In my previous posts I have talked about concerns I have about my SD12 and possible ADHD issues among other behavioral and possible physcologial / nuerological issues. 

 We have been trying for YEARS to get her evaluated, but we keep running into road blocks. The shcool has not sent in the vanderbelt questions. When they finally did, they paid no attention to the quesitons, and just picked random answers. (example: it was listed that writing is her strong suite, when it is actually what she struggles most with, and is weak in math, when math is her best subject. Also listed her as intenionally destroys others belongings. When I asked the teacher abou it, the response was " Oh, I dont know why I answered it that way?") The hospital keeps cancleing appoitments because they keep having doctors leave and have no one available to evaluate her. We get it rescheduled and it gets cancled again. Its been a nightmare.

One of the issues I was concrend about was her lack of accountability. I was hoping someone on here might have seen simialer behavior and can explain it to me, or perhabs have some expertise in the field and can give some advice on what we can do. 

My SD12 will NEVER apologize. When it is pointed out to her that she did sometihng that would warrent an apology, she wont say a word. She just sits there in silcence for a second, and then goes on talking about something else, like nothing had happened. OR she will be the victim.

Here is an example. She let ou this huge burb and burped into the glass her father was using, (not intentionally, just the force if it and it and she was walking by him when he was hold the glass when she burbed.) she started laughing hystrically. He told her it was not funny and it was gross and rude. she laughed harder. He said again, only much firmer that it was not funny. She gave him this look like "WTF is your propblem", rolled her eyes and just kept givng him this WTF look.

He told her " do not give me that look, and do not roll your eyes at me." she then started really rolling her eyes in an extremly exchagerated manner. He told her again to stop. He told her he knew she was playing games, it was not acceptable and needed to stop. She stopped for about 5 seconds and then started again. He warned her agian, and she ignored him and kept doing it. 

Finally he blew up, and  stood up and yelled at her. She got up, and ran into her room crying. I went in to talk to her, and she said to me. " I dont even know what I did!" I explained all the events and she just looked at me like " help me , im the victim". Its was like she had ereased everything she had done.. the laughing in his face, the dirty looks, the eyerolling, the not stopping when she was told to...from her mind, and had re written history. In her mind she had just been sitting there not doing anything, and he yelled at her for no reason.

I am worried about this kind of behavior. Its like she cannot under any circumstance accept or admit that she did somethng wrong. It does not matter how big or small. She can accidently bump into someone and she wont say sorry. She sees at as she didnt do anything wrong, the other person should not have been standing there. It was their fault she bumped into them. Then the whole thing where behavior is blantant and intentionally unaccpatble...The other person should not have yelled at her. She is the true victim and she cant see how her actions contributed to the problem. 

I dont want to think that she genuinly doesnt understand how her actions are wrong, I am hoping it is there, but she has a hard time showing it. But I dont understnad how at 12 years old she has struggles so much with accepting accountability as much as she does. She understands when someone else does something wrong, but doest see it if she does the same thing. 

Any help would be appreciated.