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50:50 custody. How to make sure to establish contact with the parents of my children‘s friends?

maba26's picture

Submitted by maba26 on Sun, 08/15/2021 - 7:35pm

Forums: 
Blended Family Issues

Hi everyone, 

My husband and I finally were able to move back close to his children (14&10) after getting a new job. Now we are having 50:50 physical custody meaning that they are with us for one week and then going to his ex-wife's house for the next week. 
The kids just changed schools so it will be a fresh start for everyone. I want to ensure my husband and I are establishing good contact with the children's new friends so that they can come over to our house and we are not standing on the sideline as we did when we lived far away. 
How do you recommend getting in touch with the parents? I want to avoid that his ex-wife takes over again and we are unable to approach the parents and host thei children's friends. It seems like a lot of parents feel some loyalty to whoever parent they met first and then do not really talk to the other party. 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sun, 08/15/2021 - 10:05pm

Just be involved.  The rest will come naturally.  What will not work is for you and DH to not be all in on your time with the Skids.  Be at every event, every parent teacher conference, etc...... Whether BM is there o rnot.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Sun, 08/15/2021 - 11:11pm

I wouldn't reach out for that specific purpose. That may look weird. But, when the kids make friends, invite them over. That's a good way to get to know the parents. Go to school events, and they will be there. 

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 9:28am

How old are the kids? My house was always the go to house. Make it kid friendly and the friends will come. Have a separate space for the kids to play - basement, playroom, etc., have snacks around kids can grab easily, & don't be bothered by the noise. We also had a pool which helped. If you are the hang house, you will meet and befriend the parents, trust me. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 10:12am

With the kids' ages, especially the oldest, I think some of this will come from the kids themselves. If the kids make plans with friends while they are with you all, I'm assuming their dad is taking them to that person's house to visit. Ask to speak to a parent the first time and get a phone number. School events are another good, neutral way to meet parents. 

But, there is always the possibility that the kids will see their mom's house as "the friend house" and not want to bring friends over. Or someone else's house is "the friend house". I wouldn't worry too much about it so long as you know where the kids are and who they're with when their dad has custody of them.

Dogmom1321's picture

Submitted by Dogmom1321 on Mon, 08/16/2021 - 11:03am

14 & 10 are too old to be making playdates for them. Just have a conversation with them when they are talking about their friends. Most pre-teens and teens will make plans on their own. Just follow up with their parents. You can use the student directory from school, or simply ask for their parents number. Attend the kids' functions and you will naturally meet them. Sporting events, open houses, giving rides, etc. 

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 08/17/2021 - 11:23am

If he becomes involved in their activities.. and school stuff.. he will inevitably run into parents.  There is also the opportunity to introduce when the kids make plans.. like a sleepover.. you call parents to introduce.. etc.

Loxy's picture

Submitted by Loxy on Wed, 08/18/2021 - 12:44am

Go to school events, get yourself on class email lists and reach out to the parents of your skids to arrange play dates. Your skids are old enough to get the mobile numbers of their friend's parents or pass on yours. The parents will work out quickly that they need to liaise with two different households, depending on who has custody on any given day/weekend. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 08/18/2021 - 10:28am

At  this age, the kids should have phone numbers and the oldest probably has a cell phone. Just make sure the kids know that friends can come to your house just like they do at BM's. It will happen naturally! 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Thu, 08/19/2021 - 1:20pm

You asked how you make contact with their friends parents????

You don't hunt the parents down. Kids have a way of figuring out ways to get together. Does it concern you that maybe BM will hog the friends parents and friends?

If covid/delta variant wasn't a huge issue, I would have a back to school 'fall' afternoon,  outdoor wienie roast. Hotdogs, hamburgers, simple kid friendly finger food,  apple cider, cupcakes. Bean bag toss, badminton. Say from 2p until 5p

Things will be ok...just give it some time.

Smile