the Ghost Money I Never Spent!

Well, I listened to advice and did my own thing over the holiday weekend.

Friday night live stream my local roots festival, because Im being frugal. Bought the Uke from Sd17 Powersulk, so she had some cash to play with. I dropped it at Toxic Trolls apartment.

SD17 Powersulk has her birthday today (Tuesday) and had been given all kinds of encouragement to come up with what she would like to do this past weekend. I got a text she wanted to "just go out to dinner " with me and her dad, at like 2 pm on Saturday. Ok, well sounds good, Im out and about doing my thing, call your Dad. Dad didnt want to spend the $200 plus dollars for a bday dinner out (in our area thats the baseline for 3 people out to dinner) so we ended up with an at home sushi dinner made from scratch w. fresh caught/locally sourced.

Dad gave her cash (because why go shopping and stress over getting the wrong thing, kids are happier with their own money..)

So you know where this is going right? HAHA. Yeah. Down the tubes.

Monday she spent some hours with friends. I did not do much of anything but sleep in and relax. Hiked. Had me time.

Later that evening, I volunteered (yes I know, such the wrong move) but I was wanting to look at camping stuff for next weekend, and also the plants section, so I volunteered to take SD17 Gamersulk to walmart for the zelda game she wanted to buy. I am super amazed to how freaking expensive these things are!!!! Holy Moly!!! There went 80 bucks.

Ok, so prior to walmart she needed to put money on her charge card. This could be done at 7-eleven. Apparently this is something I should NOT have offered to do, because it blew up. But not on me. Haha. I asked SD17 Powersulk why she had to go to 7-eleven to charge up this credit card when she already had her own bank account to make deposits to...?

Thats when power sulk went into full power sulk mode, almost in tears, she said she doesnt have her own bank account. I said "your father said he set one up when your lola passed because your family had contributed to a fund that was to pass to the grandchildren who had taken care of her at the end. You got that money and it was in a bank account."

oh boy the dams burst in the middle of walmart. She didnt all out cry full tears...but the quivering voice and THREAT of tears and all of it.

She told me "That is so bad that Dad had that money and didnt tell me, because I would remember buying things, I am very emotionally attached to things that I buy, I dont remember ever getting any money from Dad." And more too in that vein..."That sucks that Feral Forger got her money but I didnt get MY money!!!!"

This in addition to "I need money, so I need a job, but when I asked mom, she said no because she needs to qualify for the low-income thing, so my mom basically CHEATED me out of a job!!!!!! Im basically CHEATED from having a job". To that my only response was, "well its a sacrifice I guess, so you can live in a nice place near your friends and school and the town you like, maybe get another job for cash or sell something". And then eager eyes "oh do you have another friend who sells things at the farmers markets???" (I do but learned THAT lesson!)

Really. Im still kinda shocked. But also still kind of laughing too. Maybe the festival gave me a contact something, because Im so chill over all this. Piecing the puzzle together as I enjoy doing, apparently Husband was unable to create a child bank account for Powersulk, something about no ID and no social sec card. So Toxic Troll did it. Husband got a debt card in the mail, and gave it to Powersulk, then he deposited the checks he was given by the others who had obtained cash from the sale of my MIL's house. She went online with that card and packages were coming to our house on the daily. I remember wondering if husband had given her HID CC and he recalls I b!tched him out"...but that had been ALL her inheritance from gma money...

You can imagine how Monday night went. I heard Power Sulk actually CRIED, but didnt see because I had some errands to run (yawn). She didnt come out to have dinner with us and I didnt see her all the rest of the evening (because Zelda).

** Edited to add - what happened to the Ghost Child Account?

When Feral Forger did all her banking shenanigans (do we still use the word Kite for floating bad checks?) Toxic Troll closed all her accounts including PowerSulks child account.

Oh well. Happy 17! Only 12 more months to go!!!!!

CLove's blog
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So, do you think TT spent it?

I edited

Haha - nope!

PowerSulks spent it on all kinds of different things. And then with Feral Forger shenanigans, Toxic Troll had to close all the accounts, including the child account (forgot to put that part in there!!! Ill edit..)

Oh my!

Did I read correctly Toxic Troll kept powersulks money from her?

sorry - I edited

I added above what happened...she spent it all...and doesnt remember any of it.

Ahhh

Power Amnesia 17 a chronic illness when forgetting serves in your best interest.

You handled this well. Disengagement is your BFF.

Yawn

Yawn, yeah, that's what they call experience. Don't say another word about it to her, Clove, you'd only diminish the reality. Sometimes we have to figure out unpleasant things for ourselves, like "I wasted that money", or "My mom is hindering me".

Disengagement really HAS been my friend!

Husband made a big deal about her reaction, and all I could do was laugh it off, and just wonder at how someone cold totally forget obtaining their inheritance, while spending it all and then accuse their precious bio dad of witholding it. I think this is really indicitave of how manipulative Powersulk has become with her victimology. She literally created 2 enemies in less than an hour. My witholding father! My Cheating mother!

Incidentally, the main reason Husband was upset and hurt was he had made soup and because of kiddo crying, he was no longer hungry for it. And kiddo didnt want any...I happily slurped that soup down!

More teen drama

Yes, disengagement is truly your friend. A lot of this is teen drama, an immature person's response to reality. All you can do as a parent or step-parent is stand aside and watch (unless she's putting her life at risk which she isn't). It's hard to do but it's the best and fastest way for her to mature, ie, without your or anybody's "help", comments, etc.

Yes, still teen drama

And shes super immature (although not stunted so theres some hope!)

for her age.

No driving permit, and its been a year since she signed up and a whole year shes been on chapter 10 out of 11, but you know what - Its all on her now.

At 17 shes old enough to know better. Hopefully she will decide to do better than remain the perpetual vicitm.

I’m curious why your DH

I’m curious why your DH couldn’t open a bank account for his minor daughter?

Me too...

He was too down in the dumps to go online, and she was too caught up in Zelda-boohoo world to go online.

EVERYTHING is online now! I set up my new bank account online. They dont WANT anyone doing things in person anymore.

DH gets the financial dunce

DH gets the financial dunce cap. It's not rocket science to open an account. It's not rocket science to get the information you need. While he needed the SS number, I've never needed the actual card. And if he ever claimed his child for taxes, he had the number.

So he just gave the money to Toxic to do it. Good decision NOT. He gave it to someone who could not manage their own money. She let a young teen, with no financial knowledge, have unlimited access. No one explained anything to the child. Predictable result. Money is spent.

From what Im seeing

Its that really super common and popular bank in supermarkets...and they list student ID. She said she "didnt have one this year, that its through this other thing". So, go to office and get your id!!!

And yes, we have her social.

They all get dunce caps...Toxic Troll at least was able to get an account opened...

But the thing Im seeing is this particular bank wants an in-person appointment and he would have to take time off...

In person appointment needed

In person appointment needed is just another excuse to me. Just an excuse to turn the work over to someone else.

The way Im seeing it...

With all these excuses etc - lets be honest - shes got no job (mommy wont let me shes CHEATING me!) and no permit/license (just 1one chapter its so looooooong though) and daddy cakes doesnt want to take time off...(boooooo hoooooo)

Its the universe saying its not the right timing.

And I guess that's the only

And I guess that's the only bank in the State of California. SMH.

Good for you not getting too involved, CLove. 12 more months!

YES!!!!!

Its the only one...

But all kidding aside, we have 3 accounts at this bank, and the branches operate out of groceery stores in our area. So it is the best choice for now...

He's lazy.

Understatement

I think its both

I see him working and trying then getting demoralized by the lack of communication and consideration in favor of Toxic Troll. He basically waited all week before Friday night, Friday night, Saturday morning into saturday night, to be told "sunday". And then nothing. ANd then Sunday "ok well I know its late in the day, here is what I want to do..." so we made something happen and then waiting more while she decides to have lunch with Toxic Troll BM last minute. It was kind of a slap in the face (for him).

But I also think he should have been stronger and stood up and said "no this is what we are going to do" when it comes to the weeks away and visitation. How can he complain when he doesnt do the work?

So at 17 he's finally "trying

So at 17 he's finally "trying" and what.. he thinks she should just be oh thanks!!! Big smiles!!! she's 17 and they all are rude b*tches (haha) How many years of fishing trips took priority over her..? All this stuff builds for her.. that's why she is still stunted.. with clearly no end in sight it seems...

Right...

All that time he could have been building a solid foundation. He admitted to me he just doesnt connect with his female children, and the woman thing.

I cant do much buddy but Im not going to be the connector any longer, I fired myself from that job a while ago.

Today a facebook memory from 7 years ago popped up. The birthday trip to upik where we took her friend and picked strawberries, then I did chocolate melt pot and husband got the colored sprinkles and I got some cute goeey faced pics. Lots of birthday grins.

That was me...

"its a sacrifice I guess, so

"its a sacrifice I guess, so you can live in a nice place"

I strongly disagree with this statement. (sorry clove) I know you have your feelings about her now but her being upset because her POS mom says she can't work... and then you making an excuse (almost to justify the broken system we have in this country) basically isn't helping.

This girl is 17. TT isn't going back to court etc... when is your husband going to step up and be a father to her?? FFS.

EDIT: I have to add this... her and FF are just the next generation of system abusers because they are NOT taught any other way of life. I read above (after I commented) "she's 17 she should know better." Once again... BOTH her parents are failing her... so she does NOT know better.

ok...

Well, I have my feelings about her previous behavior towards me, but I still care about her well-being. I also kind of feel like "well thats what you wanted, we havent seen you for almost 3 months, and now you want to complain about things, well, I dont really know what to say, so Ill say whatever comes to mind..."

Wasnt really trying to help. Was kind of shocked that shes actually complaining about her "new life" in beach town. Meh. Doesnt apply to me anymore, not my job to find things to excuse her mother. At 18 that will all go away.

The broken guy I saw last night, after he had given her cash, made her favorite meals, basically waited around while she decided when and how she wanted to spend time with her Dad on her birthday week, that was a sad moment. Her entitlement and lack of appreciation. I have so gone out of my way by that time, to get all the fixings for home made sushi, and then given her cash...all because she couldnt remember getting an inheritance and spending it.

Shes 17. But time to face consequences to actions.

Clap, clap, clap, ...

In all of this saga/drama/dysfunction, YSD is the only victim/casualty of war. Not OSD, but maybe, and definitely not the adults in her life, especially you, however you take that role on so well. no insult intended, simply have no other words.

I'll leave it at that because you'll probably delete this but one last question: Are you in therapy yet? Your life will change for the better, why do you hesitate?

Actually shes not the victim

She FORGOT she got money and had her own bank account and proceeded to BLAME her father for WITHOLDING her money...that she had already SPENT.

I think that got lost in my details and other threads. She created a false narrative and made it her reality. So, nope not the victim.

Yes, therapy has been very helpful.

Oh, I wasnt specifically

Oh, I wasnt specifically referring to this minute scenario, I was referring specifically to the sum of what is her chaotic/dysfunctional/jerry Springer (RIP) life. Poor kid.
Edit: congrats on the therapy. What type?

If she wanted a job badly

If she wanted a job badly enough couldn't she claim that she lived with you and her dad? Is it her income that would be a problem for Mom, or is Mom unwilling to drive her to work?

I don't get these kids now who don't want their license. My daughter was a little late on getting her permit, almost two months, but got her license on her 16th birthday. It's been great not having to drive her here and there and everywhere. Not that she goes out constantly. She likes the independence that she has though.

A lot of kids expect everything handed to them. Some adults don't help either. My daughter took a career prep class in her freshman year. She came home telling me that her teacher said they all needed to have their own bank account and debit card. She also said that some of her friends had their own bank account. I said yes, and their parents have these fancy houses with money falling out of their butts, we don't. Get a job and I'll take you to open a bank account. No job, no bank account. No job, no car.

She got a job this past November, after marching season ended. We did agree to cover her gas during marching season last year. She's going on leave when marching season starts again and will go back when it ends We're allowing it as long as she has enough money saved to cover her gas and hanging out with friends. She spends some money here and there but has a good amount saved up.

I feel bad for PS in a way. Both of her parents are failing her. Neither is teaching her any sense of responsibility and it is hurting her. Then they'll probably wonder why she's not doing anything with her life when she's grown. It's not your fault and it's not your problem. You tried to help and you got burned. Lesson learned.

Its her mother

Her mother has all claiming rights, through court. Mother uses her to qualify for her low income housing and probably gets a lot of other bennies.

Plus we are going on 3 months of no visitation. So - whatever her mother tells her is going to be her truth

I did happily mention that she can get her license and not have a car.

My SKid did not get his license until he was 18. Neither did I.

We were both in boarding school for HS. So neither of us had a need for a license. Though I did already know how to drive and had my learners permit... for two years before I got my license.

Even after he graduated from HS he was not interested in his license and likely would have waited far longer to get it than he did. Mainly because we forced him to get it.

We bought him a brand new car as a combination HS Graduation, Christmas, USAF enlistement, last thing to do for him before he launched gift. We left him with my parents after Christmas and he stayed with them for a month until he finshed driving school and my dad put him through the driving bootcamp he put me through and my brother through and later my brother's 3 kids through. When SS passed his driving test, he drove the 5hrs home to spend his last 3mos before reporting for USAF BMT with his mom and I.

Some kids... never figure it out.

BIL2's DW just got her license in the past 3mos. She is 39yo. It took decades but finally the whole family refused to drive her anywhere. Poof... LICENSE!

Funny how that worked out.