Would it be unwise if I do this???
Hi. I know I've been posting a lot but things have been crazy. First with boyfriend's 18 year old son and now back to the 24 year old. My BF has been without a phone for about a week because his old one got damaged. So his 24 year old son texted me on thursday asking for his dad. This is how the conversation went:
SS - hi. I just wanted to know if my dad is ok?
Me- yes, your dad is ok. His phone got damaged so he's trying to get a new one.
SS- oh ok. I hope he gets a phone soon. Can you please tell him that my rent is due next week?
Now, I don't know what this means. Apparently my boyfriend is giving his son rent money (based on what he said on the text) but I never knew about this!!! And this is really unacceptable because his son is already working. He's living as a roomate with someone so I don't think the rent is too high that he can't pay it. He started working and he also collected unemployment money since the pandemic so he shouldn't have an excuse to not pay his own rent. Or maybe I'm making assumptions and my boyfriend just helped him out this month. I don't know if it's a consistent thing or what. I found out through his son. I really want to know the truth and I don't know if it would be unwise if I ask SS if my boyfriend is helping him out with the rent. This would really be the tip of the iceberg for me.
Right now my BF is even struggling to buy himself a new phone because of how much $$$ he keeps giving to his adult sons who depend on him financially. I think I need to know what's going on. Should I ask him? If I confront my BF I don't know if he'll tell me the truth as he lies sometimes. Is there a way I can find out? Now things are starting to make sense. If BF is supporting his 24 year old son with rent, then it makes sense that he's broke and struggles all the time.
I guess the question really
I guess the question really is for you to answer whether you are being asked to make up gaps due to your BF not having money. Is this impacting YOUR finances? To an extent, you don't have control over his finances.. but if you are making a LT committment to him.. then you would likely want to knwo what his fiancial picture looks like and supporting adult kids.. is going to limit him... like you see now.. he doesn't have a phone..
He is likely to get defensive but if you want to know.. his son gave you teh perfect way to broach the subject.
Hey, SS called to make sure you were ok. He asked me to tell you his rent is due next week. Does he expect you to pay towards his rent every month? (get answer).. Well, considering you are struggling to find funds to buy your own self a replacement phone.. do you think that it's a good idea to keep supporting him like that? He has a job.. he has shared accomodations.. surely he can manage to pay that bill.. I mean.. what IS he spending his money on.???
Exactly... so since he doesn
Exactly... so since he doesn't have money for a phone right now... Is he expecting you to chip in? Have you been letting him borrow yours? Do your bills get paid on time? I would definitely say it's okay to ask. If he gets defensive, that's a red flag.
Still not sure why you stay
So, even though he can't afford it, he's giving money to his 18 year old AND his 24 year old.
Still not sure why you stay with this guy. You would be much better off without him.
Your BF's son gave you the
Your BF's son gave you the opening for a discussion. The real question is, when you find out that BF is helping his son pay rent and has every intention to continue doing so, what are you going to do? So far, your BF's enabling of his adult children hasn't been enough to make you willing to throw in the towel.
what he does with his $$
what he does with his $$ AFTER he meets his living responsiblities is his bee's wax but if he's expecting you to pony up some money because he puts his son's wants over his own needs... I would be willing to shut down the bank of me.
Obviously, he is giving his
Obviously, he is giving his son money for rent or there would be no reason for him to know (or care) that the son's rent is due next week.
Even though the son texted you about it, I wouldn't ask him about it. So, you can ask your BF and he can tell you the truth, which will be upsetting, or he can lie about it, also upsetting.
What do you think your future with this guy looks like?
Once AGAIN
The big Question is. Do you want a BF who will never have money for fun thing with you. Does your BF take you out to eat? Go places with you? Movies, concert, plays, resorts ? Do you go on mini vacation with him paying?
Do you really want to live like a poor person, when the kids get every last $
Throw this one back lady. He
Throw this one back lady. He stinks.
"Your kid texted me asking
"Your kid texted me asking how you are. He also asked me to tell you his rent is due. Really? Explain that to me please." Keep him under the look of the hairy eyeball until he explains it.
I can't even...
This guy can't even get a new phone but he wants to pay his kids rent. Please go and leave a good finacial life without this person.
Why are you constantly
Why are you constantly walking on eggshells around this guy? You hold ALL the cards! He should be kissing your feet and worshipping the very ground you walk on. You are effectively paying all his bills because he pays for everything his kids ask for, from rent to designer clothes. WHY?
Thanks for all your replies.
Thanks for all your replies. I feel that if I confront BF about this issue, we will argue again. But I did gave him the message his son texted me about and he replied: "it's a big room that is cheap that he found". So that doesn't give me the answer I wanted but if I continued questioning him we would've argued.
that's why I wanted to know if I should ask SS directly but I know it's none of my business if his dad helps him or not.
BF and I keep our finances separately but in a way it does affect me when my BF is tight with money. He asks me to lend him money and I'm sick of it. If he hasn't bought a phone is for the same reasons. He simply needs to cut off his sons financially, especially the 24 year old college graduate
Of course, it IS your
Of course, it IS your business because it affects you now, and if you are supposed to be a couple and stay together for the long haul, it will affect you in retirement.
He's telling you the room is cheap because HE is paying for it, not his son.
What does this guy bring to the table, exactly? He can't pay his own bills, doesn't seem to treat you that great, and has expressed that he would rather live with his sons. They always seem to come first. Are you dependent on him, emotionally? Are you afraid to be alone?
Avoiding arguments solves
Avoiding arguments solves nothing. It just lets him know that he can push further next time because you won't say anything. Lady, this guy is going to bleed you dry, both financially and emotionally.
Given your age differences, he is going to retire with no funds and you will spend the last 15-20 years of your work life financing his retirement without being able to save anything for yours...
I'm telling you, this guy has it MADE!
You need to ask your bf to be
You need to ask your bf to be upfront about where his money is going even if it causes an argument. He cannot expect you to be his financial crutch because he hasn't got the balls to tell his kids they are grown adults and need to pay for themselves.