Christmas Day
Rant/handholding pls..
SKs (20s) refused to say where they would be for Christmas, until Christmas Eve. My plans to escape blocked by Covid restrictions.
After horrendous abuse of eldest son towards me when he moved in with us, police nearly called, partner reluctantly agreed that he'd meet them in a park on Christmas Day, an hour is all they wanted (presents + money). They shouldn't be allowed here anywhere because of Covid. They don't follow any social distancing anyway and openly admit it, then lie and say they are careful when they attend crowded house parties during lockdown.
I explain clearly to partner how I don't want to be anywhere near F-Wit after what he did to me, he gets irritated but says he understands.
I am relieved the day will be evil-free, bullying-free, nasty-free, tension-free, and say so.
We have a nice morning, I am relaxed, I know what the day holds, I know I will not be treated like a slave or humiliated like last year.
Minutes before partner is due to meet them 5 minutes away, Toxic Boy phones. I knew as soon as the phone went, he would do what he always does - either cancel (as he did twice to my partner this week already), change the plan, insist on his way, and if it means making problems for me, he'll love it.
He insists they come round to the house instead.
Partner caves in.
Partner announces that within minutes they'll be round.
He helps me pack so I can drive around for an hour.
He is saying it's so difficult for him, do I understand the position he's in etc.
I point out Toxic Boy has struck again (like last Christmas too), partner goes mad at me: "I want to spend Christmas with my family! This is their home!". None of them live here and only contact him for money, lifts, or use his tools.
The SKs come to the house and come inside the house.
I spend the rest of Christmas Day sitting in a car park in the car. For 5 hours.
Too bad you decided to come
Too bad you decided to come home again. Seems like when he made you leave YOUR home on Christmas so they could come over, he made his choice.
Time to make yours.
"No, SO. This is MY home. I
"No, SO. This is MY home. I pay my portion of the mortgage. I pay my portion of the bills. I pay for upkeep. This is MY home far more than it is THEIR home. BUT, this will no longer be an issue for us because I am/you are moving out. This relationship is over. I'm not going to be put out of my own home again in order to facilitate an abusive adult. I'm out."
That needs to be the response. Anything less than that is being unfair to yourself. Your SO isn't interested in having an equal partnership with you. He's only interested in you being filler when the people he truly cares about - his kids - are unavailable.
I'm sorry it has come to this, but this needs to be your deal breaking moment.
This
This
You suffered extreme emotional abuse from his kids and he thinks that their suggestion overrides your say in things? It's time for you to get your life back.
He helps me pack so I can
He helps me pack so I can drive around for an hour.
partner goes mad at me: "I want to spend Christmas with my family! This is their home!"
I spend the rest of Christmas Day sitting in a car park in the car. For 5 hours.
Please re-read the above sentences from your post. Read them over and over, again.
This man does not even consider you his family.
I agree with hereiam, your SO
I agree with hereiam, your SO does not consider you family. He models the disrespect his children show you. If you don't have a counselor, please find one. You need help understanding why you accept this abuse and how to change it.
You had to drive around and
You had to drive around and sit in your car so his kids that abuse you can come over? ??
Forget the toxic kids - your SO sounds like a person I would not want to be with. Why do you put up with that? Does he think sitting in a car for 5 hours is easy for you, and you should do it so his life can be easier with his kids? That's ridiculous. You might want to start thinking long and hard about what this guy is adding to your life. I certainly hope it's a lot.
That's awful. Plus, now your
That's awful. Plus, now your DH has possibly been exposed to COVID19...which puts you at risk too. Did he not think of that?
No Way!!!
His son did that to prove that he could in my opinion. And also to prove his father would choose him.
I would not have let him pack me up. Your husband or SO should have gone outside and had gift exchange in the driveway if the park was now not sufficient. Their germs are left behind in your house so I wouldn't have let them in. Your husband has a lot of nerve doing that to you but you should have said NO!!! I would tell him that is NEVER HAPPENING AGAIN!