You are here

Father and son have bad communication and use me as a secretary to rely messages. Is this normal?

Monsterchick87's picture

Submitted by Monsterchick87 on Sun, 01/30/2022 - 4:35pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

This is a rant. My boyfriend and his 24 year old son have bad communication. This is not all the time but there are times that my boyfriend won't reply to his son's texts. Don't ask me why. I don't know.

The thing is that the son sends me texts asking if his dad is with me or to tell his dad this and that. I feel like his personal secretary or the middle person between dad and son. I'm getting annoyed. What annoys me is that the kid is 24. He should know about boundaries and not to bother people unless it's an emergency or something. If his dad doesn't reply or whatever can he wait??? As I said, if it's an emergency I understand but it's about stupid things. And my boyfriend doesn't say anything either, like tell his son to stop texting me over stupid things. They should communicate properly and stop using me as their secretary. They both have phones. Am I right to be annoyed? Don't you think it's stupid? Apparently the kid doesn't feel ashamed to be texting me asking for his daddy. He thinks it's okay to send me all the texts he wants. 

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sun, 01/30/2022 - 8:46pm

my boyfriend doesn't say anything either, like tell his son to stop texting me over stupid things

Then, YOU tell him to stop texing you. If he continues, ignore or block.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Mon, 01/31/2022 - 12:33am

No way would I tolerate this situation - I'd have severe words with both of them, and refuse to be the middleman.  If son continues to text you, ignore or block. 

shellpell's picture

Submitted by shellpell on Mon, 01/31/2022 - 12:43am

Considering your previous posts, this is one of the least of your problems. You are in a supremely dysfunctional situation where you are being used.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 02/01/2022 - 7:12am

People treat you the way you teach them to treat you.  You give his son access to his dad.. even when dad has drawn his own boundary about not being readilly available to his son at any given moment.  You have trained him that YOU will gain him access.  Every time you do that, you teach him that you are the conduit to getting the immediate satisfaction he wants.. that instant gratification.

Stop it.  Stop passing on information..(unless it is urgent).. mute his number for notification sounds.. 

If your BF isn't interested in being johnny on the spot for his son, why are you facilitating this?  Again, just mute the kid's number.. texts will still come through.. but you won't be "bothered" by them and you can still screen for urgent issues.

Someoneelse's picture

Submitted by Someoneelse on Tue, 02/01/2022 - 8:08am

No, it's not your place to play secretary for your husband or his son. tell the son, "your dad must be busy" and stop texting him after that. I mean, unless it's an emergency "Dad, I am dying" he can wait.