After BM emailed DH the other night, giving us dates for the first two week block of summer visitation, she emails tonight to let us know that SS11 has a football camp at the end of June, which would be smackdab in the middle of DH's second two week block of visitation. She says "I hope you will take it into consideration." Like we have a f***ing choice because our CO gives BM full authority to dictate our summer visitation due to sports. Our CO grants DH two two week blocks (with BM getting two weeks in the middle), but those blocks can be broken up to accommodate sports. The issue is, we have to fit 4 weeks of visitation with a two week gap into a 7ish week period due to sports, so it doesn't allow a lot of wiggle room. 

DH decided to set the options for BM, because last time this happened and BM provided options first for us to pick from, it was a complete shit show. Last time, BM wanted DH to drive SS 16 hours roundtrip in one day to allow SS to attend the camp or for BM to pick up SS during the middle of our visitation and we would just lose the remaining time. NOPE. BM can never plan logically and it always ends up way too complicated with DH doing way more of the work or DH missing out.

So, DH offered BM three options:

Option #1: We keep SS11 for three weeks, BM gets him back for two weeks, then we get him for a final week.

Option #2: We get SS for two weeks, BM gets him back for three weeks, then we get him for two weeks. 

Option #3: We get SS for two weeks, then we and BM alternate every week for four weeks. So DH gets one two week block and two one week blocks. 

We knew beforehand what BM was likely to pick but it was better than letting BM set the plan. Well, BM emailed DH back and of course she picked option #3. She said she talked to SS11 and he isn't comfortable enough yet for option #1... This kid has been coming to us for two two week blocks every summer FOR 6 YEARS! WHAT THE HELL IS ANOTHER 7 DAYS AT 11 YEARS OLD?!? I swear this kid will be effing 18 before he is "comfortable" enough to be with us for more than 2 consecutive weeks. Oh and BM informed DH that her parents will be doing most of the pick ups so BM doesn't have to drive so much... I effing hate her. 

My parents suggested that we talk to SS to see if he truly wants that or if it is what BM wants. I told my parents, SS will do whatever BM wants, regardless of what he wants, because it's the enmeshment and PAS. SS11 can't think for himself. If we ask him, he will say he isn't comfortable, even if it's a lie, because it's what BM wants. I was half tempted to have DH tell BM that we want to eventually work toward increased visits, given that it's been 6 EFFING YEARS and this kid is almost a teenager! DH reminded me that BM will never go for it and we would likely just get some bullshit, abusive response that wouldn't change anything, but would give BM something to fight about. He's right... BM would respond about how DH deserves this since he is such a deadbeat Dad who was "absent" for the first two years; she would talk about how she and GF are SS' true family and the only people he is comfortable with, etc. And he's right, it wouldn't change a damn thing or give us more time. I hate that this woman has full control and we are just puppets with no say. I also hate that these types of decisions can't be a conversation where both BM and DH work together to reach a compromise, instead it is here are the options and BM has full veto and approval power, despite whatever we want. 

It's amazing that DH isn't capable of being a Dad to SS more than 14 consecutive days at a time, yet he is a great Dad to DD1 365 frickin days per year. Unbelievable.