YSD16 is Veruca Salt, personified.
My YSD 16 came over with her older sister last night for weekend visitation. I never know what to expect from these two, because they can both be very moody. YSD16 starts harping on her dad and me in the car, about how we need to do this and that - fix up the house, get a dog, etc.
Her dad told her we are not getting a dog anytime soon because he recently had a heart attack, and his energy levels aren't what they used to be. He doesn't have time or energy to take care of a new dog. But that answer wasn't good enough for the skids - because they WANT A DOG, NOW. So a few times a month she gets on a roll and its non-stop pestering, guilting, and why, why WHY CANT WE GET A DOG?! I have learned to stay quiet and calmly say "No, that is not going to happen." DH tried this tactic where after the 3rd time she asked him the same question and he answered, he ignored her. So she yells "HELLO?!" "ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER ME?" I am just dying inside because she really does remind me of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and I am trying not to smile or roll my eyes. What kind of kid acts like this? I am so over her little snits and demands.
Then, when the whole dog thing flops, she starts in on how we need a gigantic headboard in our bedroom because she saw this in a magazine and it would "look so amazing." I told her "yes, that would be cool, but right now we have about 6 other pieces of furntiture that we need more. We just moved in to a new home and our budget is set, so we don't have a ton of money to spend on frivolities. Well, she has never had a job so she has no idea the value of a dollar or the work and responsibility of having a large dog. She doesn't do chores because her dear daddy thinks she will break a nail if she has to scrub her own damned toilet. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the absurdity of this kid. I wonder if she will find a rich husband who tolerates her or if she will try to leech off her BM? She can't stand anyone else being in charge so I think she will find a nice cuckhold husband to act as her ATM. Not my problem.
Oh and when I asked if she will be driving herself and her sister over for visitation (BM bought her an SUV the day after she got her drivers license) he says no. She refused to drive over because she "has to park her SUV in our garage" or she isn't bringing it." DH had the sense to say no. I have been hounding him to clean up the garage for 3 months so I can park our SUV in the garage - but no, he hasn't gotten around to it yet. So, looks like we will ferrying her back and forth indefinitely. Her older sis hasn't gotten her license yet because she "has anxiety." Sigh. If and when she gets a job I will be introducing her to "THE BUS." I am not paying for the gas to be her personal taxi.
Ok. End of rant. I had to get that out of my system because I can't bring it up to the DH or he gets defensive. Meanwhile they still order him around at the dinner table. "Daddy - I need a fork. Daddy you forgot to make the gravy. Daddy, there's no ice in my water. Daddy, why didn't you heat this baked potato all the way through? Go put it back in the oven." Yup. Its hard to bite my tongue and not sweat the small stuff.
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LOL, sorry but this reminds
LOL, sorry but this reminds me of my OSD. When she'd do this, was very good at demands with no discussion allowed, DH would soft pedal around her because he's afraid of the simple word "no."
I'm not. When we moved into our home the SDs got to decorate their rooms and that's it. The rest of the house was ours. I said, "No." A lot. Sometimes I'd tell her, If you can pay for that and arrange for delivery, then you can get it "
She wanted a kitten. I had two cats. She didn't give them hardly a second glance. "No." A bunny? Hard No and discussion with DH about rabbits. And lack of responsibility. Ugh.
If she had that big an attitude in the car I may have asked DH to pull over, got out, and called an Uber or something to get home.
They decorated their rooms
Ha! Yes, we let them decorate their rooms and the guest room/TV room. YSD16 still tries to critique my choice of sofa, how I arrange my kitchen, and sometimes I will wake up to her having stayed up after I went to bed and rearranged the kitchen. If I like it, I live with it. If I don't, I simply move it back - which annoys her to no end because although she didn't ask me, she thinks I should be grateful for her decorating prowess being bestowed upon me. She even tried to scrape off a cutout/cling decoration that came with the house on the wall. She will also offer to repaint certain rooms that she doesn't like. Its so bizarre. The upside is that we can pay her $20 to vacume and wash the car - and she will OCD the hell out of that. I get a $20 detailing of the car. The downside is that she can only be talked into this when she needs money.
I'd lose my mind
I'd lose my mind if OSD re-arranged my kitchen! Holy....
I guess I was lucky in that she was also lazy and hated physical labor. She'd never do it herself nor would she do things even if paid. She did earn ONE time $20 for spreading bark in a flowerbed but complained it was hard work (not) and it smelled. Ok then.
This sounds like part HDTV
This sounds like part HDTV addict, part her marking territory in your home. She rearranged your kitchen!?! Oy vey.
I like that you are calm and don't rise to the bait, but at some point you need to demonstrate who's the queen of the castle. This skid is a Grade A boundary stomper, and better she gets put in her place now rather than getting schooled the hard way in real life.
I look forward
I look forward to SD 16 getting her first job and going out into the big, bad world. I have a feeling she is going to discover that most people don't appreciate her attitude. She is really living in an alternate universe at the biomom's, where everyone tapdances around her. Outsiders won't be so kind. I hope she learns from it and becomes a better person.
My OSD was raised that way.
My OSD was raised that way. She was allowed to self isolate as a teen, never encouraged to engage in sports or social activities. No one ever challenged her b.s. so she reached adulthood with a lot of erroneous ideas about how the world works and her place in it. She scores high for narcissistic traits, uses rage to control others, and is very stunted socially. She in her forties now, still can't get along with others.
The best thing for your SD would be repeated exposure to uncomfortable situations and things she doesn't enjoy - you know, all that character building stuff, and with no one bailing her out.
Dogs
My SGD30 is kind of a high maintenance princess. I didn't have to be around her a lot and we have a good relationship but she's used to getting her way. She is a dog lover. She was here a few months ago and decided Grandpa needs a dog. She was on it relentlessly. I agree DHstb85 would love a dog but the dog care is beyond us now especially with 5 steps from our deck to the fenced backyard. I could tell she was ready to get a dog and bring it over. I finally said, " GD, see how he walks? If he got a dog, he'd be having to go up and down those steps all day, he cant do it." Sometimes people are blind to their own thinking. Smh.
See this is the type of stuff
See this is the type of stuff that needs the answer " when you are an adult you can make those choices for your place" and any other version of adults get to decide. Keep reminding her she's still a kid with no power. She won't like it and it's a passive aggressive way to deal with her. (Smirk) It is a fact , so take some joy in being creative with your message. Who knows maybe DH will join in , Reminding her of all that awaits her when she gets to be an adult. You might have to explain what a true adult is and that it doesn't automatically happen at 18. Adults support themselves, have a job, buy their own stuff, get their own place, any other life skills that you can think of. It must be weighing to have to listen to this crap. So I say you've earned the right to deliver the facts to her. When you're an adult...... should be a pretty constant reminder when she starts up.
She sounds exhausting...good
She sounds exhausting...good luck to her future husband.
Good luck to her FIRST
Good luck to her FIRST husband. lol
lol lol lol
Truth.
You have some strength to hold your tongue in the car with all
that yelling from SD harping about getting a dog.
I'd tell her, 'you're still a minor child' or 'stay out of my bedroom and stop looking at my headboard' or stop the car and get her the heck out of the car and tell her to STFU.
It seems kids nowadays don't have the respectable fear of their parents, rather the parents are soft and don't want to upset their baby girls, who are entitled jerks. Zero consequences for bad behaviors and living like pigs. Respectable fear meaning the parent follows through on consequences when the minor child fails to comply with previously set expectations of chores and responsibilites.
I hope you can get some peace in your home when those girls are there. You must have superpowers or good earplugs to keep your sanity! hugs
I have both
LOL I have both! 2 more years and then she is out of the nest! I mainly just go upstairs and read a good book in a room where I dont have to listen to her whining.
When we were kids, our
When we were kids, our parents would say, "I already said not now. Each time you ask it will be another month."
Every time she comes over
Every time she comes over, the first 24 hours are nothing but a tirade of complaints about our house. This time it was "If you are going to have a housewarming BBQ, you HAVE to buy patio furniture. I have some all picked out for you. Oh, and let me know which weekend so I can bring real clothes, and not just my pajamas."
Blechhh. What a turd. Do a dish once in a while, why don't ya.