GF Literally Does Everything
Lately, it seems like GF does everything for SS. GF is home with SS every night. GF makes sure SS is fed, that his homework is done, takes him to sports and school, takes him to all medical appointments, etc. BM is nowhere to be found. Every time we Facetime, GF is home with SS and BM is gone. A few weeks ago, GF emailed DH, ccing BM, to let DH know that she took SS for his annual physical. GF provided DH with all the medical information. We talked to SS on Sunday, and again, GF was watching SS and BM was nowhere to be found.
Today, BM emails DH, letting him know that GF and SS will be traveling to GF's parents' house 4 hours away. They are leaving today after school and SS will miss school tomorrow. The kicker... BM isn't going with them because she is coming to our state to visit her parents... then why is SS going with GF and not BM? SS isn't GF's kid... If DH had SS for visitation and I took SS away for a weekend without DH, BM would lose her mind. I'm sure I'd be accused of sexual assault or something ridiculous. BM would argue that DH shouldn't have any visitation if SS isn't with him 24/7; hell she doesn't even let us enroll SS in daycare because "what's the point of visitation if he isn't with you." Yet, BM doesnt like me babysitting SS either. We had to get childcare added to the CO.
This is the stuff that still pisses me off. DH can't have SS ever and SS could NEVER miss school to visit DH, yet SS is never with BM and he can miss school to visit GF's parents. I just wish BM would step up and actually be the parent, especially since we are paying her all this CS.
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That's very odd, I wonder if
That's very odd, I wonder if they are separated and BM is enough of a NARC to believe that GF is pretty much the "second parent" to SS...after all DH is just the sperm donor.
BM is definitely a Narc and
BM is definitely a Narc and definitely believes GF is the "other parent" and "Mom #2," making DH nothing, but they aren't separated. If BM and GF split up, BM would eliminate all contact between GF and SS swiftly and painfully, just to hurt GF as much as possible. Plus, BM moved to GF's state, so BM would have to move home to Mom & Dad. I just think BM hates being a Mom and wants to dump SS whenever possible.
It also just dawned on me that BM pawned SS off on MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND OF ALL WEEKENDS.
She probably
Also considers herself an 'awesome mum' (eyeroll)
Bm here is pretty much identical. When ss was younger granny literally raised him. Now the step dad does , which must pain dh a lot. He doesn't get told or have a choice in much of it.
One of the worst examples was during the covid lockdown. Dh was told that as house to house contact wasn't wise ss would remain 'with her ' OK. Dh didn't see stepson for 8 weeks, and it transpired that bm was working that whole time and ss was with step dad at home. He could have been here with dh.
IMHO it's all done to exclude and alienate the other parent. Like THIS is OUR family now, and I'll just throw you the scraps when I need a babysitter
It's so annoying. Yes, BM's
It's so annoying. Yes, BM's parents raised SS from birth to age 5, and then BM met and moved in with GF out of state when SS was 5.5 and GF picked up the role, so SS has always been raised by someone else. We keep telling BM we will take him if she doesnt want to parent and she just gaslights and abuses DH and I in response. DH doesnt have any custody, physical or legal, due to them being teen parents and not married when SS was born, and we only see SS 6 weeks per year, so DH has to basically accept everything BM (and GF) does. BM doesnt notify DH of much and if she does, she just says "we made this choice for SS. Just letting you know," further reiterating that DH has no say. We just hate it because BM doesn't want to parent, but she doesn't want DH to parent either.
I would be angry as well.
I would be angry as well. It is just wrong that GF gets to spend time with SS that DH is denied. It is not right and it is not fair. I know there is nothing you can do about it, and that you and DH have come to terms with things - but I am still furious for you!
Every time I think I have
Every time I think I have moved past this stuff and that I have mastered that "I don't care" attitude about BM, GF, SS, and this situation, something like this happens and it riles me up. I think it's the injustice of it all that bothers me. I thought at some point, karma would bite BM in the ass for all the wrong she has done toward DH and I, but it has yet to happen. BM just keeps winning.
Yes, it is the principle of the matter.
Yes, it is the principle of the matter. I really struggle when things are unfair, especially if there is no reason for it. As they say, Karma may be slow - but she is a bitch. BM's time will eventually come...
Why is this person your GF?
This person isn't my GF...
This person isn't my GF... she is HCBM's GF. They have been together for 6 years and GF is the reason BM moved SS out of state. I am married to DH, BM's ex. BM is the custodial parent and we live 4 hours away and have SS10 on a long distance schedule.