The way I see it, he's not being punished because of how dad spends time with him. He's being punished for not doing the dishes at BM's house. Since he didn't serve his no-electronics punishment over the weekend, he's serving it during the week.  I have no problem with that. Their house, their rules, their punishment. 

I DO have a problem with BM expecting your DH to impose a punishment she decided on during your DH's time. To me, that's something that needed to be discussed with and agreed to by your DH, not something BM should unilaterally tell your DH to do.  

BM just doesn't want to be the bad buy.

BM in my life used to do this. Tell DH that one or both of the SSs were grounded from video games because of X, Y, or Z. Sometimes DH would agree, and sometimes he wouldn't.

I, and I assume DH, would get far more annoyed by what she would punish. Boys fight like brothers the day before coming to Dad's? BM grounds them. SS hasn't done his reading and math logs for two weeks so he needs to catch up? No punishment, just leaving it to DH to get SS to 300+ minutes of reading and math logs done over two days.

It's about power and being the good guy. Talking to BM likely won't do you any good, but you can explain to SS how you all believe punishment works.

My exH and I have had issues like this happen. IF one of us decides that we feel a punnishment will need to carry over (i.e.- got in trouble on Thursday and goes to dad on Friday) we would discuss it and come to a mutual agreement. There are no demands. Maybe they have plans or I have plans that would interfere with the "grounding". We aren't going to do something like that on the other parents time. 

It is all about communication and coparenting.

OK whatever the punishment is at BMs house it can come to an end in 2 ways. Either SS plays v/games at Dads house and his punishment is extended at BMs house to see it out or SS can go without v/games at Dads so he can play games again sooner. At 12 he is old enough and will give him a vote in the matter. He will also have a lesson in consequences .... or very quickly learn his poker face as he tells his mother and S/Dad he did not play games at his Dads place.

Only jointly agreed upon  punishments should carry over from one house to another. That said, DH should let SS know he’s disappointed that he’s not following the rules at BM’s house so SS doesn’t see DH as the “good guy”. 

Its not stepdad’s decision whatsoever. 

IMO, two households need to work together when offense is can and does affect both homes. Examples would be being kicked out of school, stealing a vehicle and in trouble with LE, areas where consistency is an absolute necessity, I can understand Futuro's stance with her adult son being a child who has to have consistent rules/guidelines and I totally agree in how she and her ex deal with that need. 

But we're talking SS didn't do the dishes at BM's here. The offense was at BM's, it's BM's rule SS must do dishes and it's BM's place to decide consequence. It has nothing to do with Dad and/or Dad's home. Whatever punishment BM hands out (IMO) needs to come from BM and remain at BM's, meaning the consequence needs to be 'served' at BM's on BM's time. 

During Dad's parenting time he shouldn't be asked to carry out BM's self chosen disciplinary over something that Dad has no control or say in. I could see something really back firing . Example, BM grounds SS from going/doing anything for two weeks, but would Dad then be expected to cancel his already booked and paid for vacation trip because the second week falls on Dad's time? Perhaps yes, when getting kicked out of school or for being in trouble with LE, but over not doing dishes at BM's? 

A high conflict and or PAS'ing  opposite parent could really play this.

I'm not saying Dad shouldn't be told of the offense of not doing dishes, sure tell him and let him know the kid could use a talking to about respecting the rules at each parent's homes whether that be BM or Dad , rules are to be followed and respect is to be shown... but telling Dad how Dad must and may not spend his parenting time with the kid is a control tactic that I just can't fly with. Kid misbehaves in your home you set the punishment per your rules and penalty is served in your home. It's still a week with out screen time whether that's three days one week while with BM and finished with four days the next time he is with BM. A week is a week, but not not necessarily a calendar week. 

Definitely his house rules her house her rules... But punishment is meant to fit the offense, not the custody schedule... So if my kids do something at their dad's house worth one week of grounding I have no issues carrying over tje punishment at my home and vice versa... Of course, ex and I communicate about those... Because it's rare the kids do something more than a few days worth of grounding.

Going between mom amd dad's shouldn't be about getting away with something while you're elsewhere... Parents aren't competing, they're tag teaming...no different than in an intact family where one parent has to step out and the ither parent has to handle the situation.

It's not normal in an intact family for a child to be punished, mom goes to the store, and dad to say... Hey buddy just me and you now, punishment over! The fact that divirced parents refyse to maintain a consistency in the kids' lives is a bit sad... Parents are just giving ammo to the kids to continue pitting them against each other. If the kid screwed up, BOTH parents should hold the child in high enough esteem to punish them in a way that fits the crime and provides a learning experience, rather than in a way that just belittles, hurts, or messes up the relationshio between the other parent and the child.

personally, i don't think it was wrong of them to say no games during the week. No videogames was the punishment...it wasn't enforced over the weekend, it was done during the week instead. It wasn't a punishment due to how dh spent his time with ss... It was simply a punishment that was delayed. 

I don't think it was right, though, for them to try to impose a weekend of no videogames at your house... That's their business, they did it on their time... I disagree that it should have gone diwn the way it did, but I TOTALLY agree tjat dad should also be punishing ss, even if the offense didn't happen at his home. Both parents have the responsibility to make sure the kid show respect. Being apart doeant mean you parent apart... Ya know? Maybe im not explaining myself very well... But it my ex said hey the kid didnt do his chores, i told him no videogames... My question would only be how long did you say... Not... Mind your business this is my house... Because that is totally irrelevant in the situation which requires attention, which is that the kid is being disrespectful.

But seriously... That long a punishment? For not doing dishes? Heck my kid doesnt do the dishes, she gets to do them the next day too...after I make a huge messy meal... And if they give attitude...they lose their phone while they are at it... And increased attitude means increased consequences... They learned.. Just wash the 3 damn plates. Lol