18 yo Stepson and i want him OUT!!!
Hi Everyone,
My Step son turned 18 in september and ever since he hit that mark, his demeanor has totally changed. He thinks he is a full fledged adult and tries to act like he runs the house. He and I have butted heads now for 4 years and it has come to a head. I own the house and i pay almost all of the bills except for water and garbage....everything else i pay for. I try to keep my place nice and yard manicured.
Of course on New Years day...hoping for a good start to the new year...i ended up getting into it with this kid. I stayed calm and didnt raise my voice at him, but after i told him no on the situation, he got pissed and started yelling and carrying on. I told him lower his voice and to talk like an adult and not a little boy. That sent him over the edge and he said hes tired of being treated like a kid....hes an adult and 18...yada yada yada. He told me he was sick of my "shit" and i then said no problem, since your sick of my shit hes free to get all of his crap out of my house and move out and see how real adults have to deal with thing.
His mother got angry with me and said she is tired of being put in the middle. I told her not to worry that i will not go to her anymore and i will deal with him my way. She asked if that meant kicking him out of the house. I told her im finished with this kid and once he moves out there will be less tension and it will be much better around the house.
She said he is 18 and still in high school and wants him to finish school. I told her well since he is an "adult" he can make poor decisions all by himself now.
I live in Oregon and was wondering if there is any kind of law that makes me have to let him stay in the house until he graduates high school, or am i able to boot his ass out of the house? I spoke to a law enforcement officer and he said legally he is an adult but i want to find out the legality of making him move out. Does anyone know the law for this in Oregon? Could not find any info on this when i was trying to look. I appreciate any help you may have.
Thanks in advance!
Mike
Where's his father? Can he go
I wish
His father lives several hours away and recently has been calling him to try to get him into the business he is in. I told him thats a great idea and should jump all over that but he hates larger places and is wanting to stay in this small town the rest of his life. I know he is scared to be away from mom because every little issue hes asking her opinion...a cut on his finger, gets a sniffle, his dog is limping, has a sore muscle...the list goes on and on and im not exaggerating. Its pathetic to see an 18 year old act like a 5 year old and calling out for momma for every little thing. He is so angry with me and hates to be at the house so when im off work he is up early and leaves before i get up and doesnt come back till after 10 pm when im in bed. I have made it so miserable on him he always comments he cant wait to get out of the house. I am just putting on the pressure and making it worse so he might just decide to get out at any time....at least that is my hope!
Sounds like that's a great
Sounds like that's a great idea! CAn you get his mother on board about that? Point out all the positive things:
Or do they have other plans for his future? If they have nothing better to offer then why the heck not go to his father's place? It might just transform him!
It is a great idea!
Oh i agree, it is a great idea, He would live up there for 4 years to become journeyman level and would have a full time job...but hes LAZY! He has never had anything full time in his life. He worked a job last summer for 2 months and was taking a day here and there off because he wanted to spend time with his cousin and go hunting and that he has worked 3 days already...etc. He doesnt have a clue what real life is going to be like! He is needing a hard lesson like being kicked out and figure it out!!! His main thing (besides being scared of moving away from mommy) is living in a more populated area. He is scared to drive in traffic and wants to stay in this tiny town we are in...where he is comfortable.
His plans change like the weather...one day he wants to get into welding, then go to school for firefighting, then being a mechanic and working on trucks.....he has no goals whatsoever. I think hes happy just living with mom forever, but im in the way of that while we are still married because i flat tell him like it is and dont care what his mom thinks at this point.
You are correct because moving away and being on his own would transform him and we may get along really well once he learns im not just bossing him around but am trying to prepare him for what the real world is like.
Light a fire under him!
Light a fire under him!
Maybe it's time to give his mother an ultimatum - once he finishes high school either he goes to his father's or he's homeless... You need to see an end to this situation. However, never forget that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar and try my above method first!
Already given
Oh he got the ultimatum already just a few weeks back! I told him when he graduates he will pay me rent or get out. His mother said "I thought we agreed to let him stay through the summer to make money to move?" I told her that i must not have been there for that conversation and that he should have been saving his money since last year when he had his summer job. He actually had the nerve to say im not paying you rent..then said im going to talk to momma.
I told him well heres the thing, its MY house and you will pay rent or your out on your @ss and you can talk to "momma" all you want but i pay most all of the bills and its going to work like im telling you so i could care less what "momma" has to say.
I couldnt believe the nerve of the little $^%#@&!!!!
Since that little conversation i told him after graduation he needs to pack his crap and he is on his own! It has been a huge mess since. It is hard for me to even have a conversation with him because im still so pissed i cant keep my composure so i just distance myself from him until i can actually be calm and talk. I will be having a talk with my wife soon about this for sure. We need to get this figured out or go our separate ways. I cannot deal with this anymore once he is graduated...he needs to leave or they all leave.
Thought
He's probably "lazy" because his mother enables him and they have a codependent relationship. It totally sounds like the best thing for this kid is to go with his dad and learn a trade, but if I were in your shoes (which I sort of am), if at all possible, I would suggest letting him stay in the house until he graduates high school. It's only 4 more months, and you can do almost anything for 4 months, even live with an 18-year old high school senior that drives you crazy. Then send him to dad's house (or on the streets if he prefers) and be done with all of this. Maybe his dad will give him the tough LOVE that he needs to grow into a human you respect and don't mind seeing at Thanksgiving dinner...
If mom nor dad are at your
If mom nor dad are at your house... Why was kid allowed at your home????
I don't understand why
I don't understand why stepson is with you and NOT biomom or dad????? I would drive all his things to either home.... Why are you obligated?
You have no moral or legal
You have no moral or legal obligation... If he won't leave nicely, you can call the cops and have him escorted out! I would make sure all his stuff is previously shipped or dropped off at his mom's!!
His mother is on SS side not yours
You have bigger problem then you think. You are in a no win situation
I would send him to live with
I would send him to live with his father. It might be the best thing for him
He needs clarity that his
He needs clarity that his presence in the home is minute by minute and entirely dependent on his behavioral choices.
Sit him down, tell him to shut up and listen, and deliver the message that if he immediately knocks off his disrespectful shit, does what he is told when he is told and how he is told, he can stay until tomorrow when his continued residence in your home will be reassessed. Let him know that his mother has nothing to do with it, it is between him and you, and if he abides by your requirements he will have a home until he graduates from HS, on time.... one day at a time.