BM's shenanigans and custody chances
Hello everyone. I am new to this site and looking for some insight. My DH has two children from his previous marriage. His ex (BM) was emotionally abusive towards him and he was the one who left the marriage. You often hear about men being abusive however his ex was the abuser in his marriage. She would yell at him, call him names, demean and threaten him frequently and it got worse after their second child was born. She also was inappropriate with other men and women outside of the marriage although he is not sure if she cheated. My DH believes she used him in order to have children and get the home/child support/life she wanted and she has always been cold but he felt pressure from his family to marry her. This took a toll on him and towards the end of his marriage and for several years afterward he was depressed and turned to alcohol and marijuana. As a result got a DUI and ended up losing a very good job. His ex has since come out as a lesbian and has had multiple partners living with her and their kids since. She seems obsessed with having the perfect "token" lesbian family and being a lesbian "power couple". The odd thing is she can not keep a partner around for more than a couple years and it seems they could be a maniquin. She does not seem to care about them either and only cares about being a "token gay family" and little about the person she is actually with. She speaks on facebook as though ever woman she is with is suddenly the parent of those kids whens he barely has known them for months and it as if my DH does not exist (he has since turned his life around, quit drinking and marijuana and is employed at another very good job. He is very actively involved in their lives and sees his kids for a few hours on the weekends and wants to see them a lot more but she is fighting this). He does not want to upset the apple cart with her and is afraid of her. She has smeared his name to her entire family and does the same with her lesbian exes saying they all "didn't want to be parents" "didn't want to be part of her family" "were not good parents, etc" which are all big fat lies. The truth is he left because she was horrible towards him and I am sure it's more of the same with her other exes. My question is what are the chance of him fighting for full/joint custody of his kids and getting it and WTH is wrong with his ex wife? (bipolar, personality disordered,etc)?
1. Have your DH contact an
1. Have your DH contact an attorney (are you sure you want him to have custody of his kids?)
2. His ex is a nutjob (possible psychopath) who uses and abuses others.
The basic question
It boils down to, "What are the chances of him getting full/ joint custody of the kids?" I doubt that any court is going to look at her past romantic history altho I agree it doesn't sound stable. Is there a firm custody arrangement now and what is it? Visitation, how much? How old are the kids? Do they seem to be ok? Any signs of abuse?
I would imagnie that he would
I would imagnie that he would be able to get more than a few hours a week with his kids should he petition the courts. BM would have to prove that it would be detrimental to the children for them to have overnights and stay longer than a couple of hours for a judge to deny his request.
Some sort of weekend visitation is likely something that he could get, a 50-50 visitiation schedule would be more tricky but worth asking a lawyer about if that is what he wants. Getting joint legal custody (so that he has equal say over medical/educational stuff etc) might be possible, again ask a lawyer. Full custody is unlikely as your husband would have to either get BM to agree or prove to a judge that BM's involvement in their educational or medical decisions is detrimental to their children.
These are my guesses, I am not a lawyer. He needs to talk to a local lawyer if he is serious about this.
Full custody? Zero chance.
Full custody? Zero chance. More time than he has now - a very good chance. 50/50 joint - maybe, depends on your area's favored custody schedules and how hard BM is willing to fight and lie to keep him from getting it.
Start by getting an attorney and filing for at least a full weekend every two weeks. Make sure he's prepared to have his addiction history brought out and used against him.
Full custody is unlikely.
Full custody is unlikely. Partial custody is possible with a good attorney but be prepared for psycho ex to use his addiction(that she contributed too by being a cold callus narcissist) against him. That's what manipulators do. Be prepared.
Probably not full custody.
Probably not full custody. Courts don't generally care about the stuff you listed.
He may get joint or 50/50
He can get an order that does not live with a partner unless they're married.
The Harry Potter robed morons
The Harry Potter robed morons slinging the Fisher-Price hammers on the family law bench rarely see through the facade that the toxic side of a blended family case puts forward. BM being a power lesbian is something the courts will eat up and get all happy about. Your DH is screwed as far as full custody is concerned. He may get joint though.
We battled the toxic SpermClan to protect my SS from their crap for nearly two decades. The first judge commented that "any child would be blessed to have the love and support of this fine family" in reference to the serial statutory rapist Spermidiot, the serially adulterous SpermGrandPa and the manipulative evil SpermGrandHag. They went for custody and fotuneately lost. My DW was immediately granted full physical and legal custody of her son even as a teen mom. When the SpermGrandHag heard that she was dating someone after she left for university she went after custody. DW retained full physical and legal custody. She was already out of state so the court really could not do anything else.
If you and your DH live near BM, he may just get joint. He has to grow some balls and not be afraid of her. Part of his duty as a father to his kids is to keep BM's agenda from screwing them up and to model a confident man, husband, and father for his children as they progress to adulthood.
BM's fluctuating identification really has no influence on how he parents other than to highlight the things she pollutes the Skis with so he can minimize the influence of any of her personal crap and unstable relationships has on his children.
Good luck in court. Be firm, protect the Skids from their toxic BM.