To 50:50 or to not...
For those new here my DH has primary. We have SS Monday through Friday during the school year then flip to a 50:50 schedule during the Summer months. It’s been this way since SS was 2 and he’s turning 8 this Summer. Before that DH and BM exchanged SS every four days (50:50). She didn’t want to share the kid so DH took her to court. She wanted him on EOWE and child support instead she got weekends and there is no child support.
Bright and early she emailed (high conflict so email only for years) asking DH to reconsider going back to 50:50 but week on, week off.
Should he consider it? Keep in mind I don’t have the disrespect issues some of y’all have, he’s a sweet kid just a little entitled and whiney for his age.
Things to Know:
-shes a Disney parent
-she finally has a fiancé that could pay for to actually bring him back to court
-this is fiancé number 2, partner number 5 and house number 9
-during the Summer we hate 50:50 because it takes SS longer to adjust back to acting his age, when he gets home he is over tired and whines. Yesterday he got home at 6 literally spoke five words to him and he was about to burst into tears so DH told him he was tired and to go play quietly in his room. He passed out at SIX o clock and slept this 7 this morning. (She lets him game all night)
-she has only financially helped out a few times at the beginning of the year she gives DH 100$ for school stuff. She pays her own way for field trips but DH pays for SS and all other school fees
-she has never met SS’s doctor...we’ve done all of his medical and dental. She’s gone once to pick up shot records to put him in a daycare she refused to tell DH where or put him on paperwork
-while she goes to lunch with him every single Friday, she doesn’t talk to his teacher about how he’s doing in class, she’s never gone to a PT conference and DH has been emailing her copies of his report cards and school notices as they come in. She shows up to lunch and to the field trips and class parties but that’s it
My problems are:
-we don’t have the money to go back to court
-SS is playing both sides saying tell them both what they want to hear
-BM has a barrage of texts, posts I’ve made about her venting because Stepmom2, who I made friends with last year, was using me to become best friends with BM by feeding her information which will probably be used against DH some way or another
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Comments
It sounds like he is better
It sounds like he is better off with y'all and that things could get much worse if ss spent 50/50 time with bm.
While her fiance HAS the money to help with court WILL he? That is the gamble you will have to take. They are not married yet... maybe he won't want to put that money up given they are not married. Maybe even once they ARE married he won't want to pay for court costs. Maybe fiance doesn't want ss around more than he is and isn't going to pay for something he doesn't want.
I would roll the dice and tell her no.
I'd call her bluff too. Even
I'd call her bluff too. Even if you go back to court per se, what court is going to want to disturb a situation that works so well?
OP, I hope you have everything you said above well documented.
I do. I have everything.
I do. I have everything.
Stepdad does whatever BM
Stepdad does whatever BM wants. She’s totally got him wrapped around her fingers.
I would vote "not".It is
I would vote "not".
It is going to be more trouble than it is worth with an already unstable BM.
Your SS sounds better off with you and DH, because BM sound irresponsible and flakey.
This isn't about what SS wants, this is about you and DH (being the two sane and responsible people) making a decision that YOU TWO think is in the best interest of the child.
Wait what!! Are you saying a
Wait what!! Are you saying a poster on here has been feeding your stories and such to BM? That's just horrid! If that's true she should be banned.
We are in the same boat! I
We are in the same boat! I didn't realize our situations were so similar. In August it will be 2 years since custody/the divorce was final, and this August Crazy will be able to file for more custody. Right now my SO has primary- we have them 10 days in a row, she gets them 4 days (so basically a long wknd EOW), then in summer it changes and she gets them 9 days in a row, we get them 5. We know she is going to file for 50/50 custody, week on/week off, and I am just so torn. It's the same as you, when they come by us sometimes SD is "off" at first, because Crazy has been PAS'ng so hard. She usually snaps out of it pretty quick, but skids are also super tired and falling asleep on the couch early because there's no bedtime at her house. They go to bed very late on school nights there and SS gets to game all night. All the junk food and soda they want. A revolving door of boyfriends, SD sleeps with Crazy even though she will be 10 soon. I'm afraid more time with her will start to change them.
I am pretty sure my SO plans to fight it. Which means a Guardian ad Litem will get involved (again), to give a recommendation on if custody should be 50/50. I don't really think 50/50 is the best thing for them, it's stable by us and we make them do homework and expect good grades, they do chores, learn life skills, and by crazy's it's just her doing everything for them. But the selfish part of me would love to have a whole week off. Skids are good kids, but my SO and I argue less when they're not around, and I loooove my alone time! Plus we don't have money laying around to pay the GAL and his lawyer. We are still paying the GAL from last time! He already pays her CS, so it would increase then i'm sure. And I honestly don't think he's going to win this. It's such a hard call. In the end my SO is going to do what he wants, and I figure the chips will fall where they fall.
What does your DH want to do?
He accepts that SS wants to
He accepts that SS wants to be with BM because BM lets SS believe living with her will be PlayStation and taquitos every night and running around the subdivision unsupervised. It’s an entitled kids dream. DH thinks it’s a horrible idea but doesn’t want to waste the money we don’t have to fight for SS if he’s just going to run off anyway. My opinion was if we let SS go now and get a taste of the real BM he will realize she isn’t going to let him just do whatever he wants all the time and it will force the conflict out earlier so he can come back to us in time to fix it before he screws his future over too much.
I only like 50/50 during the school year
If the parents live very close to each other. I think school is very important, and I dont think kids should have a long commute to school. If I were you, I would compromise on increasing her time over the summer. If you really think needed, you can ask court to mandate parenting time.
She moved five minutes from
She moved five minutes from our house on the same road and in the same school district. She already gets him more in the summer. Summer is 50:50. She wants to go all year 50:50.
We have had 50/50 since SD
We have had 50/50 since SD was in kindergarten, so almost 3 years now. She struggled with it off and on it seemed like up until this year and now she says shes fine because she can watch YouTube here like she does at her moms (it wasnt on her tablet before). So I dont know what to make of that but I know my own DS would not be able to handle that degree of back and forth. I really dont get why that is what is supposed to be the best arrangement now because even as an adult I find the way our household dynamic changes every other week when we have her here vs when we dont extremely stressful (my son does also and hes not even the one going back and forth) and I cant imagine most kids would do well with it. I'm all for including the other parent as much as possible so there isnt a huge gap in when they see them, but I think the catching up on Skype or dinner with NCP one night a week etc is a better option for alot of kids.