Hello everyone
Hello everyone.
I've been looking at this site for a little while now. I guess things could be worse in my situation, but still it's hard.
I am engaged to the most wonderful man I have ever met. After many juvenile young twenties relationships, I finally found Prince Charming. The guy who stays up with me until all hours of the morning star gazing, sharing tea, and talking. The one who leaves love notes under my pillow, in my lunch, on my car. Really, I couldn't say enough good things about him.
He does have two kids... who love me very much. But I am struggling internally with how I feel for them. They annoy me to be honest. And I absolutely love children. But I get annoyed when they talk about their mother, or take up all of my fiancee's attention, or when his three year old daughter copies affections him and I show each other.
It could be much worse, I know. Still, I long for all of his firsts. For his first time ring shopping, first news of his first baby, and all the bells and whistles that come along with your very first marriage.
It's silly really, but I often find myself feeling jealous at times even when he comforts me.
Is this a normal "blended family" issue?
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It sounds like everything
It sounds like everything you're expressing is normal in a blended family. It sounds like you know what feelings are pretty much guaranteed to come with being a SM, & being you are engaged, it sounds like you're willing to accept those feelings & work with them the best you can.
You're sure to find a lot of support, suggestions, & opinions here.
Glad you're here, & congratulations on your engagement!
Thank you very much. It's
Thank you very much.
It's extremely comforting to find a group of individuals who are struggling with the same life obstacles.
I sure am willing to accept these hard times to keep this man around so I figured getting advice from people experiencing the same things would help to keep me sane!
Thank you. I definitely do
Thank you. I definitely do not feel like one of their parents or a caretaker even. I'm just my fiancee's partner and support him when I am able and it works into our schedule.
I suppose only time will tell what works for us.
I can absolutely relate to
I can absolutely relate to this, so (to me) it sounds normal/familiar. In anger I once told my FDH that I didn't really want to be a second wife. It's not that I didn't want to be my FDH's wife, just that I didn't want to be second. It feeds into a little isolating, lonely place when you think that you're going through all the firsts, but he's already done them all before. It's absolutely fine to feel a little raw about this, even when he comforts you; you can't just erase how you feel, but it's SO good that you talk to him about it. Just remember: these WILL be his firsts with YOU.
Thanks for your feedback. My
Thanks for your feedback. My fiancee says exactly the same thing. That he is just as excited because all these experiences are with me. It's hard to sort out these feels sometimes though. Thank you again.
It sounds normal! I remember
It sounds normal! I remember when my hubby and I were first dating, his SS would always talk about his mother - like stupid stuff.. "oh my mom, burnt a bagel in the toaster today" "mom cleaned the front porch yesterday" "this one time my mom...." you get the point! Anyway, I never said anything about it, I just kept it to myself thinking it was just a "kid" thing then one day my hubby actually said "OK, can we please not talk about your mother anymore!??" (God love him!) I think it is the younger age as now that SS is 11 he really doesn't talk about her at all.
I also think that kids talking about their mother when in the presence of SM is their way of validating to themselves that you are not taking the place of her.. I really do think that alot of kids feel guilty for having a good relationship with SM (of course ALOT of times it is BM driven.. but I digress)
Sounds like you have a great fianace! Don't sweat the small stuff!!