Your DH sees it but doesnt want to deal with it.  That would require him to do more emotional work than he wants to do.  Work like reflecting on his poor parenting, figuring out how to correct it, confronting SS, risking alienation, etc.  My DH did the same with one of his sons.  This boy looked like him and had a winning personality but was acting up at school and elsewhere.  I ended up disengaging from SS since everything I tried to do was overturned by DH.

Yes, they see it. It's easier to give in and pretend they don't see it, than to address it. 

but are too embarrassed to admit it. Its far easier to have the SM stew and deal with the shitty skid than actually do something about it. After all lil" Tommy came first. 

They know, they just prefer to live in denial or place blame elsewhere. It protects them from accountability. 

I am amazed because I personally would be embarrassed to even be seen with OSD in public. She eminates the cash me outside girl and garners stares and eye rolls.  But somehow SO remains blissfully ignorant of it all.

They are either in denial or they are too proud to admit it. If a kid is bad then it's a poor reflection on the parent and they know this. My DH will blame everything bad on BM but take credit for everything good like it was his special genes shining through.

He has always been very indulgent of SD ever since she was a baby. We now have a toddler together and he is pretty strict with her. It's like night and day and he's more or less told me that he doesn't want our daughter to turn out like SD. I think this is the closest to admitting that SD is a lousy person that I'm ever going to get out of him. Deep down he knows it and he doesn't want to make the same mistake again with our children. SD is too far gone to bother.

Sometimes bios are just wired that way, doesn't have to be in a step family situation. It could be that parents already had those tendencies then it gets exacerbated when it becomes a step situation. DH has a brother and a sister. Definitely prefer his brother's kids. Just different parenting styles. BIL will come down on his kids like a tonne of bricks, SIL babies hers and it shows in how emotionally delayed they are. They're a pain to be around and there's zero acountability. And even though the kids are in intact families, I can just imagine the HCBM that SIL would be in a step situation.

Most bio parents live in a world of denial. "My kids are so great, so special, blah blah blah....." yeah whatever lol they will often turn to grandparents and Facebook for more validation of this false narrative.

I think it depends. Some can see it and feel defensive about it, so they won't admit it.

I think alot of times if the kid is an asshole, the parent is too, so they don't see a problem.

My DH is definitely not an asshole but he knows that his daughters are assholes. I mean, he doesn't use that word but...

He knows that he did what he could to try to raise decent human beings but the environment that they were in a majority of the time won out.

He did not back down when it came to disciplining, nor did he put up with their crap and just turn a blind eye. Which is why one is completely estranged and the other semi-estranged.

They are both adults, both disappointments, and he admits it.

I don't think I will ever truly understand the phenomenon myself. I remember when DS was younger I was always so embarrassed when a teacher or babysitter would report to me bad behavior. I always took it as a reflection on me and my parenting.

Those were really tough years following the divorce and DS adjustment to one house with rules and one house of fun. But I had no intentions of excusing his behavior or ignoring it. 

Like I always say, no one is blinder than he who will not see.  LOTS of denial in StepHell.

I will say, behaviors in my own kids annoy me less than than they do in other people's kids. There is an element of "bio blinders." But...they still annoy me and i have always corrected them. Having worked in the school system and seeing how everyone is basically repulsed by disrespect has given me zero tolerance. I will not have my kid be the one that the teachers pray not to get next year! 

i think they are all in denial about their brats!   my exSS13 would lie , steal and vandelise belongings,,, raise the issue with DH only to be questioned with..."wheres your evidence my son did that" PFFFFT

I'm on the fence on this one.

I can't believe that anyone is so stupid or self delusional to not recognize that their progeny are ill behaved nasty breeding experiments. If they demonstrate the behaviors of ill behaved nasty spawn.

On the other, parents love their kids and for many, particularly crappy parents, there is no level of crappy kid behaiovr that they cannot ignore and smile through with the thoughts of words of "their so cute!!!!!!!" or "kids will be kids."

Quality parents rarely have this problem and tend to hold their children to behavioral and performance standards that drive appropriate public behaviors.  All kids experience periodic behavioral brain farts, even the great ones, but... their parents do not allow those events to go unconfronted nor do they allow those things to become the norm.

Just my thoughts of course.

They dont. They think their kids are beautiful perfect angels and when they make any mistakes, it is justified by saying "they are just children"

SS15 pushed a teacher who fell on the floor. Said teacher has cancer. The school didnt do anything but suspend him and send a letter requesting for him to stay 5ft away from teacher at any time. The same day BM2 picked him up and bought him taco bell and coddled him. The reason? The teacher is "crazy and was targeting him and harrassing him". The suspension was a good time for SS15 because he got to be on fortnite all day and night. My husband said "well if he pushed the teacher its prob because she said something to trigger him!! He is just a child! He wouldnt push her for no reason!"

They think these children are beautiful little angels when in reality they are future abusers who will be housed in a correctional facility sooner or later

I just laugh....i understand teachers quitting or refusing to give in person classes nowadays...With parents like these, who would want to?

DH knows sd is a b*tch he 100% knows it.  There's a few things going on, he doesn't wasnt her to not come over, as that would mean he sucks as a dad and "lost his daughter", in the past 3 years n he's lost his dad to cancer, his brother to drug addiction, when his dad died his uncle hadn't spoken to him (because he wouldn't let his uncle just take what ever he wanted from the house) so he feels love he lost him too, and my grandfather (whom he loved like his own grandfather) passed away of a heart attack. But also DH doesn't wasnt BM to text him telling him what an aweful parent he is to make SD feel so awful, what is she supposed to do,  sd is begging not not have to go visit him.  Also, i think he's just so tired of EVERYTHING with SD and BM, he just doesn't want to go through it all every single time something happens. He agrees with me 90% that sd is way out of line, the other 10% he thinks it's just misunderstandings (SD understands everything, she's just as conniving, malicious, and manipulative as her mother).