Graduation BBQ Advice Please?
DS18 is graduating from high school, and DD14 is graduating from 8th grade. SS14 is also graduating from 8th grade (different junior high an hour away). It seems that everyone expects we will have a graduation open house for high school graduate - all sides of the family have been asking. I feel it would be odd to have it be only about my son, as many people do have parties for 8th grade graduation also. The problem is, we would want to include DH's family (his "original" family - parents, sisters and their families are great!) - we always have both sides over for holidays etc. So, DH says SS would need to be acknowledged also. First of all, I have totally disengaged from him - he is vile and never comes here anymore, thankfully. He is a total embarrassment and his presence would ruin the day for me. I do realize it isn't about me but about DS and DD; they probably would not care if Lardass were here - they don't particularly like him but they'll tolerate him.
Last time we had a graduation BBQ, it was for my oldest (DD19) and SD19, 2 years ago. Even though SD is not as bad as SS, she still had the nerve to show up an hour late with an uninvited friend. Further, my side of the family gave graduation gifts to both girls, whether they knew SD or not. DH and BM did a shitty job raising their kids as far as manners go - this stupid girl could not be bother to send thank you notes.
DH's kids are an embarrassment, and I do not hold back in letting him know why I feel this way. I do agree with him that it would be impossible to invite his side of the family and not have the party be for SS as well.
Advice please??
I have never heard of a
I have never heard of a graduation party for 8th grade. So, that would be my 1st question: Do you really need to have a graduation party for 8th grade for any one? Just seems to me that graduating from HS (a true rite of passage) is a much bigger deal, and to just toss a couple of other "jr. graduations" into the mix would somehow be stealing some of DS's show.
But, some things are regional, I know. If you are going to include DD's jr. graduation in this, then I'd also include SS's. He is too young to exclude him just because he is being pissy. According to many of my friends, every teenager is pretty much pissy nowadays anyway (except for maybe their own, of course). Once SS has his HS graduation and is truly an adult, then it is a different story.
Enough with this party for
Enough with this party for moving up a grade shit. It would be extremely SHITTY to make a HS graduates day about a damn 8th grader moving up a grade. Realize how unnecessary that is, how are rude it is to make a HS graduation party about the other kid and it solves all the problems. All your 8th grader did was pass a grade without failing, not finish a degree, a party is ridiculous.
8th grade graduation? Never
8th grade graduation? Never heard of it.. I’d make the party about the HS graduate & leave it at that.
Hell, people have
Hell, people have Kindergarten graduations now - doesn't make it right.
Make the party about your high school graduate only, and get a cake/go out to dinner for the 8th grade graduation, if you feel you must do something.
But I will note, just because people expect you to do a certain thing doesn't mean you have to do it.
If I received a yearly invite
If I received a yearly invite to attend a "party" every year a kid moved up a grade I would throw up in my mouth. "We are doing this AGAIN??? REALLY??"
They are just gift grabs.
They are just gift grabs. This is why kids think everything they do is so "special". My parents certainly didn't have a party for us when we graduated from high school, but my sister had one for my niece, so I guess it's more common now.
But not for 8th grade, seriously? Congrats! You move to another building in the same district! (Or maybe you just stay in the same one but move up a grade!)
I'm with the others - make
I'm with the others - make this about the HS graduate ONLY. The other two will get their turns ... eventually.
Plus I don't really think it
Plus I don't really think it is fair to the actual graduate to take away from their accomplishment.
I very much agree.
I very much agree.
I have never hear of 8th
I have never hear of 8th grade graduation either.
I am on team HS grad party only.
I live in the same state you
I live in the same state you do. In my school district, we no longer have 8th grade graduation. Our 7th- 12th students are now housed in the same large school building (different wing sections and floors). We do 6th grade graduation to mark leaving elementary school and then Senior 12th grade graduation.
We're down to merely have 8th grade Recognition. Its fun, it's casual (kid's wear class shirts) they show 'over the years' photo slides... pretty much end of story.
No, no one here does after 8th grade Recognition night parties. Sure, Moms and dads might take kiddo out to dinner and Grandma might bring a small cake... but there is none of the cards/gifts stuff. Come the next school year, the kids are attending in the opposite wing/floor. Life goes on as normal. It's our area's new norm.
I find it strange that you'd feel "odd' not to include your DD in a graduation BBQ, but think it's just fine to exclude your Dh's son (also a 8th grade graduate) in a celebration. Why is it "odd" to perhaps exclude your DD, but not the third child? Frankly,if I were your Dh I'd have a problem with that.
I'd do the HS student graduation and forget the other two. Your DD is no more deserving to be celebrated (just because you like her better, lol) than your Dh's son is.
Don't ruin your son's HS graduation over all this other unnecessary crap.
Yeah, I never get the obvious
Yeah, I never get the obvious exclusion of skids because the stepparent "doesn't like them" or they will "ruin the day".
It's their spouse's child, is there no empathy for their spouse and how he feels about his son? I may not love my skid, but I do respect that my DH loves him deeply and unconditionally.
I also wondered about her upset about SD showing up late and "bring an uninvited friend". Shouldn't the person for whom the party is being thrown get some say in who is invited?
Yeah, I can't imagine why
Yeah, I can't imagine why this step daughter would want to bring a friend, it surely can't be for emotional reassurance given the warm welcome I'm sure she received.
Eighth grade graduation party
Eighth grade graduation party? Absolutely ridiculous.
Having the party be only about the high school graduate is not odd, at all. Including the 8th graders would be odd, and disrespectful to your son, in my opinion.
If your disengage from SS
Just don’t have him over for the party. That is what disengagement is. He didn’t do his part of being a person. He gets nothing. Your DH can take SS to the Waffle House to have a nice breakfast
I have never heard of an 8th
I have never heard of an 8th grade graduation and I wouldn’t want to make my child who is graduating from high school (a big deal) share a party with my child for finishing 8th grade (not a big deal, at least where I am from). I would have a party only for the high school grad. Then you won’t have to worry about SS either.
Graduation from high school
Graduation from high school is a life milestone.
Why should DS18 have to share that marker with with two 8th grade "graduates"?
Is that even a thing?
Allow DS his time in the sun on his own rather than watering down his achievement with "8th grade graduation".
(Feels like I should throw a party because my dog doesn't poop in the house.
Honestly, the weird stuff which needs presents, a party or fanfare amazes me no end.)
Thanks Everyone!
Really appreciate the advice. I fully agree that celebrating 8th grade graduation as a milestone is kind of dumb. I would never have a party specifically for that, and we did not for DS and my oldest DD when they finished 8th grade (probably just family dinner out or something). The idea only came up by family's suggestions since it happens to be same year. We will be attending a graduation ceremony for both 8th and high school, so at least in my area it is celebrated as a small milestone. But it is clear to me that yes, it should either be for DS alone, or for him and both of the 8th graders.
No, people are saying that it
No, people are saying that it should not be for him and both of the 8th graders, it is not even close to the same thing. It should be for the high school graduate, only.
You can take your 8th grader out to a nice dinner, or whatever, your husband can take his 8th grader to the Waffle House, or whatever, but seriously, the high school graduate deserves his own party.
I take exception to
I take exception to Kindergarten, 5th grade and Middle school graduations. They are complete everyone gets a trophy bullshit.
The only graduation that should be celebrated is HS, trade school and college. Period.
Do the HS graduation BBQ.
Period.
IMHO of course.