Today was day two of 4 watching my boyfriends two girls for 4 to 5 hours. He is working overnights. It has not gone to bad so far. 12yro is sick and stayed home from school for second day. We had a good day. one at a time they are usually ok to deal with. Had a bit of trouble with 7yro. She came home from school, had homework. She gets so pissed when i check over her home work and find math problems wrong and she has to correct them but, we got it done.

12yro made me feel good she said while texting that our old neighbor said i have a big heart. I said why 12yrold said because you take care of us. So that means the 12yrold said something good bout me taking care of her while shes sick in the text. Im happy her and her sister like me. But if i could if i had better income and no carpayment I would for sure be on my own. I told my Bf that sat night. he said he understood. I just wonder what the hell my problem is, he treats me like a queen, trying to pitch in more with house work and kids slowly slowly getting better with not leaving mess in livingroom and kitchen. I guess its cause I have never truly been on my own and i had in my mind that i would never marry or have kids. Now i have older man with 2 girls that live with us and son that does not live with us. And i have actually thought and talked bout marriage with him. Also he makes bout the same, amount of money as i do. If it was not for his money he gets monthly for his daughters from their mom passing away, I would make more, also he has bad credit so maybe combo of incom,credit bother me.

my lil sis keeps telling me to move in with her.lol she is married, for going on 6 months now so no way in hell will i do that. My lil sis says he is a nice guy but he cant give you what you want or deserve which is buying a home and a cozy life not having to worry bout money so much. yeah money is not everything me and my sis agree but it sure helps. Im not sure what im getting at, i guess im feeling guilty. Guilty cause I have told her how the girls are messy and dont pick up after themselves much and BF credit bad and i had to cosign for him a car and told her bout his history of why he has the credit he does. Also over the weekend after my sister and i were talking a few days earlier,I whent off on my BF in a text while he was out. I said some mean things like Oh look a mess on the steps, a computer left on our bed big suprise. Told him he needed to get his kids in check and moving with my sis sounded more and more like a good idea. He said he would take care of the mess when he got home. It wasnt even a big mess damn i whent crazy. I said well you can just get drunk and find someone else, i need to go. He said he'd never cheated on anyone and wasnt going to get drunk and start and, its on me if i decide to go. I said ok good luck. His reply, fine just give up leave like everyone else did. This made me feel real bad and inbetween these text he said he loved me please please say you love me. I thought like everyone else well they saw how you lived in a mess, and you had two teenagers keeping eye on your kids and did not have any rules for the girls they were to do as they please. I thought bout his first marriage and his second. He was cheated on by both and by one of his girlfriends before me. Im thinking it cause he was on a couple bowling teams whent out drinking and didnt do a damn thing around the house just thought having income was enough. Well i think he has improved alot. He bowls once a week and we dont go out much drinking. Every once in awhile we go see a band and have a few drinks thats it. He's a sweet heart and loves me very much. What the hell is my problem being a bitch like that in those text i sent him. I think i need medicated. lol im not like that usually first time i did anything like that. usually i just say this place needs picked up girls need get their things out of the way so people can sit and i can dust and vaccum.