Question about 8th grade graduation?? Opinions please
Ok due to Covid SS14 is NOT having a normal graduation at school. What SS14 school district is doing is doing a "student car Parade" on graduation day. All 8th graders will be in a car and the school staff will be positioned around the school buildings with signs/Decorations and wave to the kids as they go by. Parents/kids are Encouraged to decorate the cars and also have signs.
Now on this day SS14 will be with BM. Here is my Dilemma. Nothing has been said yet but I'm SURE SS14 will want "daddy" to ride in the car with him and BM. BM is this nasty controlling b@tch who hates both me and DH and makes our life a living hell any way she can. Just the THOUGHT of DH riding in the same car with that hag makes my blood pressure go up. Now I hardly doubt DH would want to do this unless spoiled brat SS asks him then divored Disney daddy guilt kicks in and DH won't say no.
So number one is this a Reasonable request to think DH should ride along with BM since they only allow one car per kid? Would you make a stink or just grin and bare it?
High School Vs Freshman Year
WELL, last year same sitch. Backstabber chose DH and I, and Toxic Troll got upset but said "whatever poopsie wants, Ill just cry about it later". It was a big drama.
And we took her out afterwards. Drove around.
THIS year, Backstabber will be riding with Mommie, or Daddy, IDGAF. It surely wont be a drama this year, I hope. Dad is fine with whatever...and I.D.G.A.F.
Did I mention IDGAF?
Id be mad as he!! if DH rode in the car with nasty BM.
High School and College are the important ones for us. But again, IDGAF. Not ever going to have to sit through another graduation.
So, are you getting to the DGAF point?
I know. You have to protect yourself after the dedicaiton and investment you have put into Backstabber.
Take care of you.
What is it with all of these
What is it with all of these make them up graduations? HS, Basic Training, College, Grad School, Post Grad... That is it.
Preschool graduation, K-11 graduations, what the hell is that?
Or.... maybe Middle School. But... even that is not notable except for very specific and limited situations where it represents a notable transition for kids in a specific community.
IMHO of course.
Participation Trophies
To create the next generation of entitled snowflakes. Ceremonies should mark the completion of a major milestones and the transition to the next. Now they have a ceremony just for matriculating one grade up. Its silly.
Leave your husband to work
Leave your husband to work out what he wants to do. If he hates BM so much but still chooses to go in the car with her then he will get his own punishment in having to deal with BM. Myabe next time he will make a different decision. Or he might surprise you and come up with an alternative way to celebrate with his son. Either way, I wouldn't bother giving your opinion as you can't win in this case.
When he divorce BM
He gave up his Happy Family with BM. No he should not ride with BM. He should not try to unscrew what they screw up
Jesus, the kid is 14. He
Jesus, the kid is 14. He would really demand Mommy and Daddy ride together? Can you and DH follow behind them in a separate car? Honestly, i think these car graduations are dumb, and i would be pissed if my SO rode with BM. Like, is it just to drive around the school parking lot and have the teachers wave to you? This whole situation makes me nauseous. What a mess your DH has on his hands.
That said, if he does still want to ride with BM or feels too guilty to say no, you should probably not fuss too much and definitely find somewhere else to be at that time that's more fun, or preferably the whole weekend, and suddenly not feel up to having sex for a few days. You likely won't have to pretend because i don't see how you could find a man who caves to the demands of his ex wife and baby-fied teenage son to be attractive! Hopefully he makes a good choice.
That's what i think you should do. I would probably get all upset and make a huge deal out of it, probably cry, then feel bad and shameful about it later. But deep down i know that doesn't help things and i'm working towards the other route.
8th grade graduation is
8th grade graduation is stupid, but let DH decide what he wants to do. My DH would rather die than be trapped in a car with BM, so he'd probably take SS out to dinner another night instead.
I agree... I do think it
I agree... I do think it might be a nice alternative if the school allowed for some amount of "viewing area" where people not in the parade could watch their child go by maybe though... but ride in the same car? nope!!!
I would celebrate with the kid on my own and in a fun way.
EXACTLY!!!!!!
"do think it might be a nice alternative if the school allowed for some amount of "viewing area" where people not in the parade could watch their child go by maybe though... but ride in the same car? nope!!!"
Exactly!!!! Did the pandemic wipe out the sensitivity to families of divorce? Not to mention people mixing close contact with people who are not in their household? There needs to either be 2 cars per family or an option for the other parent to stand and wave too.
The BM in our life is toxic and always has been. She would have loved this scenario and tried to get my DH to ride with her. My DH can't stand her! There may have been a time early on when we were dating that he may have caved to it or felt guilty. I would not have been happy at all. I am pretty sure my DH would say no, he had to skip a lot because of her craziness!!
I feel for you that is a terrible situation!!
I'm another one who thinks
I'm another one who thinks 8th grade graduations are kind of dumb (I even thought it was dumb when I was graduating from 8th grade). Driving around in a car seems even dumber. And if DH is going to hop into the car with BM, who I assume is not in his household or his "bubble," doesn't it defeat the purpose of the car graduation ceremony? I would tell my DH I'd be happier if he planned something special for the kid with the two of us that is separate from BM (I like my skids and would want to do something with them). Ultimately it would be his choice, but I'm sure he wouldn't ride in the car parade with BM without me (nor would BM ride in a car parade without her husband).
It'd be a moot point here, though. Our schools will have regular graduations (they did last year, too, just moved back a couple months), and they've been in-person for this entire school year.
Time for some fun.
Car graduation? Hmmm? This could be fun. Dad should rent a very cool classic convertible and drive the Skid through graduation in it with SM in the passenger seat and his parents book ending the Skid sitting on the back of the back seat up high having a great time. If BM wants to follow, great. If not.... great.
That way it motivates the Skid to engage with dad during the celebration, it includes SM and the paternal GPs and ..... SM and her people can decide to participate or not.
If the Skid decides to not ride with Dad in the cool car, Dad, SM and the GPs can make signs celebrating the Skid and still have a great time while BM and the Skid do what they are going to do in BM's ride.
This demonstrates participation from dad and SM and dad's parents, and even SM's parents if they are involved. It shows the Skid that dad's side cares, and it builds inertia against a manipulative or PASing BM.
Have fun. Even if it is at the expense of the toxic blended family opposition and a PASd Skid.
I wouldn’t care
I wouldn’t care if they rode in the car for the silly graduation. But everyone’s situation is different.