. I have stopped helping him look for it.
And the piles of stuff around the house. Occasionally I suggest a dinner gathering at our house just to force him to clean it up. He's always "getting to it." Last time we had people over, I thoroughly decluttered the kitchen. Threw out some of his "precious" stuff, which he hasn't figured out yet. One was a broken mug from SGS. DH was going to get some glue and fix it. All the pieces weren't even there, so no he wasn't, but I wouldn't dare say anything. Enough time has passed now that if he asks about it (he won't--doesn't even remember the damn mug) that I can honestly say "I don't know wherre it is." Because I don't.
I am grateful that DH doesn't ever lash out at me. He goes silent now and then when he turns his frustrations inward, but I am never a target. I have been someone he tries to go around or lie to, but he's stopped that nonsense due to some solid boundaries that involved the possibility of him getting a new address.
Dh one time was ranting about not finding the remote
and was hell bent that the kids had lost it. The kicker....IT WAS IN HIS HAND AS HE WAS RANTING. He was literally holding the d@mn thing. That there is ADD at its finest.
DH learned very very quickly I do not tolerate clutter. It makes my anxiety go crazy...and if you don't put stuff away it will go missing. As in I will throw it out and not think twice. This was a non-negotiable boundry. DH had to relearn cleanliness when he divorced Beaver. Their house and her current house looks like an episode out of Hoarders. Halo doesn't live that way.....
Right there with you Merry.
Right there with you Merry. He will also lose the remote and hasn't moved for hours (he gets sucked into watching bicycle racing). I do NOT help him look.
The piles! Oh yes. Smaller and less of them when he's on his meds, but I know if he's forgotten to refill within 2-3 days of his not taking them. Stuff everywhere. When that happens I simply move all of it to his side of the couch or to his side of the bedroom. I re-arranged the bedroom a couple years ago so I didn't have to immediately see his side of the room when I walked in and now don't have to walk around his things. He actually tried blaming me for stepping on and breaking his reading glasses (that was the last straw for that room arrangement) in the dark, without my glasses on, in the middle of the night. OH no, don't you dare DH - they should have been on your nightstand, period!
I was reading a book on ADD
I was reading a book on ADD when I first learned about it and discovered that getting yelled at is a jolt of adrenaline for them and gives them a boost to focus. I then experimented with that and found some truth to it. So I think they are so engrained in their behaviors and count on getting yelled at to "self medicate" their focus issues and don't even know they are doing it. My ex in a nutshell.
You may be on to something there
although I am going to try something I read..when DH has hid head up his rear and not listening I'm going to ask him the following;
"Exactly how loud do I need to get before you start listening??"
Yes! DH: Why are you
Yes! DH: Why are you yelling? ME: Because it's how I'm getting you to actually listen to me!