Step daughter trouble making hellchild
Hi,
I have a stepdaughter that has destroyed my marraige. My wife lets her speak to me horribly. She butts into conversations and comments rudely at me. Gives me filthy looks, texts her father lies about me, she also reads my personal messages that are in my wife's phone.
my wife belittles me and undermines me in front of her and never pulls her up about it. I have gotten to the stage where I have tried everything. I have finally realised that my wife is to blame to let this happen and we had a huge fight about it and her laerenting and how she lets it continue. My wife blames me.
when this child goes to her fathers it's so so peacful
here are 2 of millions of throng that she does to me
i was squatting down getting stuff out of the freezer when she came up beside the fridge and pushed the door shut on me nearly knocking me over. My wife saw everything and said nothing
the other time was when my breakfast was on the kitchen bench and I went up to eat it as she sat herself down where I was going to sit and I asked her to move so I can eat my breakfast when she told me no and that I can stand and eat it. My wife was sitting beside her and said not a word.
I am now divorcing her ass. She still blames me for everything
the daughter also has access to my wife's phone she has been reading personal messages between me and my wife. I have raised it with my wife but she does nothing
Now my beautiful daughter does not have her daddy around anymore. My other stepchild some is 15 and he is so awesome. He agrees with me about his mother
please help
Not sure
What help you need since you're getting a divorce, and rightly so. If your spouse doesn't respect you and won't place boundaries on behavior with their kids even after you've repeatedly brought it up, there's nothing you can do besides leave. I mean, you could stay and let yourself be demeaned repeatedly until you're a shell of a person, but who wants that? The only other thing is therapy, and I do t know if you've tried couples counseling or if she would even be open to admitting her problematic behaviors. But being alone is 1000x better than not being respected or treated with a bare minimum of human kindness in your own home.
I'm on here to sek validation
I'm on here to sek validation of my decision more than anything. Especially reading other people's stories and how the real parent lets the step kid get away with everything. I'm living at my sisters house atm and I can tell you that after the intial fight and leaving, 5 days later I feel so much better. Less anxiety and stress. It's a shame as we have a 2 year old together and I have not seen her since leaving and I have not heard from my wife. Sometimes they just don't want to listen.
we have been to therapy once and I have dragged the horrible step daughter there also but she won't change
I can relate to what you are
I can relate to what you are going through, self care is so vital in these situations. It's a shame you have had to leave but I have felt this as well and sometimes it's the only way to deal with how you feel. I have researched so much about step parenting and being a step dad for 20 years I experienced everything from toxic ex's to disrespectful step children. This is what steered me towards studying to become a step parent coach. I wanted to share my knowledge and help other parents as it can be a truly awful place to be.
Consider yourself validated!
Consider yourself validated!
Your wife does not act like
Your wife does not act like someone who loves and respects you. There's really no way to make someone love you. If there's a chance she just doesn't know how what she's doing and not doing is hurtful (maybe she was raised by sadistic a-holes and that's all she knows?), you can tell her. Explain the things that bother you and why. But - if you have done that and the disrespect continues, do exactly as you said. Divorce her ass. She is a crappy wife.
You hit the nail on the head
You hit the nail on the head about her parents. Her mother is a total mother-in-law from hell. She never smiles, is nasty. My wife hates her own mother. I don't think my wife knows what she is doing but it's too late for that. I have told her I want divorce papers signed it she has not spoken to me since.
the only way I would go back is if the step child goes or she lays down a strict law.
My wife does not follow through with any concequences. The step child know this and this is also a problem. So you can imagine what she gets away with and how she speaks and treats me.
I have spoken to my wife about her paerenting but she yelled at me telling me how well she knows her children and that she paerents them just fine. I suppose that's why I told her to F off and left.
You really need to get a
You really need to get a lawyer and make sure you get at least half custody of your younger child, if you haven't already. It sounds like your wife is unable or unwilling to change.
Find a great lawyer and get
Find a great lawyer and get yourself to court quickly to get temporary orders so you can see your daughter regularly. It sounds like you made the right decision to leave your wife, but you don't want her to be the only one parenting your daughter right now.
I don't want my baby girl
I don't want my baby girl around this child. She is bad news. I forgot to add in that the step child had adhd and also oppositional defiance disorder.
my baby girl does not stand a chance in that home. I hate it when she picks her up and acts all nice towards her and then when I need to feed my child I take her and the step child says I'm nasty in front of my own daughter. I just want to slap her face but know I cannot do that and I never would but I would love to. Someone else will eventually do that for me.
I am a great provider, I clean, cook every night, do the washing and folding, feed the pets, wash the cars and tend to the lawn. I run my own business and given my wife over $5000 cash in the last 3 months and worked out I have paid about $4500 in bills including groceries.
last December I gave her $10000 to buy a new car.
it will be cheaper for me to be by myself
"baby girl doesn't stand a
"baby girl doesn't stand a chance" is exactly why I stayed until the bitter end. I didn't want my kid to be thrown in with dysfunctional dad, his dysfunctional XW or miniwife SD who has been larping as his widow for months now.
It was a hard 22 years but my baby girl is a decent human being at least.
You definitely get it though. The root cause is always the spouse.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
I'm glad to hear you are
I'm glad to hear you are divorcing this mess.
As heartbreaking it is for me
As heartbreaking it is for me and my baby girl. I have no choice.
File quickly for at least 50
File quickly for at least 50/50 custody - before your soon-to-be ex-wife can paint you as abusive and having abandoned your child.
She told me to get out, isn't
She told me to get out, isn't that a difference to abandoning?
Nope. If you left that is
Nope. If you left that is abandonment. You need to go back. You also need to make sure that you have separated yourself from her financially. Have an attorney draw up a property settlement agreement with custodial terms and once she signs that, you can leave.
She won't do a thing. She won
She won't do a thing. She won't sign papers. She kicked me out and I'm living at my sisters house atm. I have contacted her today only to go and take my daughter to the park on Saturday morning.
she won't sign or do anything. She is the one who loves to control it all. She is very stubborn.
I would not give your
I would not give your daughter back. You have as much right to keep custody of her as your wife.
No. Get yourself some legal
No. Get yourself some legal advice immediately. Like today.
My God man? WTF have you been
My God man? WTF have you been thinking tolerating this crap? Leave now, go to war to leave them all living in the gutter, grow some balls, and get on with your life with this toxic shallow and polluted gene pool fading into your life's history.
That you are done is great news. Now, work a total destruction plan as you leave and... never look back, no regrets. Find the most aggressively successful killer divorce attorney in your market and get this crap over with.
Living well is the best revenge so so go exact your revenge to the fullest possible extent. And have fun doing it.
I am already separated, last
I am already separated, last night I went to get my child and got called an asshole because I put up a meme on my Facebook page that says marriage is forever and Don't let stepchild problems ruin your marriage. She went off at me, demanding that I take it down and how I am making myself look good and I am a victim and it was to make her look bad.
she s blaming me for out marriage break down. None of this is the way I look at it. I put it up there to hopefully she may get the message about don't let your marriage go because of the problems we continually are having.
I swore at her a few times out of pure frustration for her not sticking up for me and parenting her child and addressing it when the stepchild opens her mouth.
I agree that no one needs to swear at anyone however my wife is still dodging any questions I give to her amd goes on a rant about how it's all my fault and I am to blame.
Having been through custody
Having been through custody rubbish before with my partner and his kids I have a whole lot of advice for you. Soz, it's quite long.
Be the better person, even if it makes you want to shrivel up and die from shame. BE. BETTER. EVERY TIME. That doesn't mean you're allowing them to walk on you, but keep passive aggressive, petty, shouty and sweary behaviour very far away. I understand that you're venting here, but if this is bleeding out into how you're talking to them it needs to stop now.
Stay off social media with this stuff. No memes, no posts, no nothing. Do not allow something as silly as Facebook make things blow up again, it's not worth it for the brief joy you'll have over a witty meme. Print it out and stick it on your physical wall if you have to.
I saw something mentioned on this forum yesterday called BIFF - it's very good for dealing with this rubbish. Here's a link, it should sum it up - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your...
My partner fortunately followed it without meaning to most of the time and it served him very well. Do not fight with these people, it will never work. It will always make you look bad and fuel the crazy fire. Let your wife shoot herself in the foot with her behaviour, you never know when it could be helpful for custody of your little one.
If your wife wants this to be your fault she will not be swayed, not by reason, facts or argument. Ever. She has made up her mind and you arguing only makes her feel more right and gives her more fuel to bitch about with her daughter. Give them nothing, it feels fabulous, trust me.
Find support groups if you need to, I attended one for men early on (there are none for women it seems) and there were 2 clear groups of blokes there - those who were looking forwards and those who were looking backwards. It's a good place to vent, but also very helpful for sharing resources and info about custody and courts. I don't think I need to tell you which group were having more success with custody battles - look forwards to how you're going to be the best dad to your daughter that you can be.
Swallow your pride, attend every single parenting class you can, be polite to your wife even if she doesn't deserve it, show up every time for visits, keep things about her mum positive when you're with your daughter (within reason), make everything about what is best for her. Sometimes keeping her mother peaceful despite how unfair things are is what's best because your daughter's homelife will be easier. Documenting things (including times you see your daughter, as well as any misbehaviour from her mother) doesn't hurt and can be cathartic.
There is SO much injustice in these situations and we spent many nights bitching and moaning about how shit it all was that the kids' mother got to do and say whatever she liked and get away with it. The courts didn't really care that she was a lying turd at the stage we were at, but they did care that my partner has never put a foot wrong with the kids, he just keeps doing the right thing for them over and over. EVERY. FREAKING. TIME. I don't know how he does it.
It is tremendously shit being a man when it comes to custody in many cases, and you will likely have to work much, much harder than your wife just to have reasonable time with your daughter. But in the end it will always be worth it, even if only for the fact that you know you did your best.
Our situation worked out very well, it's not always the case because family courts are awful, but if you're lucky and get a great lawyer, reasonable judge and the right planetary alignments the courts and parenting orders can be your very best friends. It obliterated 95% of shit behaviour and put the fear of the courts into the kids' mother which was like magic.
TLDR; get a lawyer, a very good one.
Then if you repartner, read these forums a lot for advice on how to manage kids and step-parents.
Hi, it's been a while since I
Hi, it's been a while since I have been on here and I have just read your post. Thank you so much for taking the time and writing this to me.
I have been doing exacty as you have mentioned above. I document everything. I have been nice to my wife and taking care of my daughters needs four at and foremost.
a lot has happened since the last time I visited. Put it this way that throngs are going my way and that's because I have let go and Reno d myself that I am only in complete control of what I can control and that is in my own life not my ex's life.
we hug and kiss every home at pick ups and drop offs now. She is showing regret amd upset of breaking up with me. Her ego and pride is way too strong to admit she has made a huge mistake. It's too late now for us. I am done with her. Yes we still have feelings for each other I admit but she is the one that has done this to us and let everthing happen. People are so stupid. Her troublesome teenage daughter won't and will never change. Good. She can suffer and realise what a good man I am and I agree with you totally about being the best and nicest person I can be. That's exacty what I am doing. Mind you I am now on anti depression medication which has flattened out all of my emotions. They have helped me a lot in overcoming my emotions and I am into my second week on them and i advise anyone that even if you don't need help be strong enoght to speak to someone about it. It's working for me now. I don't get upset anymore, The last straw was me finally cracking and balling my eyes out on the phone to my mother about everything and how she has ruined our marragie. That's what broke the camels back and since I have been on meds I have not cried since. When I have my little girl I take her to play dates, play centres and give and show her the best time of her life. It's all for her. Just me and her. I am saving to get my own place and set it up so she can come and stay over. Then after this I will talk about a parenting programme with my ex. I have done and completed a circle of security parenting program and signing up for another one. This has helped me big time. One step at a time.
Oh Guilgoyle, my heart hurts
Oh Guilgoyle, my heart hurts for you but I'm so, so glad you reached out for professional help x I'm sure the weeks, months and even years ahead will still have some ups and downs, but it sounds like you're doing everything you can to move forwards.
Best of luck to you and your daughter, it sounds like she's very lucky to have you as a dad
I am happy to hear that you
I am happy to hear that you are getting back in touch with the man you like being and should be. For now focusing on you and yourself and your daughter is the right move.
Just keep in mind that as you continue to progress at some point you will be ready for a true equity life partner and at that time your partner and the relationship with your partner have to be your sole top priority. Your daughter will not be the priority at that point though she will the top repsonsibility for you and your true equity life partner/mate.
Congratulations on ending that nighmare.
You are 100% making the right
You are 100% making the right choice.
Bravo
Congratulations on getting yourself and your daughter out of that shit show. Marriage shouldn't be a constant battle. You sound like a very reasonable person and I wish you all the best.
It's been a while since I
It's been a while since I have been on here so I thought I would post and thank you for commenting on my posts. I have really appreciated the support.
Since I was last on here I have got my own townhouse and furnished it, I see may daughter every weekend. My wife and I have started seeing each other again. I stay with her at my marital home every weekend when the step kids are at there fathers place. I have told my wife that I will never live or move back to that house with her trouble making daughter there. The problem is I am lost and I am every now and then still so angry at how my wife handed this whole situation and how her lying adroit manipulate daughter gets away with everything and is still given everything she wants. Nothing has changed with her. From what I hear she is still a bitch, just a year older now.
I have no idea of what the future holds with me and my wife. I still pay child support and live independently. I have more money now than when I lived with her so that's a positive. Often I find my wife brings up the troublesome child in conversations and I simply change the subjuect as I don't want to know her or see her ever again. My wife does not know that I feel this way but I am done with this child and how she has been let to destroy everything g I have worked hard for and ruin my marriage. I really hate her.