The phone call
Surprise, surprise, Spawn found DH’s new cell phone number and got in contact with him. Of course it’s because she needs him to do something with an issue she is having with her medical. DH said he wasn’t sure there was much he could do but he would try. She then told him about her impending motherhood and how she’s already a SM. DH told her congratulations but usually you had to be married to be a SM (wink). He said she then tried to throw at him that he cut her off, he wanted nothing to do with her, and pretty much everything is his fault. DH told her relationships are a two way street and he was the one always trying when they reconciled a few years ago and that she never wanted anything to do with him unless it was done exactly her way. She then tried to throw out the whole “Well you hate my mom.” He told her honestly he doesn’t give a sh@t about Meth Mouth and she has nothing to do with their lack of relationship. She tried to blame us for being horrible parents and cutting her off as a kid. DH told her that she was 18 (graduated from high school) when he had finally had enough of her sh@t and that’s why he stopped talking to her, he again reiterated that it was because everything had to be her way and it was never good enough. DH told her it was obvious they had things they needed to talk about, and that he would be willing to meet with her if she wanted to set that up. He said he ended it by telling her he does love her and he cares about her but he won’t be her whipping boy anymore and allow her to walk all over him and blame him for everything. I highly doubt she will contact him again given he was able to deal with the issue and is having a letter sent to the medical as she requested.
The funny thing about this is when he told me I really had no feelings. In the past my heart would race, I would get upset and start shaking and question him over every little thing. When he called and told me I was calm and just listened to what he had to say. The only thing I told him was that I wouldn’t be doing anything about the medical issue (since it was my policy that has been closed for years), and that if he can help her and wants to that’s fine. It was nice to not really care about her one way or the other. It will be interesting to see if she does reach out to him if they can try to make a relationship work. I mean he is going to be a grandfather after all and I’m sure he would like some part in that. It’s really up to them and I’m glad I don’t have any part in it.
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Comments
You will hear from her again
When the baby comes, if not before, SD will be angling for gifts. Take it from me, this is just the beginning. You've got the child's bdays, Christmases, recitals, etc. Depending on how SD handles things, this can all be okay. Or not.
I have 6 step gkids. It can work, just depends on the child's mom and dad.
Possibly, and that will be up
Possibly, and that will be up to DH to deal with, I won't be a pawn to her so she can use her kid to control and manipulate me.
Good no emotion
Taking the emotion out of it always always helps.
Horrible that she is trying to guilt your DH. Good that hes wise to it and wont entertain it
Right interesting she tried
Right interesting she tried her old tactics and he actually stood up and pushed back.
Husband too.
When Feral Forger Sd23 cried to him in hopes of moving back in.
Im so happy he stood up to her and was very firm. Thats all we can ask for really.
Exactly and don't let them
Exactly and don't let them move back in.
Great on The Disconnection
To not be emotionally involved is bliss. I finally made it to that place. Shame on your SD for the projecting of guilt but it's a typical move from the StepHell playbook. But Kudos to your DH for standing up against her BS. I'm with JRI....I'm sure your DH will be hearing more from her considering she has a child coming. SMH
I truly never thought I would
I truly never thought I would get there it's crazy to know I'm finally over it.
ChumpLady refers to this
ChumpLady refers to this state as reaching meh. I think it's a great way to describe the other side - that place where we neither know nor care anymore, aka total indifference.
My 6 step gkids
I have 9 gkids, 6 of who are steps. Its hard to describe our relationship. Its not exactly like a gparent. Its ok, just not as close as my gkids. I remember all occasions on behalf of both of us but often opt out of events, like gkid's college graduation ceremony. Its okay.
I think if Spawm allowed it
I think if Spawm allowed it my DH would be happy to play grandpa, but I think it would be a very toxic relationship they would leave him hurt.
It may be a scale thing.
My kid (Former SS-30 who asked me to adopt him when he was 22) is my parents eldest GK. They never treated him as a GSKid. He was just their GK. They have 4 GKs. My son (30) my niece (28), nephew (25)m, nephew (21). The kids are all extremely close and extremely close to my parents. It would have not gone well for anyone who told my mom and dad that SS was not their REAL GK. But, our blended family adventure is the Unicorn of StepParent and SGP experiences. SS-30 was 15mos old when his mom and I met and started dating. We married a week before he turned 2yo. I am the only full time dad he has ever known. My parents are the closest and most engaged GPs he has ever know.
You have 6 GSKids. That is a bunch. If there was drama with their parents, it is not surprising that there are some issues with closeness with the GSKids.
I am sure if my SS had been particularly difficult and toxic, my parents would not be nearly as close with him as they are.
Take care of you.
Yes!!!
I'm glad you've reached the point of apathy girl, you've so earned it after all the years of poo from Meth Mouth and Spawn.
And I'm loving how your DH handled Spawn, too. It seems he's got clarity and isn't ruled by guilt. What a great early Christmas present for you!
Thank you it was so weird to
Thank you it was so weird to just be like meh. Lol DH and I talked about it after work and he said he was worried to tell me because I get so spun up and he was surprised at how blasé I was.
Wow his response was amazing!
Wow his response was amazing! If only she realized that if she picked up the phone or showed the littlest bit of kindness and interest in your DH he would probably give her whatever she wanted, but she's too entitled to do that. You guys don't owe her anything more than the insurance letter, and if she's about to have a baby she shouldn't be on daddy's insurance anymore, how crazy is that??
She's not she's on state aide
She's not she's on state aide, but because she was previously on our policy the hospital keeps running that old policy. She claims the hospital needs a letter from our insurance to remove it. Which is weird because we have had no issues with our own stuff on a new policy.
Even better, ties are
Even better, ties are completely cut.
Not your problem.
And ... it is not unusual for hospitals to try to pawn their administrative responsibilities off onto others. Even people who have no relationship with the hospital and who have never engaged the hospital for services.
We had to fight with a SpermLand hospital when the SpermClan took SS to the ER when he was on SpermLand visitation. SpermGrandHag listed me as the responsible party since the insurance was in my name provided by my employer. I had the regular 'F-off' conversation with the hospital billing department' for several years over that crap. I kept telling them to contact the person who engaged their services. 'But you are the insured.' 'WHAT PART OF, I DID NOT ENGAGE YOUR SERVICES DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND! YOU ARE HARRASSING ME! STOP OR I WILL FILE HARRASSMENT CHARGES AGAINST YOU PERSONALLY AND AGAINST THE PRESIDENT OF THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!' Then I would give the billing department the SpermGrandHags contact informaton, address, etc.... She would get all spun up when the hospital would call her and point out that she had signed as the guardian on the registration forms when she took SS to the ER.
Tell the SKid and the hospital to F-off.
smh
Kudos to your DH
For standing up to the skid BS!
Right I was pretty shocked
Right I was pretty shocked when he told me what all he said to her, he didn't allow her to manipulate him and aplogize like he has done in the past. It was refreshing to know he's done some healing and growing of his own in this time.
Your DH did great!
Your DH did great!
I hope that she doesn't use her child as a weapon to get things out of your DH but be prepared for it.
While things physically affect me less and less, I am looking forward to the days when talking about SS will be like talking about an old distant relative that you really have no feelings or attachments about.
I have that fear too, but now
I have that fear too, but now that he solved her issue she might never contact him again, he did leave that up to her.
It’s takes a lot of time and distance that’s for sure to reach that point of nonchalance. Now ask me about Meth Mouth? Nope I would still run her down if I could lol. I’m sure you feel the same way about your BM’s.
Oh yeah. I am really glad
Oh yeah. I am really glad that we are 1300 miles away. DH and I both are. Seeing her in a parking lot somewhere would probably land one of us in jail! LOL