SD visits and bored
My SD 14, comes over every other weekend and my husband works fri-Monday 4pm-2am, so he sleeps until about 10. SD is with me 4pm until bed, and then in the morning until he gets up.
my issue is she is always bored. I don't have any teens, me and husband have a 5 yr old and 1yr old. She will sit and watch baby shows or color with the 5 year old or sit on the couch bored. She looks very unhappy when here or at the very best she looks bored. She doesn't really complain but I can tell she doesn't want to be here. I give her ideas, she can watch shows she likes in her room, play the Nintendo, go outside and shoot the basketball, ride her bike. So my question is (1) is it normal for a 14 year old to sit all day and watch baby shows or play with the 5 year old? She complains to her dad sometimes that she gets dragged around by the 5 year old but she always seems willing to even when I tell her the other ideas for things for her to do. (2) is it rude to suggest her mom pick her up at 4 and husband can get her the next day when he gets up in the morning? I work full time and am in night school so weekends are spent cleaning and studying I can't go take her to do fun things most weekends, I barely manage time to give my own kids 1:1 attention.
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Dad needs to
Relinquish his time with her instead of dumping parenting duties onto OP. Either that or he dramatically changed his working hours. SM should not be doing the parental heavy lifting during biodad's visitation time.
Is she otherwise well behaved
Is she otherwise well behaved? Is she spoiled or entitled? If not, then you can do three things: make suggestions, ignore (I was like that at that age too), or give her things to do like rake the leaves, wipe down the counters, make a grocery list for the next weekend she's there, etc.
I used to tell my SDs that it's not a problem being bored, it's complaining about it. If you are bored I'll give you something to do! Magically they stopped complaining every time.
If there's other behavior issues then that will require a complex discussion with your DH about responsibility/authority and his time with her.
Yes she is well behaved, I
Yes she is well behaved, I just feel like she doesn't want to be here and it's on me to try to entertain her when I'm already stretched thin. She makes comments about how her mom takes her to the beach or to get nails done, etc, and I have explained my school and work schedule and why weekends are spent cleaning. I could try to do something maybe once a month but then I run into what do I do that all 3 kids can do that will be fun for all. I think having her spend that time with her mom while dad is at work makes the most sense, if she wanted to be here I would let her she isn't really extra work it's more that I feel her unhappiness and boredom.
and god I don't ever ask her to help anymore after she cries to dad saying she is a slave her (when I have asked it was vacuuming, helping pick up toys).
I know you feel like it's up
I know you feel like it's up to you to entertain her but it's not.
At 14 years old, she should be able to entertain herself or stay at her mother's until your husband is up and about. After all, she is there to be with HIM.
Maybe offer to let her have a
Maybe offer to let her have a friend sleep over that night? That way she has someone hang out with. Then after that, suggest she spend the night there sometimes too. Give you a break all together from her when your DH isn't there.
Meh. Having a SM '"host" a
Meh. Having a SM '"host" a sleepover is not a road I would want to go down.
If she tells you she's bored,
If she tells you she's bored, hand her a bottle of window cleaner and a pile of cloths.
You are spending way too much time worrying about this kid so drop it. You aren't her parent and she isn't your responsibility. If she complains, direct her to her father.
Being bored won't kill her.
Heh heh
That would be considered child abuse by today's standards. As a child myself I knew enough never to say I was bored because I would be handed a boatload of chores more than I already had.
what I am seeing here is that
what I am seeing here is that your DH can be with her from 10 am to 4 pm.. so it's 4pm to bedtime a couple nights every other week?
Ideally, he would be able to arrange his schedule so that he could be off at least one of those weekends.. or one night each weekend she is there.
I think the suggestions you give her are perfectly fine.. and she probably does prefer to be in her HOME.. which is mom's.. but the point is for her to see her dad... and while he isn't there all the time.. I don't think changing visitation really has to happen.. though it would be nice if he could adjust his work better to suit her visits.
The most logical answer is
The most logical answer is that she spend the time that your DH isn't there with BM. There is nothing wrong with suggesting this- you are essentially a babysitter at this point, and I'm not sure why that needs to fall to you when she could be with her BM, especially with your busy schedule.
To answer your question about what's normal for that age- yep, this is what they do. SD13 is in her room 99% of the time on her phone or reading (which DH and I had to force her to do, but now she loves), but when she isn't doing that she absolutely looks bored or is asking DH to play games with her. That's it. That's ALL she does. I'm a bit surprised your SD isn't spending more time in her room instead of with the 5yr old, but maybe it's a good thing because it seems that only drama happens when she gets alone on her phone with friends.
Same as above. SD12 is glued
Same as above. SD12 is glued to her phone. Unless she is in the kitchen eating, she is always in her room. SD definitely doesn't hang out with DS2 in our living room. I'm grateful for that at least! I just don't want the negativity rubbing off... I'm sure you feel the same way about your 5 y/o. They are definitely old enough to pick up on how SD is speaking to you.
If she's bored, I would give suggestions on things she can do in HER room. Fold clothes, read a book, watch TV, organize makeup, do her own nails. Hopefully she will catch the hint.