I go through the same thing with my SO/Fiance constantly.  I have made it a point when I came in to their lives to make sure to tell him, in front of his kids - once I saw how ungrateful they are - to thank him for how hard he works for us to have the things we have - he, in turn (with no prompting from me) has started to say the same things to me in front of his kids.  BM is VERY ungrateful to my SO and constantly degrades him to their kids, so they have been raised to manipulate him and not be grateful for the things they have/get from him.  I have noticed a change in him letting them be "snotty" to us both by SHOWING them what it is to be grateful for the things we have or are given!!  I tried the "positive" route, and it has certainly settled things at my house a little.

Absolutely do not tell her how much you spend on Christmas! She is not an adult, not one of the CONTRIBUTING adults, it's none of her snotty business.

FOR SURE let your husband handle her gifts, unless of course he will over spend....that is a possibility.

What an ungrateful brat. 

I think you should let your DH handle SD's gifts, with the caveat that he spend no more than an agreed amount.  He also should teach his daughter manners - it is rude not to express gratitude for a gift, whether you like it or not. 

Establish your Christmas budget for everyone.  I'm assuming you have joint finances.  Discuss with your husband what to buy her and everyone.  Get those things and wrap them.  He's aware of her gratitude issues and it's his place to correct them.  Done.

At fourteen, SD's parents should have already instilled manners as well as the concepts of gratitude and reciprocity in her. Not only is she plenty old enough to be saying Thank You, she's also old enough to start giving small gifts herself. Unfortunately it's often this type of parenting that goes by the wayside when parents split up.

I think you need to let go of trying to please your SD, and focus your efforts on developing your bios to their fullest potential. SD's parents have decided how they want to raise her, so let them. Not your circus, not your maladjusted and ill-mannered monkey.

Had same issue here with OSD. She did all that and the last year I helped with gifts,when she was 12, she was counting and tallying the gifts. Absolute greed. After that I told DH I would do stockings only and one nice thing and one practical thing. That solved my personal issue.

BTW both SDs didn't like the idea of an Xmas list. Who the hell knows why.

Now we have the opposite problem with YSD16. She refuses to say a word about what she wants for either Xmas or her birthday. This has gone on for about three years now. Things she receives go unused or unworn, stuck in her closet or in drawers. Even DH is pretty much done this year. Last Xmas I donated to a charity in her name and gave her the certificate. That and a new pair of pajamas. That's it. And it was ok. 

Never ever discuss this with her directly. This is up to her parents to address. You can alter your actions accordingly, that's it. If someone is troublesome to give gifts to, naturally you stop giving them or doing so much. Make the financial burden your husband's. He needs to see the issue. You should have a talk with him about why and how you are scaling back (my DH took this surprisingly well).

 do I bring this up to SD to see how we can make Christmas better?

Nope, don't give her that power. She gets plenty spent on her, she's just acting like a spoiled brat. Your husband should teach her better manners.

I think she is old enough to talk budgets at this point. Maybe even invite her to shop for the little ones. That way she sees that the younger kids toys are under $25 for each gift (throwing out a number) so they get a few more.

I was the much older sister growing up from my mom's first marriage. I will say that as I got older my parents did a good job of keeping the # of presents similar. Sure, the younger kids got more but it wasn't a crazy amount. I would get my couple of bigger gifts and then a bunch of little ones. Sometimes I would have a box within a box within a box, all of find a bottle of nail polish. So silly things like that, but I was still in the opening rotation and not just out after the first or 2nd round (we go around in a circle taking turns opening gifts). 

Asking for things out of your budget... well.. if you didn't give her any guidance on the amount you could spend.. then she put things honestly there that she wanted...i guess.  BUT.. maybe it could start a discussion on well.. we have 500 to put towards something.. does she have savings or would his parents (her grands).. want to help make it happen?

Alternatively.. at 14.. she knows the deal.. there is no santa.. lol.  So.. perhaps he could take her shopping with a 500 dollar limit?  (as long as he will stick with it).. or you could take her if you are comfortable enough.. let her pick out 500 dollars of gifts.. wrap them and she gets them christmas day.. (you could still do a surprise stocking stuffer stocking.. or some other small stuff wrapped if you want a surprise).. but she knows you are buying it... might as well let her make her own choices.

even sitting down with amazon to order what she wants within budget.

Your bratty SD gets two xmases whereas your bios only get one.  Maybe let bios open gifts when Bratleigh as at BMs.

Same issue with SD12 over here! DH and I have been married 5 years. I would help out at Christmas when we first got together. We would go shopping for gifts, I would do stocking stuffers, I would handle the wrapping, etc. NOPE I'm stepping back. From all of it. Everything I used to buy was unappreciated and destroyed within a few months. I got tired of spending my hard earned money. DH is handling SD gifts this year SOLELY. He can shop, wrap, etc. 

DH is contributing, but I'm organizing ALL the gifts for our son's gifts (almost 2 years old). I'm sure SD will have comments about how he has more, spent more money, etc. That's my pergoative as his Mom and I won't hide it. If DH wants to put time, effort, and money into her gifts, then so be it. 

Don't feel guilty about stepping back! 

Memories are made with effort and engagement.

For my SS, he talks incessently about the quilts my mom has made for him over the years. He does not recall a single video game or game card gift.

Though he did surprise me not long ago with fond memories of he and I playing an early video/computer game together. I have no memory of that game but it is a fond memory for SS-30.

I was wrong in my forcast that he would not have any specific memories of gaming.  Though I think it was that he and I did it togehter for a few days that was memorable for him.  He has countless memories of camping trips, hikes, etc, etc, etc... that we have done over the years.  Not many memories of gaming.  He even thanks his mom and I for making him engage in real life instead of just sitting all day long gaming.

He still games, but far less year by year.

His memories of gifts are far more focused on family heirlooms, my mom's quilts that she makes specificallyt for SS, etc......