Not really bout SKIDS
So I got an email from the BM today and i was really dreading reading it, her emails are never short they always are bashing my husband one way or another. This one was no different...
So it bascially was her getting thier past off her chest, i honestly didnt want to hear all this but...First she made him sound like a damn monster, cheating while she was pregnant wiith thier first daughter. They werent married yet, saying he was almost late when she was born cause he was with his gf..from my understanding he wasnt even sure the kid was his.. I know love makes you do crazy things. But she made it sound like she didnt have the right to say NO on anything. Which im sorry if i didnt want to have kids i would have said later, But now all the thought that i had put in the back of my mind are now front and forward. Is he cheating on me? Is he lying to me? I feel I need to sit down with him let him read this letter she wrote and see what he has to say about it. and just tell me the whole truth no matter if it will hurt me, i want this in the open now. I have no secrets from him. If i dont say something i will proably lose my damn mind. I have nothing to lose in this, we have nothing together.
But she says she doesnt care about our relasonship but yet is trying to ruin it, and is jealous of the money i have even though i keep hearing that she dont care about that either but every chance she gets messages him saying that must have been expensive..cause she has spys on facebook. if you dont care dont mention it!! we dont care bout her stuff over at her house.
And on top of all this she is also discussing these things with A 12 YEAR OLD. ( thier daughter) which now hates her dad cause BM has told her that he was abusive and cheated on her..Lady why dont you try and protect your damn kids from this drama instead of putting them right in the middle.
So i guess my question is to you all...Should i confront DH on this email i got? there is a part of me that is already checking out cause of all this drama and stress she is causing me!
I wouldn't "Confront" your DH..
I would let him know about the email and you want information to confront BM, with her lies and want the truth so you can set BM straight. I would also let BM know that a truly good parent would not bash the other parent to the kid. This is Parent Alienation at it's best, next thing you know, BM will say that you took DH from her and you were the cause of their breakup to the kid.
I wouldn't. Our BM tried the
I wouldn't. I would let DH know she emailed, but that's it. Our BM tried the same thing, bad mouthing DH to me while at SS' sporting event. I ignored every word. DH had told me about their relationship and frankly, I didn't trust a word she said.
Don't give these BMs the attention. You weren't there, you don't know what happened. Ignore her, trust what your DH told you about their relationship and leave it alone. These BMs are always jealous or bitter about the past, yet they are also typically part of the problem. They are typically just jealous because DH moved on without them and they don't want them to be happy.
She says that man shes with
She says that man shes with now makes her and he kids happy 100%...then why bother me with this stuff? mind your damn business. grrrr I do know about some of the stuff that went on between them but like i said its a he said she said. im really trying to drop it but ive seen a red flags and its been bothering me. and ive asked him bout this person that ive been wondering about and he says no they are just friends. but now im wondering if i should ask him to start distancing himself from her..Im sure he will say that either you trust me or you dont. and i want to say i dont but i dont know. im feeling so hurt by this and im not sure why, why do i believe some of the stuff she says. im just torn..
All the "so happy" BMs spew
All the "so happy" BMs spew venom, because in reality, they aren't really all that happy. It's an act. She wouldn't unload on you if she had truly moved on and was happy... she is looking to stir the pot to make DH as miserable as she is. You can't let DH's past with BM influence your future with him. You don't know why he made choices he did or what the actual truth is. Are you satisfied with him? Do you trust him? Do you see red flags on your own or are you only seeing them after BM spilled? If you aren't happy, then that's a different story. Otherwise, don't let BM get in your head.
When we first started "dating
When we first started "dating" I found a note to a " friend" that said dr so and so said a red head is needed for medicine..im not red headed..he said it was a joke to a friend..ever since then it's been in the back of my head. But yes her spewing the bs via email brought it forward. I do love him I think I trust him he really hasn't givin me a reason not to. God this sucks..why can't she just leave us alone mind her own business..im happy so I don't care bout her and her man's life..
She's not going to leave you
She's not going to leave you alone and mind her own business. She gets too much pleasure from f***ing with you. Dont give her words merit. If you are questioning DH, question it on your own, without BM's influence. Don't let her mess with your head. Treat her as disgruntled and let it be.
Sigh. smh
You are going to let your SO'smanipulative bitter X and manipulative baby mama ruin your relationship? Really?
Why does she have your email address at all? Why haven't you blocked her? Why do you give her so much space in your head?
If I were you SO and you confronted me with manipulative bullshit from my X I would tell you not to let the door knob hit you in the ass on the way out.
This BM has manipulated a 12yo into hating her father. What makes you think she isn't playing you like the easy target that y ou obviously are?
smh
I'm trying not to let this
I'm trying not to let this crazy toxic woman bother me. The more that I've be thinking bout it ill probably just let it all go. She clearly knows how to push buttons..I need to change my buttons. It was just alot of crap to take in. The ONLY reason I read the email is cause I'm the one that holds the heath insurance for the family..( it's cheaper this way) I'm try to be an adult. I hear that word manipulate alot from her mouth but I'm confident now she's the manipulater..
You hold insurance on skids..
You hold insurance on skids... that doesn't mean BM needs a direct line to you. It seems rare that BM would need to contact you regarding insurance, so to be contacting you regularly is a game. BM can contact DH and DH can consult with you regarding insurance related matters and then he can contact BM to respond to her issue.
YOU DO NOT NEED CONTACT WITH BM PERIOD. By maintaining contact with BM, you are giving her an "in" to be able to screw with you. Ask yourself, why did you continue reading when you realized the email wasn't about insurance or skids? There is a deeper issue to that, whether it be trust issues, curiosity, etc. but you didn't continue to read the email on the off chance it was about insurance. Yes, you are trying to be a responsible adult and "coparent", but that's assuming BM is a responsible adult, and she's not... You are dealing with an immature child. All BM matters go through DH, he is the coparent. I am only being harsh because I have been you and I wish someone was harsh with me. It would have saved me years of sanity and therapy bills. Save yourself the headache.
Your right..I was curious to
Your right..I was curious to see what she had to say. But now I regret even opening the email. I just need to stop trying, let THEM be the parents. Thank you all for ur suggestions and comments. It's just so nice to talk to people that get it. To understand the feelings that comes with dealing with toxic BMs and devil spawn Skids.
Disengaging and letting
Disengaging and letting bioparents be the parents is the hardest part. Once you get there, it does make a difference. I used to be in the trenches with BM and DH because BM wanted "all of us to be on the same page", it just led to her trying to control and abuse me too. I have been 2 years contact free from BM. I blocked her via text, phone, and email. I had had her blocked on social media since day one. Heck, I haven't even seen her in 2 years, as I no longer accompany DH for exchanges. That part has been bliss.
And remember, devil spawn skids are a product of their environment so the real problem typically lies in their parents and how they raise them. Don't be so quick to blame the skids for how they turn out, in reality, it is often BM and/or DH's fault. I love my SS8 dearly, but it is clear he is really messed up emotionally and ultimately it comes down to BM's alienation attempts against DH, emotional neglect, and lack of parenting that have made him that way.
Your right at the end of the
Your right at the end of the day not kids fault..I blame both parents here..more so BM cause she has brainwashed this poor 12yr old. Making her think like an adult then a kid.
I used to try and be nice to BM ( as I can see it's the same song and dance on here) but that has only made me insane! I'm slowly being to learn to keep my space. That all she wants to do is make us miserable. I hear she's happy..if you are then why have ur nose in our business. I come to find that when you keep saying that to people ur only trying to convince yourself that you are!