2nd attempt at posting. Baby mama drama
I haven't been on in some time bc ss12 hasn't been coming by which I'm thankful for. I hate seeing dh sad over it but he's jealous of the baby and now apparently using me as the scapegoat. I've also not been on bc I was having complications from my c section. I had a repair surgery and they found a 14 centimeter wire left inside of me. No wonder I wasn't healing. But my reason for writing is the ss's mother and I had a run in to which she accused me of being the reason ss doesn't come by anymore. Afterwards I thought of so much more that I should have said. I said plenty but I'm not satisfied. I want to tell her how she sends her son here in the same clothes we sent him home in weeks prior, how he's not bathed, he smells, how she should be glad someone gives him structure since she doesn't, how he thinks he can stay up all night but isn't allowed to here, how I'm not gonna let him scare my baby by beating on the walls, and if he doesn't like it he can stay home. Question is it's eating me up because I've wanted to tell her these things before and which way should I approach it. When I see her again or social media? I'm trying to wait till I see her because I'm more of a face to face person but her boyfriend who is her cousin lol packs a gun and was threatening someone with it the day that she and I had our little conversation. I'm not afraid of her but I don't trust him. They did this to our neighbors and other people a couple years back on their meth binges. I'm sure that's how she got her nerve up the other day too. My dh says leave it alone but it's so hard to do that. Hopefully it'll post this time.
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Your DH
Your DH is right, leave it alone. If anybody should address the hygiene, behavior and structure with BM, it's him. By the way, is he the person implementing those standards when your SS is there? That's who should be doing it, not you. Getting into a verbal or Facebook fight wont do anybody any good. Its also a harmful thing for your SS to experience.
I feel bad for you having that complication after your C section. Ouch. Hopefully, you'll start healing now. It has to be tough dealing with this health issue and a new baby.
I totally understand your desire to give BM your unfiltered opinion, I often felt that. But, I think you should not do it. First of all, it's DH's relationship to manage. Second, she sounds unstable and perhaps dangerous. Third, it won't do any good. She will just retaliate.
Spend your energy on getting well and taking care of your precious baby. Wishing you all the best.
Thank you for your kind words
Thank you for your kind words. It was like I had that ah ha moment and thought maybe I shouldn't be worrying about this. I'm sure that it's not gonna end here though even if I let things go. I guess then and there is when I'll tell her how I feel. To answer your question dh does take the initiative on the bathing part 100%. As soon as he's in the door he makes him shower. The discipline thing is another story. I've tried till I'm blue in the face to get him to set some rules and boundaries. He will make an effort but by the next visit it's forgotten about most times. Thanks again. I'm gonna continue to heal and focus on my bundle of joy.
There are plenty of things we wanna say to the batshit
Crazies our spouses married or had kids with. But it aint worth it. They play the poor single mum card too often to any sucker who'll buy it. The smart ones will see through the bs.
my eldest sd asked her dad if she could have his sister's phone number (for a recipe) after 5.5 yrs no contact.
my sil told hubby not to worry, that woman wasn't gonna dare trashtalk me considering the piece of shit she is.
Why would you risk
Why would you risk potentially being shot and killed in order to tell off someone who gives zero effs about you and zero effs about her son? At best, what you want to do will result in SS coming back over (perhaps permanently), terrorizing you all on BM's command, as payback.
Nothing you say changes the situation for the better, so next time you see her, duck and run the other way.
Let it go. Trust me, you won
Let it go. Trust me, you won't get the last word with this type. You will regret escalating a battle you can't win.
Let your DH deal with his ex and his son, and focus on your baby.
If Dad isn't willing to speak
If Dad isn't willing to speak up to her about his kiddo, then why bother?
I agree, try to heal from
I agree, try to heal from surgery. That's so hard I'm sorry. Try to put that out of mind, it's DH problem not yours.
Don't engage with her, leave
Don't engage with her, leave the hygiene to your DH.
I wouldn't communicate with her at all, it's your DHs job to insulate you from the drama.
I was going to reply to each
I was going to reply to each and every one of you but I see that I actually have won. Going about my business as she never existed will bring me out on top. I get what each and every one of you are saying. I sure wouldn't want to get ss started with his unannounced midnight visits again or worse risk getting shot by the meth head cousin boyfriend of hers. You guys have really put it into perspective to me what's more important. I feel so much better and have peace. This site has been a blessing to me. When I first started being a step mom I put my all into it. Now I disengage because it's too stressful on me. Dh makes it hard on me to disengage but I don't feel like I can or want to be that loving sm to his child anymore. He's used me for his first (that I know of) and last time of being his scapegoat by telling his mom that I'm to blame for him not coming back. I will not allow any person to come in my home and scare my child. Ladies thank you. I knew if I got some advice from people that can set on the outside looking in that I would get my answer. I more than halfway wanted everyone to say let her have it lol but thank you. You've really given me peace of mind. I'm almost healed up from having that wire in my body for 7 months and I'm just gonna focus on my little family. ❤️