Sd and relationship issues
I have a sd(3) who is very smart for her age and understands a lot! Which comes with a lot of issues with her behavior. I have been with my bf for 2 1/2 years his daughter was 10 months old when I met her. We're 23,24. We now have a 9 month old together and his daughter who is 3. We have her 3 1/2 days and she with her mom the rest of the week. We have her every Thursday- Sunday. My so works Tuesday-Saturday so I am left with the kids all besides Sundays and the obviously when he get home. However I'm with the majority of the time. Ever since I had my daughter(9m) things have been hard, sd3 has had a lot of issues both homes listening. She screams bloody murder and freaks out. She hits the doors and it's just a lot. I try so hard to keep my cool, I'm not perfect and yell! I don't want tj be that parent I try so hard but she will continue to act like the for 20min-1 hour straight. My daughter gets scared with all the yelling and screaming. And now she's learning to "use her voice and is starting to scream lwhen she's upset. Anyways I am a stay at home mom who works M, W, Th and Fri. I also am a part time college student. So I have my hands completely full. Lately with sd3 behavior issues I have been full of anxiety depressed and I want help. Eveytime I bring up her behavior issues with bf it's a fight. I am getting to the point of where I just can't handle her anymore and we need a babysitter. On fridays for her or he can stay home. I'm just so tired and he makes it seem like I'm such a bad person for having these feelings. I feel so alone I do so much for this family I provide all the clothing, food and Messi ties for everyone Including him. He pays rent and I also help with bills. Ok just tired and he never sees my point of view. He told me to" get my head out of my ass" he also said " What kind of person gets into a relationship and knows that person has a child then cant respect the child cant take care of the child you want a life with me she becomes youres not just mine and "baby mamas" and I copied and pasted that. I'm just tired say I do t respect him and his child. I have given up my early 20's to watch her since she was 1 on the weekends while he works. I am just so exhausted my family even says I do to much for Eveyone. And I feel it's true I feel everything I do is just exspected. And he never sees my point of view and what happens when sd3 starts growing up and things get worse. It's still just gonna be my fault? Like I'm at a lost I'm so close to just leaving this relationship, I feel like I'm just convient at this point. This whole relationship has been tough since day one and I keep sticking through it. First it was baby mama trying to sabotage our relationship. And just so many thing after. It's always a fight every weekend because he won't hear me out he turns it all on me for having these feelings. I'm to the point where I get anxiety when she gets here and I don't look forward to the weekends. I had to beg him and his Babah mama yo ask for consoling they said it's just a Phase and maybe it is but why amd I the only one dealing with it. It's not fair I feel so confused and unappreciated. Everything's my fault and I'm just ready to be done. I don't want this but I can't keep sacrificing my happiness. I'm also so sick of him comparing the kids. Sd had a very different like then bd. They also are in such different stages and age. He always compare them and it's fusterating. He also said he wants both kids watched not just one. Yet the baby sitter the only one who can didnt notice bd 9m had plastic in her mouth when I Ellet her watch her. Shes been watching sd for years I just dont want Bd watched rn until she's a bit older by his friend. Idk what to do do I stay or do I go this has been a problem for too long even before the baby wss born thing just have gotten harder. Ans I'm sick of me being the monster. I'm not happy when sd is here and it shouldn't be this way. Also him not being supportive scared me shows up to me as big red flags especially for the future this is another 14 1/2 years Idk SOS
SO changes work or visitation schedule.
Your SO needs to either change his work schedule, or the visitation schedule. SD should be there on his days off, not the days he is working. When he is home with his daughter, he should be doing the majority of the parenting. If he doesn't want to make this kind of change, you need to decide if he wants you as a true partner, or a built in babysitter.
Wow - he's really being a
Wow - he's really being a jerk. I'm not sure what you mean by being a stay at home mother who works 4 days a week - are you trying to work and care for a 3 yo and 9 mo at the same time? And go to school? That's not reasonable. Time for either day care, or BM having her kid if BF is working (if she's free to care for her).
The worst part to me, though, is that your partner cares exactly ZERO about your needs and bullies and manipulates you into continuing to meet his needs. My guess is that if BM gets more time, he pays child support, so he's trying to avoid that. I wonder how he'd feel paying Child Support for TWO kids, yours and BMs.
This doesn't seem like a fair situation to me.
I work 4 days a week from
I work 4 days a week from home while having my daughter and th and fri I have his daughter! I also do school online.. see ho overwhelmed I am just reading that. It's just not okay he dose pay child support! It's 60/40 but they are working on 50/50 which means we'd have her 5 days straight every other week which means I'll be watching her during that time.
It's not okay - stop letting
It's not okay - stop letting him pass his responsibilities to you. First off, it's not true that just because you are with him, his kid is your kid, and even if it WAS your kid, it's still too much for you. Both kids may need to go in daycare, but the 3 yo, for sure.
Thank you! I don't want my 9
Thank you! I don't want my 9 month old to go to a babysitter yet! And he sees that as super unfair and that she's gonna be left out. But sd3 is at a babysitter with her mom and one day a week, she likes going over to that particular babysitter so I'm not sure why he's always comparing and contrasting the kids. When she was that age she was with her mom because she stayed home with her for the most part. If I have that opportunity to get my daughter home it's easy with her rn I want to enjoy it before I have to put her into daycare and or a babysitter. Which I will have to come dec when I graduate and find a job for my degree. Thank you for you words!
It's completely different to
It's completely different to put a 3 yo in daycare vs. a 9-month old. At 3, it's good for her to spend time with other people and learn social skills, especially if there are other kids at that babysitter. Not that it's bad for the 9-month-old, but in terms of development, it's essential for a 3-year-old to have experiences outside the home.
Thank you for this! She has
Thank you for this! She has more opportunities to speak for her self my 9 month old can say 3 words. Yet he compares and contrast but it's day and night. Idk what he is missing here?
He sees it as you favoring
He sees it as you favoring your daughter over SD. And he probably doesn't want to pay for it.
And why shouldn't she favor
And why shouldn't she favor her daughter? Her daughter is a baby and SD has a mother who has joint custody. These dads....they think everyone should give maximum time, attention, and resources to their little poopsies.
This kind of thing makes me
This kind of thing makes me mad. You work four days a week, you don't have time to babysit! And I'm not even factoring in your studies! Dammit! What does he think you do all day? Does he realize you could lose your job because you're not doing it well enough because you're watching his kid?! I HATE it when people assume that because you're at home you have nothing to do and that your job is imaginary! Tell him to take his own damn kid to work with him if he thinks she's so easy to deal with! GRRRRR!
I'm just about to I'm so
I'm just about to I'm so tired he dose not see it he think I'm just being mean like I get she looks up to me as a mom and he throws that at my face tj make me feel bad
Working moms put their kids
Working moms put their kids in daycare, that's how it works. If you weren't so overwhelmed, you might feel better about this child.
And she HAS a mom, so you don't have to be that. HE should be the parent when she's in your home.
I love that little girl but I
I love that little girl but I have sacrificed the last 2 1/2 years every weekend to her. He always says it's what you signed up for. Okay i signed up for being in a relationship with you with the potential of having a blended family. I didn't sign up to raise your child. And right now I want to have my 9m old home with me tell I start working in person again. Just to enjoy the time because I graduate in December and won't have a choice to put her in daycare/ babysitter. She's a breeze to watch while I work and I just want to enjoy the time I have while i can. He just thinks I'm being unfair and idk what to do it always the finger pointed at me. I feel like I am the crazy one I am just tired I love him and his daughter but I'm starting to resent them both. It's not fair to anyone
He's a selfish person who
He's a selfish person who just wants you to comply with his wishes and shut up. You didn't sign on for anything, and even if you did, people's feelings change over time. He doesn't sound like a loving partner at all.
Yep. Why are these guys' kids
Yep. Why are these guys' kids too good for daycare? Oh, i know, because they can guilt some sucker into watching them for free!
Sorry. I know i'm projecting and this is sort of a melt. I'm going through a similar thing myself. I was a single mom (well, divorced with joint custody) and paid for daycare. Raised my kids just fine that way. Somehow i ended up with a guy who has skated by with having the women he dates watch his (and his brothers'!) for free.
"I just can't leave them with strangers!" Yeah, so you would rather go through women every few years, use them up, and after they slowly start to resent your kids and your many nieces and nephews, switch to another one.
Also, with a work from home
Also, with a work from home job, school, and a baby, that 3-year-old needs to be in daycare like yesterday!
He had a ten month old when
He had a ten month old when you got together, yet had no problem having a baby with you when you'd only been together a year. Hmm. Sounds as if he thought you having a child would turn you into a long term Domestic Appliance, which suits HIS needs very well. That's immature, selfish AND ignorant, but now much intelligence can you reasonably expect from a guy who keeps making babies without considering how to care for them?
You are both very young, but you sound much more practical and intelligent than your bf - not surprising in your age group. You need to start thinking in terms of what's best for you and your bio, period. You're not married to this guy, and are being taken advantage of. Do you have parents/family you could live with? Furthering your education and developing a plan for independence should be your top priorities.
At a minimum, since you've not been able to reason with this bozo, it may be time to give him an ultimatum. "To be clear, after fifteen May I will no longer be able to take care of little Payzleee for you and BM on Th - Sat. You need to make other arrangements." Don't cave on this. Make him figure out his responsibilities to his older child.