SS12 has had a couple more meltdowns, at BM’s only, since the initial incident (please see previous blog).

The last time was on a BM weekend. BM called at 6AM on a Saturday morning – on the home number – my number, as DH always uses his mobile. She wanted DH to pick up SS12 for the weekend because she didn’t want to deal with him.

After asking me what I thought DH went over there and tore into all of them – BM, SS12 and SS7. He asked them what they would do if he died. DH told them they’d be stuck with each other. DH then asked them what was going on – they all started yelling at each other at the same time! DH ended up telling everyone to shut up. DH grabbed a box and told them that whoever had the box got to talk and everyone else had to listen. This is what each said:

SS7 – BM and SS12 yell at each other all the time.
SS12 – BM doesn’t listen to me. I want to spend more one-on-one time with BM.
BM – SS12 doesn’t listen to me. I’m stressed out and I need a break from him.

DH then said that they needed to learn how to communicate with each other. He told them this was the last time he was coming over to play referee for them. He told BM that she needed to figure out what had changed in the house to trigger SS12’s behavior and that she (BM) needed to figure out a way to fix it.

He told SS12 that he was definitely going for counseling because this type of behavior was unacceptable. DH told SS12 (in front of BM) that he always felt that SS12 had a close relationship with his mom and that it was painful to see SS12 so angry at his mom.

BM again asked DH to take SS12. DH asked SS12 what he wanted, SS12 wanted to stay at BM’s. DH then told SS12 that BM was telling SS12 that she needed a break and what he thought. SS12 then agreed to come to our house for the weekend.

Before DH left he told BM and SS12 that coming to our house was not a punishment and that BM and SS12 both needed a break from each other.

DH has found a counselor for SS12. DH went to the initial appt. and likes the doc a lot. BM and the counselor have been playing phone tag since, so SS12 hasn’t been to an appt. yet. DH is going to make the appt. for her if she doesn’t make one by the end of this week.

I fear that BM won’t go to the counselor. IMO, BM is totally inconsistent with rules and SSons just walk all over her. I have noticed that SS7 has become quite defiant toward adults. DH and I have kept him in check but I feel like he’s just modeling SS12’s behavior toward BM. This needs to be corrected ASAP.

In fact SS7 was acting up at a school event. I corrected him, he looked at BM and she said, ”Listen to BettyRay, what she said was right.” I was shocked, totally shocked…

Thanks for reading this – sorry it’s so long.

~BettyRay