New to this form!
Hello everyone, I am new to this form but I have been checking out everyone's post for a couple of weeks now..... here's my long storie would like some feedback.
my husband and I just got married but we've been together for about 3 and a half years. He has three children 2 with one ex one from another ages 5,7 and 13, I have 3 kids one with my husband and 2 older boys 10 and 13. Clearly we have a very large busy family. My problem is these woman he picked to have children with look at their kids as dollar signs. My husband just had probate court for the first time with the oldest (13) he now has to pay her by the guidelines which is $250 a week. The other he has been in a long custody battle with and pays $200 a week. Obviously totaling $450 a week coming out of his check. I had told him I wasn't going to makeup for the money lost because of the child support. I have my biological kids to take care of. And unfortunately my. Oldest children lost their dad at a young age. So it's only me providing for them. I'm honestly a very confrontational person if I don't like something I say it. So I told him to get another job!
he has 50/50 custody with all his kids im the one who watches them. I work for a school department so I have all the vacation summers etc off.
it goes up my ass sideways that he's paying so much h money, I'm babysitting the kids while one of the mothers has never had a job. I was honest and told him I didn't know if this would work out. The kids behave fine there's really no issues with their behavior. But their mothers are something else. Ones got 3 dui and the other was addicted to pills. I know I can't go back in time but Jesus Christ, he should've taken full custody when all of that was going on.
when I met him, I didn't know any of this. I didn't pry into either. He has changed a lot as a person. He use to be a social drinker doesn't drink anymore, he quite smoking cigarettes. Not that those are huge things but to him they are he's a great person and if I said jump he'd say how high
he doesn't enable the BM's he cut that umbilical cord thank god. It's the financial burden to be honest! Any advice would be appreciated
Yes
You are totally correct - he chose to make those children with those women. He needs to suck it up and pay his share and you need to determine how much kid-sitting you want to do. What would he do if you werent around? Oh, yeah, what a great many bio fathers with kids do - figure it out! (or get with a nice person who will pick up the slack for them and not only earn a paycheck, but warm the bed, fix the meals and be a free nanny!)
Like them or not you are stuck with bio mothers until ALL skids are 18 and graduated. And depending on how things go and what state you reside in, possibly through to 24. Because college.
Is he paying the $200/weekly on a voluntary basis while in the court battle? That is a bad idea, unless there is a court order.
So - he needs to get more work and make more money and carry his share of the load.
The state we live in if
The state we live in if children don't attend a full time school after high school CSis until 22 otherwise it's 18 years old.
he pays according to the guidelines.
He pays until the SKid is 22
He pays until the SKid is 22 if the Skid is not in school and if the kid is in school it ends at 18? I'm thinking you have a typo.
In SpermLand CS goes until 18 or HS graduation whichever is the later, and continues to age 22 if the kid is a full time student in good standing with their school with the change being that at 18 or upon HS graduation the CS ceases to go to the CP and goes directly to the kid.
My SS let his SpermClan off of the hook for college CS. They pressured him to not stick them with 4 more years of CS. His mom and I advised him to get that money for college. Not that we needed it to cover his college costs but a $385/mo college allowance is nothing to sneeze at.
He joined the USAF instead. Our killer shark attorney indicated that since he went to basic in the summer and then on to a year of tech school within the Community College of the Air Force that SS could have gotten his college CS money. The kid did not force the issue.
I would have if I were him. After what the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool did to that kid, I would have enjoyed partying on their money.
Are you saying that he is not
Are you saying that he is not able to pay his share of your household bills because of payments to his Ex's for the two kids? If that is the case, it is going to be something you have to figure out as a couple what the best way is for this to be worked out.
Sure, he could get another job. I don't know what his current job is, I'm guessing a fairly well paying one if he is paying almost $2K a month in CS. If it isn't.. and he should be paying less somehow based on his circumstances.. then he needs to work with a lawyer to resolve his CS to a reasonable level for both children he had with his EX.
Another possibility is to look at your household budget and see where accomodations could be made. An argument could be made that since you have 3 full time kids in the home.. he has 2 50% kids and one full time kid that your share of the household expenses could be higher... but I would also argue that the fact that you are providing him free child care should be factored in.. so that would easily justify you each paying 50% of your household's bills. (not including his CS of course). But, could there be reductions in housing.. car cost.. other subscriptions (like cell/cable) that could be adjusted so you each had a lower amount to pay?
There are obviously pros and cons to increasing his salary via an extra job and reducing your household budget expenses. An extra job means more burden to take care of things at home falls on you.. more child care.. and the children miss his involvement in their lives.. you will miss out on time with him. Reducing expenses in your home may mean not having a larger home.. nicer car or new cell phone for everyone.
Yes, ultimately your husband is responsible both financially and morally for the children he created. I know it's frustrating to watch resources go outside of your home.. and frustrating to know that your husband's payments are due to his poor choice of former partners. It's easy to go to a place of resentment.. I know. I knew my DH had an obligation to support his EX.. but she didn't seem to do a whole hell of a lot for his kids.. and always had her hand out for more.. and the kids do too.. which is normal for kids.. but can feel draining.
One thing I would definitely tell others to do is know someone's full picture before getting serious... Just like a sky high credit card debt.. substance abuse.. we should have the opportunity to have a reasonable picture of what our partner's pre-existing conditions are!
Yes he makes excellent money.
Yes he makes excellent money.. he pays according to guidelines. They didn't even factor our one year old baby into the amount because according to the judge "you had support obligations prior to having the child" which is bullshit to me. In mass if both parents have shared custody the parent that makes less gets child support regardless, unless waved.
He will be unable to pay his share of our home. With the new child support obligations. Mass takes up to 50% of your gross pay. To be blatantly honest I don't want to be a a nanny while these woman don't work and getting money for doing nothing. That's a hard pill to swallow
Hard Bitter Pill
It helps (maybe) if you think of it like a car payment for a car that crashes when you drive it off the lot and you still have to keep paying that car off. No - Im sure that doesnt help.
Im sure its hard to see that much $$$ flying out the door to lazy women who all they had to do was get knocked up and push out some DNA replicants.
Toxic Troll was getting $300/month spousal support for 3 years and 11 months. And felt like she deserved more, simply by being married to DH.
Toxic Troll gets $347 monthly child support for SD15, and has been since we got married 3 years ago. It totally sucks that when all is totalled up, DH will have paid over $47k to this Toxic Spew of a human. She hasnt worked for almost 3 years now, and is milking the school system workmans comp for a head injury from over 4 years ago. So, although it doesnt seem like much compared to what yours is paying, it certainly rankles.
AND I dont know if you have followed any of my posts but this last tax season when I filed taxes and claimed kiddo, she had her hand out for "her half" of the child tax credit (against taxes that WE paid) as well as child stimulus money. When it was taking a while she of course told DH "that CLove must have done something wrong. Because she got more (earned income credit which we do not qualify for) and she got her refund within 2 weeks (a non-COVID year!)". Not to mention if she gets upset because DH wont work on her car (hes a mechanic) she threatens to take him back to court because her laywer told her she can get more $$$$. I truly hate this person.
So, I am there with you as regards that Bitter Pill of supporting lazy BMs.
I didn't see your posts! But
I didn't see your posts! But yes it's so frustrating! She put on her financial statement "homemaker" wtf. I'm not a nanny. I honestly don't know how long I am able to live this way. And I've been 100% honest about that. He will have to put his big boy pants on and figure it out. I'm wiping my hands with this.
No way I would not watch
No way I would not watch those kids for free. Where are their "moms" at while you raise their kids? I hate that some states don't factor in other children. My husband always paid without a CO and BM got mad and took him for support. Luckily, they factored in our kids and a lot of my husband's income comes from crazy OT plus what he already paid so nothing changed. I have nothing against paying I think everyone has a duty for provide but it is difficult when the BMs take the money and dump the kids. We had another baby so hopefully we don't see a crazy increase when it is time for review. I also thought if they had 50/50 CS was waived regardless of income? WHEN BM split with her last husband he fought her and won 50/50. He makes way more than she could ever and she is unemployed by choice yet he does not have to pay. The DH and his BM's should be paying you for childcare!
Nope, not in the state of
Nope, not in the state of Massachusetts child support isn't waved if there's a 50/50 custody agreement. I told him I wasn't gonna watch them anymore. I simply can not. Especially for my mental health. I have my own bio kids to worry about. I'm not working to support his kids. I am working to contribute and support my kids.
I can't help but not be nice tho.
CS can and should be paid by
CS can and should be paid by the NCP in non 50/50 situations. IMHO. In 50/50, regardless of the income difference no CS should be paid and each parent should be required to support the kid(s) when the kids are with that parent. It should have nothing to do with the lack of income in the CP household and be a reasonable amount of money and not insane. It should not be enough for the CP to live on as CS is for the support of the spawn and not of the CP breeder.
I also am a proponent that the CP should have to account for how CS is spent. Down to the penny, if CS represents a notable % of the CP household income.
In our case, we were the CP household and even I recognize how insane the CS levels far too many NCPs are stuck with. Not the SpermIdiot in our case, he never paid a penny and the CS order was rarely more than a pittance. SpermGrandHag and SpermGrandPa paid it all for him. Too many NCPs get screwed with both the little visitation they get and the insane CS they are stuck with.
As for an NCP who is burdened with an insane CS rip off.... they should get ever single penny of their CS cost in child care services, etc.... from the person they pay. They should stay on the CP ensuring that the kids are raised to the standards that the NCP demands, ensuring that the kids perform academically to the NCP's standards, behave to the NCPs standards, etc.....
It is a good thing I did not have kids with my XW, the last 31 years of my life would have been a brutal and expensive battle and my kids would have had a tragically flawed shallow and polluted half of their gene poo to overcomel.
So very sorry ...
... that you got sucked into such a mess. Are you OK with sharing your husband's time and money for the next 15 or 20 years? How about the emotional abuse you'll put up with from his ex and their spawn? Read around this forum if you wonder what on earth I mean.
Your DH must have some super magic red-hot secret mojo sauce going on. Before he was set loose on an unsuspecting female population, he should have had his vesicles snipped and his forehead branded with a skull and crossbones, just in case someone missed the meaning of his behavior
The situation you describe is all knds of wrong. Your DH is a f-rigging idiot and he'll pull you and your little family down into the slop with him. Please, for the love of all that is holy, get yourself and your kids out of there yesterday.
He's a fucking idiot but I
He's a fucking idiot but I feel like a idiot too for even sticking around. He is a good person changed a lot but dumb as fuck and made the worst decisions. I know this isn't forever but cmon man up.
If your child’s father died
You should be getting Social Security for that child.
Stop the free babysitter, let DH make other plans for his kids, like BM. He can't visit his kids if he's working
I do get survivors benefit
I do get survivors benefit for my children's deceased father. Which is kept into a separate account for them and their needs etc. yes I told him I wasn't gonna watch the kids anymore
Yeah, no. If he's spending
Yeah, no. If he's spending that much CS and your state doesn't seem to care that you already pay for them 50/50- then I'd, unfortunately, have to go to the minimum time to where CS wouldn't change (increase) and let their moms take them on, since they have the finances to do so with what he pays. It's not YOUR job to be free babysitter AND have that much of your household income flying out the door. You guys have one child together right? He's not taking any responsibility financially for yours-I dont' see why you have to take responsibility time wise for his.
Move it to EOW or when he's off to take care of them. You will have to stand firm as you will have ALL Kinds of backlash from the bm's losing their free sitter services and from dads expectations that you be a Martyr for his previous children. Super unfair, 50pct of the time you are watching 6 children while they have NO children 50pct of the time with the financial benefits?
That is right! 50% of the
That is right! 50% of the time im the one watching them while he works. He has to get another job to contribute financially to our household. If he gives up his 50/50 child support would actually go up from $450-$600 so it's a lose lose situation. He can't even afford to put clothes on their backs. How sad is that? Meanwhile BMs are living the good life. But he shouldn't have been so immature. Oh might I add one has 3 dui that one he is in a active custody battle. The state of Massachusetts is ridiculous when it comes to best interest for the child.