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New Baby Coming Soon

Stepmom-of-1's picture

Submitted by Stepmom-of-1 on Thu, 12/03/2020 - 5:33pm

I'm due in about 9 weeks and cannot be more excited. As this has been a tough year already with the pandemic I am getting really nervous. This is my first child so I'm already nervous about giving birth as it is, but now add in the factor of the fear of getting covid. If I test positive my husband will not be able to be in the delivery room with me. We are doing our best to social distance and not go places we don't need to. However, it makes me a little worried when we have SD because BM does not care and they go wherever and hang out with tons of people. He's a little worried about it too, but when I said something about it he got a little upset. 

DH recently got a new job and now has to commute. So I hardly see him right now. Today he finally has a day off and I was looking forward to finally spending time with him. He was really tired and wanted to take a nap, which I totally understand because he works so hard. However, it bothers me that we pick up SD when it's not even our day and now he is spending the afternoon with her. I know it's his daughter and he wants to spend time with her, but I would like to get to spend time with my husband too. I'm worried that once the baby is here SD and BMs schedule is still always going to come first and not spend extra time with just me and the baby. When my baby is born I want it to be about that. Not worrying about issues with BM or not getting to spend the first couple of days with just us and the baby. I'm just feeling anxious, worried and need to be able to spend time with my husband and want his new baby to come first. Am I asking for too much?

Comments

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 12/03/2020 - 5:58pm

I think it would be good to have some discussions with your DH. Voice your concerns about his time and attention.

ITs perfectly natural to experience the desire for more time with your husband. He might be feeling conflicted because he wants to spend time with kiddo and he wants to spend time with you...and then Pandemic.

Try having small conversations...a little at a time is easier than all at once...

Stepmom-of-1's picture

Submitted by Stepmom-of-1 on Thu, 12/03/2020 - 6:12pm

Thank you! Sometimes I feel like I'm crazy for feeling the way I do. My husband's a nurse and works the covid unit so it's been extra stressful around here. 

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Thu, 12/03/2020 - 7:52pm

Congrats! I have a three-week old and have wrestled with the same anxieties about covid for months. 

If you have a HCBM, she will try to make your baby about her or your SD. In my case, Skids insisted on coming over the day we got home from the hospital. They also wanted to spend the night (not their night to be here), but fortunately DH said no...at my request. I had a c-section, so don't need extra houseguests. Then they wanted to come over on the Thursday before visitation. DH was busy managing something non-baby related, so told Skid no, he could not come to our home a day early. In response, BM sent him a text saying how dare he not give Skid a reason for not allowing him to come a day early and how he was making his kids feel as if they were being replaced and not allowing them to "bond" with their new sister. Fortunately, DH ignored her. Skids are in high school. I should be happy that they are interested in their sister, but having them here is like having visitors. They want to hold and play with her, but it disrupts her schedule and disrupts my ability to get into a routine with her.  

I'm also worried about covid because BM and her DH love to go to the casino and her DH works in retail. Also, everyone is still planning to celebrate Christmas out here even though cases are five times what they were when we shut down in March. We're supposed to have skids all Christmas, but BM and her family are crying about how unfair it is that Skids won't see their cousins who are supposedly flying in from Texas. Um, why are people still planning to fly in for a holiday? Also, they are not going to an indoor family gathering with people who just flew in from out of state and then coming to our home to possibly expose our baby. 

Again, I feel that I, the stepmother, am expected to cede control of everything, even the risk level I want to maintain for my baby, because DH was dumb enough to have kids with someone else (someone he should have had kids with) before he met me.