OSS is up sh!zz creek without a paddle...
And I am not helping him figure it out. To say I am disappointed is an understatement.
OSS is in college. I have had a funny feeling all summer that he didn't do what he needed to do to prepare for the upcoming school year, but let it go when he said he had it handled. I was also upset that he didn't work, but he assured us he was working on music commissions (which makes sense given his major). DH wasn't pushing it so I let it go and just didn't pay for things for him.
WELL, guess who hasn't paid for their first semester of school and owes $10,000? And guess who lied about filling out their FAFSA (because DH got an email from FAFSA reminding him that he nor OSS completed the application)? And guess who didn't apply for the veteran benefit that would cover the cost of his tuition?
YEP. This is literally his last year. The spring semester is his last one. I'm shocked he hasn't been kicked out already for not paying. I'll be even more shocked if they let him come back in the spring. DH is letting him hang himself with his own rope, which is fine but I'll be DAMNED if he lives here after getting kicked out of school due to his laziness. He was lucky to even get a dorm room because he turned in his housing application LITERALLY A WEEK BEFORE MOVE IN.
The crazy part is that he is a straight-A student. He is in the university orchestra. It's not like he is slacking off as a student. He just won't adult, and I'm so effing tired of it. I let a lot go when he was younger because he had to deal with a lot of sh*t he shouldn't have had to. He was also a lot more motivated. It's like this summer he just totally shut down. Could be he's depressed or anxious, but anytime DH has tried to help him on those fronts it has been met with resistance.
This will be my breaking point of disengaging from OSS. I don't appreciate being lied to. I don't appreciate being used. I'm very over hom and that's heartbreaking because he's not an awful person.
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I may be mistaken but I think
I may be mistaken but I think he can still fill out the FAFSA for the fall semester and have it awarded retroactively. Now the school is going to expect to be paid before it processes likely... so he may have to come up with the money out of pocket somewhere... private school loan? And then when the money is awarded he can use it to pay off the private loan.
Again not 100% sure if this would work but maybe something to look into.
Oh, he has time to fill it
Oh, he has time to fill it out. That was part of the email to DH. The problem is that OSS has to speak up about it. DH is going to fill out the parent part (that OSS says he didn't need us to do over the summer because he was just able to import from the IRS; I called BS then but DH trusted him so I did too), but OSS will have to turn it in.
It's not like OSS doesn't know. DH has told him twice he owes money to the school. Each time OSS has said he has to go to the Bursar Office (or whichever office he has to deal with) to handle it. DH has just shrugged and said okay.
Note that DH isn't happy, either, but thinks OSS needs to learn this lesson. He isn't going to withhold our information (which I'm fine with), but he's not going to jump down OSS's throat about it either (which is more my approach). I HAVE to stay out of it because it makes me too angry, plus I'll be too preoccupied when OSS comes home with Baby Girl to even try.
It's the lying that is bothering me. Both SKs know better. I may be upset if they tell me something bad, but that upset (which is likely more disappointment than anger) is a consequence of the action itself. I'm still going to help work through the situation and try my best to be caring through it. Lying is only going to make me mad because I'll be both upset by the problem AND the lie. And then I won't want to help because I won't trust that anything I do will make a difference. (To note, I am talking about being lied to by an older teen/young adult, not a small child who is learning about honesty.)
In my opinion, the best way
In my opinion, the best way for adult or almost adult kids to learn how to handle adult responsibility is to let them feel the natural consequences of their actions. Help with trying to cusion some of the "unfairness" life throws, but ultimately, actions have consequences.
I agree. Natural consequences
I agree. Natural consequences are often the best "lesson." Parents can provide empathy, advice, but it's a good idea sometimes to let the world provide the old kick in the rear. The younger they are when this happens, the better for them. DH and I have discussed this many times regarding SS11.
Yep disengage
Take care of you and Baby Girl. For OSS - let those chips fall where there may. Not your circus...