It's been awhile since I last posted.  It has been fairly quiet on the home front where my youngest step daughter (16 years old) is concerned - somewhat.  She hasn't been to visit our home in over two months.  My husband and I have gone to visit her at her job to say hi (she works in a food truck).  She seems happy to see us.  We know she has issues with her mother (always will I predict since mom is a classic narcissist).  We still let her know she is always welcome to come to our place for a break, for some peace and quiet.  We know that she isn't attending school - she tries to tell us it was because she was switching schools so had a break (switching because she can't seem to get along with others I'm learning) and then says she only has one class.  My husband regularly attempts to reinforce the importance of education.  But when it doesn't seem to be a priority at mom's place but working full time is ok - well, that makes dad the bad guy for even brining it up.

My husband and I recently went on vacation.  We had literally arrived at our destination (overnight to board a cruise the next day), when my husband received a text from her saying her mom had kicked her out and that she needed a place to stay.  Being that we weren't even close to home, we scrambled to find somewhere for her to stay.  Thankfully my oldest step daughter (32 yrs old) and her boyfriend were willing to take her in until we got home.  The only text my husband received from mom was: It's time for her to live with you.  PTSD kicked in for me - as this is exactly what she did with my step son when he was 15 when he became too unruly.  Threw her hands up and bid him farewell.  Didnt' even speak to him for a year.  Mind you, that circumstance was pretty extreme.  My step son was (and still is) a full on drug addict and that came with a whole wack of issues.  I predicted that she would be back to her mom's before we got home.  Her mother will realize that if she comes to stay with us, the child support payments will stop.  And low and behold she began love bombing her.  

My oldest step daughter kept us informed by sending us status messages each day and some of the informations was disturbing and off putting.  Let me prefrence this by stating that my husband had left his phone off and put it away - during the cruise due to the amount of emails and texts that he receives on a daily basis (there are no boundaries on his side of the family).  He had asked his oldest to message me with any updates or issues regarding his daughter:

Halfway through the trip, she ended up going back to mom's - as predicted.  Hate to say it, but I breathed a sigh of relief when I read that.

When we got home I took my oldest step daughter and her boyfriend out to lunch as a thank you for stepping up while we were gone.  My husband couldn't get time of work but said to go ahead and to find out more information on what had gone on.  The intel (for lack of a better term), was almost shocking: 

- she has been seeing a 19 year old boy for almost a year - apparently mom approves (of course she does- gah).  Her mother gave her a taser that she purchased off the black market - oldest step daughter and boyfriend said she could not have it in the house as it was too dangerous. 

- She now smokes not only a vape but is now smoking weed.  And apparently mom was ok with this until she caught her smoking in her room (mom let's her room mate smoke weed and drink in/around the home, and also her son the addict - for some context). 

- She says she only smokes weed because her back hurts her - aaaahhhh nice try.  She gets that from her brother who says the reason he does so many druges is because of his back as a means to attempt to justify his addiction. 

- She was supposed to go school each day but only went one day and that day for some reason she and the principle as well as guidance counsellor got in an argument and she was told if she didn't smarten up that she would be expelled (apparently she wouldn't say what exaserbated the situation - of course)

- She walked around the house in barely there short shorts - and left the bedroom door open when she changed and slept in her little there sleeping attire.  This made not only the oldest step daughter uncomfortable but her boyfriend as well.  Whenever she had stayed out our place, her bedroom door was always closed and she never wore anything like that (other than damn crop tops).  

-She accused me of being a rule nazi - that I had too many rules in our home:  uuuummmm...does cleaning up after yourself and making your bed before you leave constitute as too many rules??? Oldest step daughter's boyfriend asked if my so called rules were more stringent than her mom's  who had texted a list of rules she'd have to abide by to go back home.  I saw the list - it was pretty extensive - yet some of them were totally reasonable.  However, we are talking about a 16 year old here

-She accused me of controlling her dad.  That I never let them have time together or to speak one on one together - like huh??? That threw me for a loop.  Her dad talks to her every day - he reaches out to her by phone or by text.  That explains the strange message I received from the oldest while on the ship.  It stated:  "She would like to know if it's ok to talk to dad one on one when he gets back".  I had responded that of course she could, why would she even have to ask that?  No response.

-She said she didn't like her room at our place because it was too old fashioned:  we have always told her she could decorate it as she likes - except no black walls.  She complained once that the bed was positioned in a way that made the room too small, so we moved her furniture around to make the room bigger.  

-She accused her dad of not providing enough child support for her mom.  She brought this up to us at the dinner table a few months ago and her father explained that he is indeed paying exactly what they agreed to in their separation agreement that was endorsed by the court.  He did not tell her that her mother's lawyer had event told her mom to take the deal since my husband walked away with absolutely nothing - he gave the house to mom, the car, the furniture, he took on all the family debt and he covers all medical/dental benefits.  He just wanted out.

To hear that she was saying all of the above about my husband and myself totally unprovoked, was extremely hurtful and disheartning. My husband is angry. He reached out to her as soon as we got home and she was all chipper like nothing happened.  We also know alot of this her being brain washed by her mom. Alot of what she was saying was pretty much word for word what her attempted to accuse me of a few months ago.  I blocked her.

This seems to be typical case of no matter what you do for this kid - I've always gone out of my way to to help her, be there for her when she needed someone to lean on, to support her.  Because of her home situation with her mom.  My husband has always made sure that she knows how much he loves her and that he is there for her and to come to our place for respite.  

After hearing all of this, I've come to conclusion that it's time to just disengage from her.  As sad as that is. Her toxic relationship with her mother, has her making accusations and attempts at making her father and I look like bad guys.  It's sad.  So sad.