SD made a gushingly sweet post about BM.
I'm currently in the process of figuring out my feelings about this.
We are in the middle of a custody battle, fighting for what SD wants, and just won temporary custody. While SD is with us, she begs to stay with us and not go back to her mom. But the last couple of times she went back to her mom she posted these gushingly sweet posts about her mom.
One was about how she has been learning so much and doing so much better in life, all because of her mom. She even mentioned her depression is cured (its' not).
And the newest one today is about how amazing and beautiful and strong her mom is. She talked about how much she appreciates and loves her.
Now, the logical side of my brain is telling me that this kid hardly does ANYTHING unelss she feels like she has to, lol. So I'm figuring with BM's most recent custody losses that BM is acting quite sad and moody. Thusly, SD may feel like she needs to cheer BM up and creates these posts. And that's fine. It really is OK that SD loves her mom, despite everything, and wants to make her mom feel better. I just hope she isn't feeling like her mom's emotions are her responsibilty (we have discussed this with her).
But then the illogical side of my brain is so FRUSTRATED. She posts these tooth-achingly sweet posts about her mom publicly for everybody to see. Nothing about us ever (not that I want or need her to, but you know... appearances...). And everybody knows we are going through a custody battle. So they start making assumptions and start asking SD questions. And I'm just so afraid they will use emotions to turn her against us, and turn her against everything she thought she wanted for herself. Not to mention it's just straight up hard for me to read these posts after everything... Ugh
Just all these irrational feelings that I don't know how to deal with. I just needed to tell someone and maybe get some advice.
Thanks.
We had the same issue with
We had the same issue with Spawn who lived with us full time because her mother was a Meth addict. Spawn would post how amazing her mom was, what a fighter her mom was, all about how she couldn't wait to grow up and be like her mom...yeah!
Your SD might be posting this on social media so it appears her life is great and things with her mom are wonderful just so she can feel "normal" also maybe a way to lie to herself "like see my mom's not so bad."
For us we chose to ignore the stuff Spawn posted on social media, because reality was it was a lie, and we all knew it, Spawn knew it and so did all our friends and family.
Oh boy. Can't wait to grow up
Oh boy. Can't wait to grow up and be a meth addict! Or in our case, a felon and oxycodone addict! Yay indeed!
We will just ignore the posts. But they still hurt, you know?
Oh I know. I would take
Oh I know. I would take Spawn to do stuff and buy her stuff and she never once posted anything about that. Instead she posted that if the purge was real she would off me first...lovely!
OMG, lol. That sounds like
OMG, lol. That sounds like something my SD would say! She makes jokes about wanting to sacrifice me or her dad to the Spaghetti Gods or whatever... I don't even know. I would really love a compliment instead but I'd never expect one or ask for one.
It seems to be the norm that
It seems to be the norm that SKs will praise, and gush over the crappy, absent, abusive parent while completely taking for granted the giving, stable parent.
I agree with your first thought that they feel responsible for that parents emotional well-being.
Pedestal Parent
Yep. In our case Toxic Troll is Perpetual Victim of Her Choices. SD15 B/M always "feels bad" that her mother has to go through all these difficulties.
SD 15 B/M needs to be
SD 15 B/M needs to be confronted with the facts that the difficulties TT has are her choice to have and that FF is the victim of TT's shitty parenting choices. Also SD15 B/M needs to understand that she is beginning to exhibit some of her mother's and sister's behavioral issues.
We had to give our son clarity on this same topic regarding various members of his SpermClan. He did gain clarity and now will fairly frequently comment that his mom and I were right that the issues that break the SpermGrandHag's heart are her own damned fault. She raised an idiot gangbanger wannabe who fathered 4 all out of wedlock children by three different baby mamas because she and her idiot husband tolerated the SpermIdiot's bullshit and mitigated the natural consequences of his actions. They then raised the younger three of his four to the same standards they raised the SpermIdiot to... which is none. Now SpermIdiot spawn #3 is in prison living out the SpermIdiot's gang banger wannabe dreams and spawn #4 is not far behind his brother's prison sentence. For #4 it is only a matter of time before he gets a prison inmate number of his own. #2 is barely viable and is struggling. At least she detests her SpermIdiot unlike her two younger brothers who worship the DipShitiot.... all the way to prison. Though their idiot father has not punched the convict ticket..... yet.