Update
Unfortunately blocked calls on iPhone do come through. After the craziness of the past couple weeks my mother?? Left a message where she sounded normal again(not bugging out with rage). Begging for my father to call her back as things were "very very bad". My nephew is only eating PB and crackers because the fridge is empty. Remember he is with his father across the country and for some strange reason my mother has been staying in the home she shared with my father close by here. She then said she herself had no money and was just eating up the food remaining in the house.
so shit. What to do? I shared message with my father who could only put his head in his hands and ask me. I know I am done with my brother. I am heartbroken for my little nephew.
my mother? I might bring food over and leave it on porch.
how to remain disengaged from the toxicity? Any thoughts?
Give her the number to get on
Give her the number to get on SNAP and a list of local food pantries.
If your brother has a young child and no income or assets, he'll qualify for SNAP, too. Food pantries can fill in the gap, and his school may have a program or resources to help.
Anything you do for your mom or brother won't be enough because it isn't what they want. They won't starve unless they choose to. If you truly feel your nephew is in danger, call CPS in his area. Not ideal, but you can't fix this.
Agree 1000%
They are trying a new tactic to drag you all down into their vortex of debt. Don't get sucked in. You don't have enough resources for them not to drain you dry.
Thanks for the update, your situation has been worrying me.
I'd call for a well check if
I'd call for a well check if you really think either story is true.
What makes you think that you
What makes you think that you can believe anything that they are telling you now? And, why would you want to open yourself up to even more abuse from either of them? Please, re-read your past posts.
I understand that you have a good heart because to even consider helping them out at this point proves nothing short of that. However, please use your head. This is another form of manipulation to get your attention. These people will not starve if you don't intervene. There are plenty of resources for people who are unable to purchase groceries on their own. If they are savvy enough to know how to use a cell phone, they are Savvy enough to investigate those services.
Please take care of YOU and disconnect from these people. Any interaction with them at this point will leave you open to more abuse in the future. Hold your ground.
I agree she's changed her
I agree she's changed her tactic. Leave food on the porch. If she thanks you then good, if she rages then you know it was all a lie
CPS is not a bad idea. Your nephew needs to be fed.
Wellness checks seem to be a
Wellness checks seem to be a good option for her... maybe you could take a page from her book.
You could contact social services and play them the message.. tell them that you are concerned but that you are unable to get involved directly. You could call the police if you feel your nephew is in danger.
Does your nephew attend a school? maybe even contacting his school to ask them to check his wellbeing (and the story).. to ensure he isn't falling through the cracks.
Another Tactic
To lure you in. She's an adult. She knows about government programs and food banks. Do not fall for this. I hope you've gotten legal authorities involved.
By the way, while blocking on Apple phones still lets voice mails come through, they go to a blocked section. Delete without listening to. No texts or emails will come through when blocked and the voice mail option doesn't even ring - so whether she knows she's blocked or not, you have the power. Again, delete without listening.
This is just another game. I would not even tell your dad. Just causing him more pain.
don’t be fooled
I'm sure she sounded normal. She's doing her best to reel you in.
Do not be fooled into responding to a 'we are going to starve' scam. This is just another ploy to get your money. Ignore. Stop telling dad. Get yourself to a lawyer. Find out how to protect both you and your dad.
Sending cops for well check
Sending cops for well check will let them know you aren't playing anymore. Who knows what cops will find but let them take care of it. It also provide a paper trail for nephew at least. Time to play hardball with them. User like your mom hate police involvement. Use that to your advantage. None of this will be pretty but you have to stand up for yourself and send the message you are NOT playing her game.
Call Adult Protective
Call Adult Protective Services. And the police.
Manipulation
I called after she left a message threatening to come to my place of employment. Apparently they all have food. She made some other demands pertaining to the house asset and doesn't understand why the family is broken. After all all the slanderous BS was true so it made it ok to send to spouses etc to break up marriages. Go figure. I almost fell for it. Stupid me.
Glad to know
they do have food. Especially your nephew. The other two are adults who created their own situations. Your nephew is the only victim here. I hope you can resolve all this soon - what a nightmare!
We attempted to provide food
We attempted to provide food for my ILs at one point. Unfortunately the ones it is intended for are not the only ones who receive the help. Once it is provided, it is often the leeching POS morons who consume more of the help.
You're not stupid! You're a
You're not stupid! You're a warm, caring person. {{{hugs}}}
Check with your service provider about the phone block. The option you used may only prevent your phone from ringing. It may be time to change your number.
You are far from stupid, you
You are far from stupid, you are a good person and they are counting on that to take advantage of you! I might still do a welfare check on your nephew...
As I said before, you have a
As I said before, you have a good heart. Don't ever mistake that for being "stupid"! You're one of the good ones. You just need to trust that voice inside of your head that wants to protect you. And you've got us. We hear you. Please take some of the advice that has been posted. We want you safe.
This
And that's a downfall for us good people. Getting taken advantage of, even by family. I stayed in my "mix" way too long, hoping good would overcome. It doesn't. I still strongly suggest getting the legal system involved. It seems like that is going to be your only way out of this torture and harrassment.
My little nephew
I can't stop thinking about him. Ties are severed. He's so little and I'm devastated thinking I likely will never see him again. Will he be alienated from us starting now? We are the only family he has.
do I send him a Christmas gift even though my brother says we are finished? Would he even get it? I think to send on the rare chance I see him again.
this is so hard. I can't imagine what parents who are alienated go through.
Savings bonds. Buy one for
Savings bonds. Buy one for him every birthday and major holiday. Put each one in a card with a message from the day you make that investment.
When he reaches majority you can engage in an adult relationship with him and give him the cards and explain that you have never stopped loving or thinking about him.
Love this idea
But unfortunately by the time he reaches 18 I might be dead. I'm in my 60's.
I think I will do that. My adult kids could pass it along if I don't live until 90. Lol.
and I will send him birthday and Christmas gifts each year. Things I know he can use.
terrible to say but all our family that knows my brother says when my mother passes he will want to bow out of being a father. I can only hope. My mother does everything including trying to pay the bills.
my nephew spent last summer here because of his fathers troubles. He blossomed. Weirdly he spoke to himself playing with toys at first. I guess from loneliness. By the time he left that wasn't happening anymore.
Great suggestion!
Love this idea!
Eventually your mom will pass
Eventually your mom will pass. What then will your brother do?? This might feel like the end of the world but it's not. Things change. They are super pissed they can't manipulate you anymore. That's your reality right now. They are having a major temper tantrum. I'm sure your door will always be open to the nephew.
You've established boundaries
By establishing strong boundaries, you shocked your manipulators. They are currently trying every possible tactic to try and get past your defences. Hold strong!
I agree with the others, set up a savings/investment account for nephew. Even if you pass, you can ask your trustees to hand it over to him at the appropriate time. Plus is there any kind of investment/savings account that can only be used for education?
But don't ever let your brother find out about the savings.