Acknowledging it
Forums:
Husband and I started making plans for Christmas. He volunteered that instead of not discussing with his daughter who lives a few hours away and has never ever spent Christmas or Thanksgiving with us, he would invite her now.
What's the definition of crazy? Thinking you will get a different response. Her answer -- no. She might grace us with her presence later in the week. But doesn't want to be with her Dad for Christmas.
Totally predictable.
me? I am thrilled for me not so much for him. The ground is shifting a bit I think for him.
And
I am not going to be cooking baking or anything. DH understands. Says he understands my feelings but doesn't understand his daughter.
Oops.
I meant for if she visits. I always cook. And. Bake. For the holidays. Very important for me. I think she will sense a huge shift if she does visit. Any guest knows I roll out the red carpet for you. No more for his daughter. She will know. But she won't care. I told DH no amount of time money or giving will bring her wall down to me. I am finished trying. He gets it.
It's Amazing
how those rose colored glasses are so hard to come off of people in regards to their kids' behaviors.
We had a similar conversation this past week (in regard to kid visits). I was blunt. Just told DH, you were always second to the BM and her family. Now that some of your kids are married, you've been moved to 3rd place. BM's family (BM died a few years ago but her fam is still #1), spouse's family and then you. He just nodded his head. He finally gets it. And he's making his own changes this year with Christmas with zero input from me. Crap behavior should have consequences. I know I've dealt some to my own kids when they behaved improperly. Did that when they were young so we have good adults today. SMH
I support your decision not to cook for the Princess when she shows up. Its a visit...not brunch, SD. "May I offer you a cup of coffee or glass of water?"
I feel relief almost
That finally DH is acknowledging it. Since the very first year that I met him this has happened. I remember that daughters refused to respond to my invite to our wedding. And oldest daughter at the time was an adult 22 yrs old! But DH never addressed it then.
It is sad for our husbands. These are their kids. Grandchildren. DH is wonderful with my kids. But again this ain't my rodeo.
Congratulations but I am
Congratulations but I am sooooo jealous of all you guys who won't have to see your stepkids this Christmas. I will have mine living here for a whole week and a half (sob). Anyone want to borrow mine?
You can have mine too! They
You can have mine too! They will be here for a week (but not the day of) Of course ....
I expect to be making the
I expect to be making the same exact post in about 10 years.
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior! I wonder if Hope does eventually run out. My husband hopes that wants SD is an adult things will change but why would they?
Nope. She declined the invition. Her stipulating a visit later
in the week.....
'We have plans and won't be available. Maybe next year. Buh-bye.'
Traveller's to see THEM for Christmas
We actually have to road trip out of state to see the Skids and SGK. They both live with BM at 21 and 26 years old, including the married 21 yo SD with a 2 year old and another due in a few months. I hate going to BMs house, but I've skipped out on many visits just because I deplore being in her presence while she skips down memory lane with DH, talking about people, places and things I have no clue about. The Skids tolerate me and pretend to like me, but I get the mile away hugs where its a light pat on the back, despite everything I've done for them. Eventually I'll probably stop going for holidays, too. Maybe SD21 will learn to drive and get her shit together enough to come see us.
That sucks!
But at least they pretend.
There is not a snowball's chance in hell that I would enter
the home of the Spermidiot or anyone in the SpermClan's home. If any of them ever set foot on my property, well, Texas has no problem with people disposing of trespassers.
My bride would never ask me to, nor would she attend.
Not that anything like this would ever happen. In the 16yrs we lived under the CO no one in the SpermClan every made any effort at all to visit with SS. Though they had a COd 10day visitation every fall in our area on the condition that SS could not miss school.
He did go to SpermLand for visitsation on and off, per the CO, when the SpermClan made an effort for SS to visit. Other than one of the SpermGreatGrandFathers who came to pick SS up for visitation for a few years when SS was a todler. He was a nice man. The rest of them, are collectively one big genetic manure pile.
This fake that the failed family never failed crap is just idiocy.
Why would anyone participate in that crap or stay married to any idiot that was so deluded that they would participate themselves?
Meh
The X is an X for a reason. Kids can have two quality families and thrive. Trying to maintain a facade of delusion in front of a failed family is not healthy for anyone. Particularly the kids.
IMHO.
No, No, No, NO! There is no
No, No, No, NO! There is no way in HELL I would ever go to BM's house. Not for any reason, but especially not on a special day like Christmas! That is a whole new level of bat shit crazy! I can't believe that you've actually been doing that. I am so sorry to hear that he has subjected you to that crap, Notthedoormat. OMG. PLEASE, take hold of this situation and tell your DH, "NO, never again!" ....and list the reasons why. Although, the reasons should be obvious to him. They are to all of us!!!! Is he really that daft?
That’s too much.
To ask of you! You spend every Christmas at ex's house with their adult kids? What do you do for thanksgiving.
I get along ok with my ex as does my DH and we used to go out to dinner at a restaurant to celebrate a few of the kids birthdays. But not at our homes. Non territorial place instead.
Christmas is different. It is YOUR holiday too I assume. If you feel comfortable doing this then fine. For me I would have to be staying at a five star resort on the beach at Malibu for me to EVER EVER lay eyes on DH's ex!! Lol.
I would do what Rags posted.
I would do what Rags posted. When SD wants to come after Christmas, I would tell her you all have already made plans. I think SD is so rude, deciding when she'll grace you all with her presence. OMG. I'd put a stop to that crap. And if you all do allow her to show up, I wouldn't cook anything as she missed the holiday dinner. It's a "visit," so as another poster wrote, "would you like some coffee or water?" My parents would never have allowed the 4 of us kids/our spouses to decide how the holidays would go. My mom gave the same spiel every year: "We are having Christmas dinner on this day and time, if you can make it, great. If not, no hard feelings." And there was no way in hell my mom would cook 2 separate meals. And none of us would have expected her to do so.
Skids are so entitled, no matter their ages.