SD's are so entitled.
So, the SD's came over this weekend, after being at BMs for 3 weeks due to a mystery illness that sounded like mono. SD18 crept in like a ghost, hiding in her room and looking like she didn't want anyone to even look at her. (Depressive episode, maybe?) She didn't speak a word to me. She mostly slept all weekend.
Sd16 was harassing DH about his "dirty habits" since she is ocd,, basically calling him a slob in our own home. She also slept til noon and then called him while we were at the grocery store, yelling at him for water plashed on the kitchen counter and cabinets left open. He told her he won't tolerate this and she needs to learn how to communicate without hurting people's feelings.
When we got home from the store SD 16 lit into me for "not clipping my cats nails. She told her dad they were so long it was dangerous. I told her firmly, twice " I hear you. Now we are Not talking about this any more. " That evening, i checked the cats nails and they were fine. I clipped them a bit but they weren't ingrown, or anything like what she said. Then I cleaned the litterboxes because DH is allergic and the skids won't ever help. I don't know why SD 16 feels entitled to tell the adults in her life how to live their lives? At least DH has grown a pair and is telling her to cool it. (Even after she tried crying.)
Also, SD18 refused to answer DH when he asked at dinner how she is doing. So, he told her " I am not going to pester you with questions until you tell me why you are acting this way. It's up to you now to ask for my help. I am here If you need me, but I am done playing these games." I was so proud of him! He has finally had enough of their BS.
I can't believe how entitled they are. Sd16 says to DH "Mama says when you washed my car last time, you did it wrong, and that's why I have water spots on my windows." So DH decided she could wash her own car from now on. Lol.
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I seriously wouldn't even
I seriously wouldn't even respond when they tried "chewing me out for what I did wrong". Hell no. Particularly not in the home I pay for.
I stay out of it
I have learned to disengage and let DH handle the mess that he and BM made. However, if SDs interfere with my life, or mess with my home or pets, then I stare them down and repeat " No. That is not going to happen. Leave it alone!"
My husband is a guilty disney dad and its been a real
Struggle for him to grow out of that but i made it very clear back in mid 2018 that i would not be treated likea subordinate by his eldest daughter.
biomum had somewhat elevated sd(then 22.5) into a mummy role for then sd13 and suddenly both sd's believed i was their subordinate and they could do whatever with my kids whom they'd met 1-2 times. Ummm no!!
i told my husband if he's too chicken shi* to address this with sd's that his problem but there will never be a day he will remain married to me if he believes or expects me to answer to his daughters who lack basic life skills.
Took him till jan 2020 to finally tell eldest sd who was now 24 that she will always be his daughter but she needs to understand she is not his wife or mother of his kids. I am the mother of our 2 young kids so what i say goes. There is no answering back ever..
As I I’ve told my stepson
My stepson is 9. He would try to ignore us or keep it real general at the dinner table when we asked him about his day, so one day I told him that if doesn't want to talk about his day than have the decency to ask someone else about there's but also stop interrupting our coversations when you think you know what you're talking about but you're only 9. After us just talking about our day at the table for awhile, he gladly shared because he wasn't the center of attention. I tell him all the time, that's okay if you don't want to share, I just don't wanna hear about video games all night at the table. Share something that has a little more substance sometimes.
I used to tell SS that I wanted to hear about something he
Actually did and not about someone else's imagination from a video game. I would not allow discussion of video games. It was discuss reality or be quiet.
Exactly! My wife would listen
Exactly! My wife would listen to it and say how cool it was and I would say to his face, " well if what we talk about isn't interesting to you, than your video games are not interesting to me." Kids and teenagers believe that parents are supposed to worshipped their life but if you don't get them told at those ages, the world will. So, why not do it now?
This type of thing started
This type of thing started when my SD was 8 or 9 and only got worse she became a teen. It would start with "my mom does it like this" and evolved to "I don't like it how you're doing it."
My SD would make some quips but usually just went home to BM to tell BM everything she didn't like and sic BM on DH to tell him everything he and I did wrong. It was wonderful having a woman who never stepped foot in our house harass DH about how he and I were keeping it. It was obvious that SD complained to her, BM might have pressed her for gossip who knows. DH told SD that if she had a problem bring it up to him but she never did in person, it was always through text or BM because she was cowardly. They always said things were my fault or doing, like they expected DH to have his house the way SD (and BM) liked it. Um no, you don't live here.
My ss told me one time about
My ss told me one time about a year ago that he didn't like the way I cooked him eggs. I nicely said, "well you've graduated to the egg chef and you can cook them yourself. I haven't cooked him eggs in a year. Magically, he learned how to after I stopped.....hmmm....teach a man to fish....
My SD at age 9 once tried to
My SD at age 9 once tried to "teach" me how to cook eggs like BM, and by teach I mean she explained like BM had invented it.
SD liked my eggs but thought that it was because I was trying to cook like BM so BM somehow got credit. No they are just scrambled eggs!
They think their dead beat
They think their dead beat parents are soooo awesome!
Both OSD and YSD at some
Both OSD and YSD at some point have negatively commented...
Why do you even drink coffee/tea (it tastes good)
Why do you drink beer/wine? It stinks! (It tastes good and we are adults and can make that choice).
YSD has even told DH to not drink beer/wine when she's at the table. And has refused to carry a six pack from the car when unloading groceries.
I think I've told them before that one doesn't comment poorly against someone's choice. And asked how they'd feel if I was critical about what they eat (both crazy picky but I never criticized them) and don't eat.
YSD also told DH, in a very haughty voice one time to Not Swear Around Her Because She Didn't Like It. Oh she got an earful that time.
It's not like we drink a lot and swear up storms. Just normal life stuff. See, at BMs, it's no coffee or tea, no alcohol, I think very little treats, everyone all extremely polite and granola crunchy. DH said it was like that with her too. SDs got many discussions about how just because someone does different doesn't mean they are worse.
Oh my.... I would never have
Oh my.... I would never have talked to my parents the way these stepkids do. And if I had, there would have been some extremely unpleasant consequences.
My ex SS wasn't outwardly defiant but he was quietly hostile and passive aggressive. One of ex SS's favorite activities was to do something in the house his daddy wouldn't like and then sit back and watch me take the blame. For example, he would put dishes away in the cabinets in the wrong way or wrong place, or make a mess on the counter after making a sandwich. My ex husband would see it, get pissed off and immediately start berating me about it and I couldn't get a word in to defend myself. IF I managed to say, "I didn't do that," he would STILL continue to b&tch me out and not believe me. It was humiliating and infuriating. Anyway, my husband seemed oblivious to his son's behavior but I think on some level he was aware of it, he just chose to ignore it. He always sided with his son, no matter the situation or the behavior of his son. His manchild could do no wrong.
Also, if I had in any way talked to my parents about their "dirty habits" in their own home, my dad would've told me to get the f&ck out and find my own place to live if I didn't like it. That kind of behavior just wouldn't have been tolerated.
I must say I am greatly relieved to be out of steplife.
I have one SS like this..
I have one SS like this...everything out of his mouth is a complaint or a criticism.
He once repeatedly told DH to shut up and told him he was clueless. I calmly told him that he needed to be more respectful of his father and that's not how we treat one another in this house. He cried to DH that I was "so critical" of him "all the time." I'm sure he also said the same to BM. It was at that point that I tapped out and I basically ignore the kid when he comes over.
My ex SS used to say he felt
My ex SS used to say he felt "pressured" by me when I once suggested he work full time after he graduated high school and had no plans to go to college (my husband shut that down by screaming at me to "leave my son the f&ck alone, he can take a break after high school, I told him that's fine!").
"Pressured"... WTF. I have to laugh at that, "pressured" because he has to work....Welcome to adulthood buddy, oh wait, daddeeee is still spoon-feeding you... nevermind! And at nearly 22 years of age, he STILL acts like a child. Great job daddeeeee!
BTW - the cat's claws came up AGAIN
BTW, the cat's claws came up AGAIN. Yes, only 2 weeks later they came over and before they even sat down - SD18 was scolding us for not clipping the cats claws. (I clipped them 2 weeks ago, when she complained they were "dangerously long". ) DH saw me stiffen in my chair and he raised his voice and said "SD18, that is NOT TRUE. STOP!" I loved him so much in that moment!
Seriously, what is their obsession with declawing my cat? DH is finally seeing that they use this as a way to put me down, and they have no regard for my cat's well being. Maybe they keep getting clawed because the cat just doesn't like them? My cat usually hides when they come through the door, so if they seek her out, that is on them.
Anyone who tries to take
Anyone who tries to take control of my cat's well-being would be asked if they were sick of living... with just the right degree of menace. I have used this technique in many (including professional) situations. When challenged (doesn't happen often), I stare them down. Never fails.