Help. Ss11 is about to cut in on my plans
Ok. So I've had it planned for two weeks for my bs to come over and stay. I've discussed this with dh more than once. He clearly knew about our plans. My bs15 loves to come over and spend time with dh and I. This doesn't happen often and ss is here usually every weekend. Well until he got jealous of the baby and started banging on the walls. Today I find out that ss is planning to be here the day my bs is coming. He didn't know that my son was supposed to be here but as I said dh surely knew this but he had a hard time telling ss you need to come another time. He's a DD for sure. So what it boils down to is this was supposed to be a time for my son. I discussed with dh that we'd made plans (my son and I) already and he knew it. He says he wants them both here. They can play together he said. Well we have a small two bedroom house. My son isn't interested in playing at his age. Ss acts rude and jealous when any of my children are here. I have two that are grown. When he shows up uninvited and they're here he ruins the whole relaxed atmosphere. I just want for once for him to be told we have plans already made. You'll have to wait until the weekend. I am already smothering thinking of us all being crowded up in our home. I know he's not showered and will arrive smelling foul, he'll act rude towards my son. I just want some time with one of my children as planned. Dh gets defensive almost always. How can I say nicely yet firmly (we had plans and you knew about them. Please have ss wait a few days. Ss is supposed to stay on the weekends. He will ignore dh's messages anymore and only reply when he wants to come down. Dh and I both also have doctors appointments Wednesday and Thursday so our week is pretty full. I just want my son to have some time with me and dh. His bd is a low life and repeatedly messes up and my son has nothing to do with him. My bs loves getting to hang out with dh. Please help. I need some constructive responses pretty quick because ss11 is supposed to be here tomorrow. Thank you in advance for any suggestions.
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Just say we had a plan and
Just say we had a plan and you know that. ss needs to wait. Just like he loves his son, you love yours and need to have some one on one bonding time. You can always offer to make it up to ss later with some bonding time of his own... even if you don't really want to... it's not fair to your son when you have so little time together. Try to express what you need firmly but with respect. If DH doesn't listen maybe take your son and go out to do things together away from the house. Let dh handle ss on his own.
Thank you. That's exactly the
Thank you. That's exactly the way I'll say it. I do need that time with my son. I don't get it as much as he does with his. He did offer to have him wait so I could but I don't think he meant it 100%.
Tell him. Don't ask. His son
Tell him. Don't ask. His son doesn't always get to be the priority. Stand firm and say it nicely but mean it
Until your DH goes back to
Until your DH goes back to court to try and re-establish his rights or visitation with his son, he shouldn't be having him stay over at your home. Period. Especially since it doesn't sound like your DH has any communication with BM or the grandparents.
SS just randomly showing up for a weekend opens your DH up to CPS and law enforcement interfering with your lives if BM or the grandparents decide they want to cause problems. Your DH has to handle this legally before he can handle his feelings around it.
"DH, until you speak with an attorney and get some sort of order on paper that allows you visitation with SS and protects us from bogus charges that BM and Grands might bring on us if they get mad, you need to see SS at their place or in public with them. SS cannot be here if his guardians are unaware or not present. I know you love and care about him, but it's too risky for our household to just let SS dictate his visitation schedule. This doesn't help SS; it just puts a bandaid on a bullet wound. If you really want to help your son, you need to do so the right way."
If ss comes over smelling foul and unshowered,
You tell your husband to make sure he is showered in next 5 mins & that it's disgusting. I don't get it with bio parents turning a blind eye to this disgusting nonsense. Even my ss was about 18 and so call did laundry that smelled of fermented sweat cooked into his clothes for months.
i was pregnant and my senses supercharged, told hubby when he got home that there was a stemch over there and to confirm I wasn't imagining it. He screamed ss name to come out of his room now and told him to take his clothes off the line. Ss had his disgusting clothes right next to my kids..
If your DH doesn't respect
If your DH doesn't respect your request to have time alone with your son. You make plans to spend time with your son outside the home as much as possible. Leave DH and his son together at home.