And all of the above is exactly why you should block her EVERYWHERE so that she can't get to you. You don't need to know what her sick little mind thinks of you. If anyone should be telling her to respect you it isn't you, it's your husband. Do not contact her. She has absolutely no reason to have any contact with you at all.

I would also highly recommend that your DH stop telling you about the crap she sends him. Either he deals with it or he blocks her too. She's 22 for goodness sake, not 6! Really, knowing what she writes to him does you no good. Ignore her - all she wants is a reaction. Don't give her that satisfaction. 

I think you should not reply to her. Dad should start replying wih "I understand that you are upset about something else but I will not continue a conversation with you when you are being disrespectful. My wife and I are not your verbal punching bags. Please contact me once you have gotten beyond this. I love you, Dad."

Scream - into a pillow, in your car, in the shower - but don't respond to her. She wants a reason to be mad and play the victim. If your DH wants to respond, he can remind her that he loves her and be done with it.

FF won't be convinced, no matter what you say, that her behavior is part of the problem. Don't engage with her, but find other, healthy ways to let your anger and frustration out.

She wants a response.  She wants to inflict misery on you and your DH.. heck on anyone.  She is so miserable in her own life that she wants everyone to be in that same boat of misery.

You should not respond to her.. it will really not resolve anything... it doesn't matter whether what she says is true or not.

Your DH, on the other hand, can and probably should shut it down with a response along the following guidelines.

FF, It's clear you are miserable with your life and the choices you have made.   I have reached out countless times and had my hand slapped away for the effort.  Both Clove and I have tried to help you in countless ways, but you have chosen your own path and we cannot be held responsible for the decisions you have made in how you will live your life.  Clove is my wife and I expect my children to show her respect.  She has never discouraged my relationship with you and to the contrary has encouraged me to try to connect with you more times than you know.  This narrative in your head is just plain not true.  I'm sorry that you believe it, but it is not the reality of my relationship with you nor with Clove's involvement. If you want to have a relationship with me, I am open to that but I am not going to suspend my expectations of behavior and boundaries for my home.  If you need to seek counseling to work through your feelings, that would be your best option.  Passive aggressive and outright accusatory and inflammatory messages to me and my family are doing nothing to help your case and if anything making the real nature of the problem more apparent.

Don't respond, no matter how much you want to. If you do she won't even stop because she knows she can get to you if she says the right thing. Your DH shouldnt respond either, aside from what he said or something like "I'm sorry you feel that way" it will just bait her. He should keep it loving but neutral and not defend against what she says because that just validates her crazy. 

Really he should block her but he probably won't. 

I would be tempted to respond "k" or "unsubscribe" LOL just to enflame her

I don't really understand why you haven't already blocked her - why in the world should you have to receive these toxic communications?  Your DH should block her too. 

Do not give her an audience. It's exactly what she wants. I totally agree with WinterGlow. You need to block everywhere and your DH needs to stop telling you about her texts. He's also an adult and this is HIS problem to deal with. This is why I rarely ask my DH about his kids and their antics. I live by, ignorance is bliss. I also remember DH telling me years ago...it doesn't matter what people say about you. Those who know you, know the truth and love you.  Those who don't know you and believe the lies don't matter.

Protect yourself. New boundary....DH, do not tell me about any more texts. Deal with your adult daughter as you see fit. 

HUN, do not respond. Do not engage. Silence is the best answer for this shit. Feral forger is just that FERAL. You cannot reason with the unreasonable.

She upset your DH. Well too bad. He can decide how to proceed. He is a big boy. Do not give FERAL any more ammunition. BLOCK BLOCK and then BLOCK. 

You are better than this clusterfluck. Stay disengaged. I know you are a caring person and you care about DH, but you didnt create this monster so you cannot fix it.

Blessings to a FERAL FORGR FREE life cause she is blocked in your heart, mind, and soul.

If you want to answer do so but send a response on here, but not to her. Maybe that will get this out of your well intentioned system. It works I have sent many a crude rude FU text to my ex DH to my sister. What made it fun was she answered as if it was him. I ended up laughing not crying anymore. Try it its therapeutic.

Response: "New number, who dis?"

Seriously, just ignore her. I know how strong that feeling is to want them to see things from your side and to realize that you never wanted anything bad for them- that you had rose colored glasses of a blending that worked! However, crazy BM's and their offspring make that impossible sometimes and your circumstances are one of those times! She won't read it other than to try and use it against you! 

Just ignore.  Don't feed into the drama.  You know that these people feed off constant drama.

https://markmanson.net/responsibility-fault-fallacy 

My guru, Mark Manson wrote about this.  your SD never takes any responsibility.  She just likes to place blame fingers. 

"There’s a difference between blaming someone else for your situation and them being responsible for your situation. Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you. Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you. This is because you always get to choose how you see things, how you react to things. You always get to choose which metric with which to measure your experiences with."  

If I were in your place I wouldn't respond to her.  Ever.  She wouldn't have the ability to contact me at all.

If I were in your husband's place, I would respond with an offer of discussion with a third party (therapist, counselor, etc.) to hash it out and try to repair things.

She's either damaged and in pain and doesn't know what to do with it - in which case she'll take him up on the offer.  He can work towards towards creating a healthy relationship with her. 

Or

She is her mother's daughter and she'll have an excuse to not do the work and keep shitting all over him.  He can move forward in his life without her.

It forces her to make a decision, to own the relationship and her part in it.  

"Yep, you're right about everything and we don't care."

I am really sorry, REALLY sorry,  you are being treated like this. It is awful. Some people  put it in writing and others act out physically.  I  know how sickening it feels.

 Years ago I recall Dr. Phil coined this phrase.

'You can call me a SOB all you want. You are going to do it from afar" 

Something to that affect. ---

Your cell and email is private. I would block block block. 

So sorry

*edit to add,,,to respond. Well that depends on her age. Minor,,nope dad should.

She will use anything you write against you.  Dont respond.  Your DH's former response was perfect, he can just repeat that.  

These folks thrive on drama.  Dont give her that opportunity.

She doesn't really work, has no BF. May not have any friends at all.  May have mental problems, LOL.   So all she wants to do is fight.

She want to entrain herself by fighting. But unfortunately most people just leave her as no friends.  So the only people she can fight with is a capative audience.  I.E.  You, DH, her DSister. And BM.  That only four people. So she has to play one against the other.

As we try to tell you,  one, there nothing you can do to change this behavior. Don't know what DH can do. If you let yourself be a punching bag. That what you will be. I know it's hard to disengage from her. But for your own mental well-being.  You must step back. Venting is great, gets it all out. 
But it still doesn't change anything.  Unless someone does something ,, it's all going around and around and around.

The girlfriend is sick. She needs help.  Really needs it for herself.   DH should try to get her help.

Ignore her and her pathetic rants.This girl is not playing with a full deck. 

Ignore. If you ignore 50 insults and then reply to the 51st, you will actually INCREASE her behavior, not decrease it. Intermittent reinforcement is the most effective kind.

As for DH, he can figure out how to reply on his own if it upsets you to hear about it. Once again he wants YOU to do the emotional labor rather than handling his messed up kid himself.  Tell him you don't want to know what she says about you, and you trust that he will handle it in the way that's best for him. 

Be the Best Ignorer of Ignore Town!

I agree with others: your DH should simply repeat his previous response. Possibly with the addition that he will not respond to any future attacks/BS; only normal communication (someone else could word it much better).

CLove... tell your DH that - unless FF sends a message about actually working on repairing the relationship - you do NOT want to see/hear about any of the toxic tripe she spews. 

When BioHo texts my DH with a logical question, he will respond. When she's looking for attention, hounding him for money, being a major twunt, he ignores. 

Please talk to your DH about seeing a professional to discuss ways to deal with FF and her toxic caca. You, my dear, are too emotionally involved and it isn't good for your nerves. *give_rose*

I read an article written by Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, when in desperation, I went looking for advice on-line.  My OSD was being extremely rude, hurtful and accusatory in her emails to my DH.  The article that I stumbled upon was titled: Stop Being Manipulated by Your Adult Child with One Word.  I printed the article, highlighted the pertinent parts and put it on the table for my DH to read, so that he would be ready to deal with her next email. 

Spoiler Alert:  The word is simply, Enough. 
And THAT is what I would be sending to FF.  Enough.  No more of an explanation.  Just one word, the same word,.from both of you.

Simple, to the point, undisputable.

Big Hugs to you and keep us posted.  You should not be subjected to this degree of abuse from anyone.  Period!

she is attention seeking. Very common tactic for personality disordered people....she needs attention so she is looking for your DH and/or you to respond to her.  

I would reply...We have already addressed these issues with you. Any further mention of these issues will be ignored.  

Then ignore....

I absolutely agree ignoring 50 x and responding 51st time will increase this behavior.

I'd go so far as have your DH start ignoring her. She is a 22 year old adult. 

It's done. She's made her decisions and now time to live with the consequences. How much longer do mommy and daddy have to coddle her because of her issues. Nope what they are doing hasn't fixed her in all this time. Toxicness continues.

Time to try something different. Totally ignore, both of you.

See what happens. Maybe she will have to "pull herself up by the bootstraps" and get help on her own like a real adult. 

You've helped her get $ at tax time, your DH has tried. She is a user. 

CUT THE CORD. 

When she comes back and shows a change in a positive way then discuss a relationship. Who the EFF even wants a relationship with a toxic sewage dump like this? 

Got a lawyer friend? Send a letter telling her stop.  She's harassing you.  She's 22 and plenty old enough to receive an official notice.   

Look up the medical definition and I bet she hits each point. There's a really good series I found online given by a psychiatrist.  Can't remember his name.  He gives short videos on how to deal with sociopaths. I've had to cut a few people like this out of my life. They rarely change

If you have her entirely blocked, and DH insists on allow her crap in, maybe ask him to deal with it on his own from now on.  He doesn't have to share it with you.

I didn't read everyone's response but... F this girl. Seriously. You've wasted SOOOO much energy on her forever victim whining antics it's insane. 
 

Block her, tell your DH you don't want to hear about his lazy entitled daughter anymore. 
 

Enough is enough FFS. 

My 1st thought at your title.

Now I'll go back up & read your actual blog & all the previous comments.